TVBO 41

Chapter 41

I waited, barely able to calm my pounding heart, wondering what Chester would say.
I couldn’t tell what he was thinking from his eyes, but I thought—at the very least—he would ask to go to the dessert café tomorrow.

His fingers brushed against my disheveled bangs.
“Yulia… no matter how cute, pretty, and lovely you are… the most important thing is your health.”
“…”
“Do you know how terrified I was when you collapsed?”
“I don’t know! Just go home.”

I turned my head sharply to avoid his hand.
His fingers, which had just been touching my forehead, hesitated, then withdrew.
“Yulia. I just want—”
“Go home.”
“…”
“Don’t come find me until I come to you first.”
“Yulia!”

This time I didn’t just turn my head—I turned my entire back to him.
“I don’t want to see you hurting.”
“I’m not hurt.”
“His Grace didn’t forbid you from eating sweets entirely—he said one a day is fine.”
“Leave, Chester.”

I was curious what kind of expression he was making, but I didn’t turn my head.
I just kept repeating myself until he finally left the room.
“I’ll… come again tomorrow.”
“Don’t. Unless I tell you to, don’t come.”
“Yulia.”
“I don’t want to see you for a while.”
“…”
“Don’t you dare come back.”

I heard the sound of his chair scraping as he stood up. A dark shadow suddenly fell over me.
He pulled the blanket up to my neck, then walked away like a man who had done all he could.

I turned my body toward the door.
He never looked back, walking straight to it without hesitation.
He didn’t open it right away—he stopped for a moment in front of it.
After a few seconds, he opened the door.

“Ahem!”

When the door opened, my father and my brother were standing there, clearing their throats awkwardly.
I thought they’d already gone—but apparently, they had been right outside the whole time.

Was he feeling sorry for restricting my desserts?
Or had there been something else he’d wanted to say to me?

“Why didn’t you go? Why are you and my brother still here?”
“It’s… nothing, dear.”

Father and my brother both averted their eyes.
Just before Chester fully stepped out of the room, he turned his head slightly toward me.

I flinched instinctively—it was as if he overlapped with the Chester from my dreams.
“Yulia, I’ll… come again tomorrow.”

Leaving only those words behind, he walked away without a trace of hesitation.

When asked why he had rebelled, Chester smiled.

It was the first time he had ever smiled at me.
And in that most horrific moment, I saw the smile I had always longed to see—though there was nothing warm about it.

“You wanted to become… what? Royalty? A member of the imperial family?”

Chester slid his bloodstained sword back into its sheath and stepped closer, kneeling on one knee before me.
He was so close—yesterday, I would have wanted nothing more than to be near him like this.
But now, I was terrified.

Blood still dripped from his black gloves.
“Are you curious?”

“If you wanted to become royalty… I was here! I told you I loved you! So why… why did you—”

Tears wouldn’t stop flowing.
He grabbed my chin roughly with his bloodied glove and stared into my eyes with chilling indifference.
Of course my body trembled all over.

“Is it because of that woman? The Marquis’ daughter, Lady Chloe? Do you like her that much?”
“…”
“I loved you long before you ever looked at her!”
“Silence.”
“How could you start a coup just because of her?”
“…”
“Chester… how could you—of all people—do this to me?”

His gaze didn’t waver in the slightest.
“For that woman you barely care about—you never once looked at me, who’s loved you from the moment I met you?”
“…”
“I looked for you, I waited for so long…”

Was I the one going mad? No—I was already mad.
My beloved family was dead. The nanny who had raised me like her own daughter—slain before my eyes.
How could anyone remain sane?

“I finally found you… so why her, and not me?”
“You don’t need to know.”

Chester pressed my chin even harder, his dull eyes lifeless.
“Your Highness, you’re… quite curious, aren’t you?”
“Or… did you plan this rebellion from the start? So…”
“No. This happened because Your Highness became too troublesome.”

Too troublesome?
Was that a valid reason to commit treason—to slaughter my loved ones so cruelly?

“Will you keep avoiding it? Look around you for once.”
“…”
“See what your useless actions have caused.”

He forced my head to turn.
Through tear-blurred eyes, I saw a scene too horrific to bear.
My father’s silvery hair—once gleaming under the sun—was matted with dark red blood, stiff and dry.

My legs wouldn’t hold me. I couldn’t walk to where my father and brother lay.
So I crawled, pushing myself forward with trembling hands.

When I started crawling, Chester released my chin. I could feel something sticky on my skin—blood, probably.
My face must’ve been drenched in it.

“F…father?”

I reached them at last.
My knees throbbed, but I could no longer even feel the pain—only numbness.

I touched my father’s pale, lifeless cheek.
He was cold. Truly gone.

With shaking hands, I closed my brother’s wide, lifeless eyes.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, brother…”

I couldn’t keep the promise to live on.
He had sacrificed everything to save me, and yet I couldn’t stay alive.

I was the sinner. My precious people died because of me.
If not for my existence, they would still be alive.

My very breath was a sin. My birth itself was a sin.

“I… I shouldn’t be alive… I should never have been born…”

My birth had killed my mother, destroyed my family’s happiness.
It should’ve been me who died, not her.
I should’ve died the moment I was born.
My existence had been a curse upon the entire palace.

And because I kept living, I drove everyone else to their deaths.
I was tragedy incarnate.

“Kh… keuh…”

Tears wouldn’t stop falling.
The marble floor, soaked in my family’s blood, had dried into a dark, cold red.
My white dress was stained a deep crimson.

“Still, Your Highness, I’ll grant you mercy—the chance to die by your own hand.”

Clang—

He tossed a short dagger beside me, his tone almost gracious.

“…Not even for a single moment… did you ever love me?”
“No.”

He answered instantly—cold, without hesitation.
I’d known the answer already, but I needed to hear it. Maybe then, I could finally let go.

“You’re… not going to let me live, are you?”

No reply.
Only those unfeeling eyes.

I picked up the dagger and tried to stand.
But my legs wouldn’t obey, trembling weakly. Even the small blade felt unbearably heavy.

I dropped it to the floor, gritting my teeth as I forced myself up.
Then, staggering, I stepped toward Chester—and wrapped my arms around him, the man I had once longed to hold.

“There’s something I want to say to you, one last time.”
“Your final words?”

His voice rumbled just above my head.
He didn’t push me away—perhaps granting me that much mercy.

I tightened my arms around his waist.
Why was it so hard to speak? My voice trembled as I forced the words out.

“I truly loved you, Chester.”
“Yes, I know.”
“But… I’ll never love you again.”
“Yes. After death, hate me forever.”

“…”

That’s enough.
I’d said everything I needed to.
I no longer had any lingering attachment.

I had wanted his love, but he had never loved me—not once.
Now that I’d confessed my heart, I could finally leave it behind.

I turned toward the open window where the cold winter wind blew.
Perhaps to him, my actions were mere folly—he didn’t try to stop me or kill me.

“Chester…”

I’ll never love you again.
But I won’t hate you either. I won’t resent you.

I’ll forget everything about you—erase every trace of feeling I ever had.
And yet, deep inside, I still wish… that you would suffer.
That you would feel even a fraction of pain.
Even knowing you won’t, I still hope for it.

And if there is a next life…
Then I want to live surrounded by my family’s love, happily—
A life so full of love that I’ll never once doubt I’m loved.

If God exists, please erase these memories.
In the next life, let me live happily, loved, with no one dying.

“…You will regret this. I promise.”

Swallowing my desperate prayer and choking back my sobs,
I threw myself into the cold winter lake.