TSWH 05

5. The Man

It had been a week since Stanley returned.

Since then, he had been attached to my father more closely than ever, rarely leaving his side.

As for me, I was cramming knowledge into my head to make up for all the years I had been careless. At this rate, I felt like I might burst if I didn’t vent to someone soon.

But every time I saw Stanley, the exhaustion on his face only deepened. I wasn’t shameless enough to invite him for tea under those circumstances.

And just when that strange feeling of loneliness had begun to creep back in—

On my way to the study with Dana, I ran straight into him in the corridor.

My face almost broke into a smile, but I forced it into composure.

Instead, Stanley was the one who smiled brightly.

“I’ve been looking for you, my lady.”

“…Do you need something?”

“Yes. I came to let you know I’ve managed to free up some time.”

I tilted my head, confused.

I had been thinking I wanted to talk to him—but I hadn’t said it out loud. If it had shown on my face, that would be far too embarrassing. But it seemed that wasn’t the case.

Stanley glanced past me at Dana.

She met his gaze and nodded.

“Lady Florence, let’s skip theory today. We’ll practice dancing instead.”

Ah. I understood now.

Dana must have spoken to Stanley about practicing the wedding dance for the reception after the ceremony.

I turned a weary look toward Stanley.

Honestly, studying would have been better. Even though my body had recovered, it was still shockingly weak after so long bedridden. I didn’t think I was particularly uncoordinated, but exercise always left me drained.

I changed direction from the study toward the manor’s grand hall.

It was the wedding of a lord’s daughter and a wealthy merchant heir. My parents intended it to be quite extravagant.

Among a crowd of guests, the first dance had to be performed by just the two of us. I understood I needed to practice enough not to humiliate myself.

“We’ve already practiced many times. I think I’ll be fine.”

I looked up at him as we stepped into the hall.

Stanley had been my only dance partner this entire time. In fact, I had never danced with any other man.

“Yes,” he replied with a gentle smile. “Then this will be a final confirmation.”

Even now, fatigue lingered heavily beneath his smile.

I found myself wishing he would rest a little, if he had even a moment to spare.

“Then let’s begin quickly,” I said.

“And finish quickly,” I added in my mind. “Then I’ll invite Stanley to the greenhouse to bask in the sunlight.”

I took his offered arm and stepped into the center of the hall.

Since we couldn’t bring musicians for practice, Dana provided the rhythm with claps and calls instead.

“Let’s start from the beginning of the piece.”

“Yes.”

As soon as he answered, Stanley’s hand slid to my back, drawing me into position.

My body jolted.

And I didn’t understand why.

Questions rose one after another in my mind.

What is this?

From where his hand rested, tension spread through my entire body.

I kept my expression composed and placed my left hand lightly on his arm, while resting my right hand in his left.

Until now, I had never thought about it.

His dry, large hand completely enclosing mine. His height, a head taller than me.

Had he always been this big?

“Lady Florence, please lift your head.”

Dana’s clapping voice snapped me back.

I realized my gaze had dropped.

We were meant to meet each other’s eyes while dancing this waltz. The movements weren’t particularly difficult—at least, they shouldn’t have been.

“Are you tired?” Stanley asked.

“…I’m fine.”

But even as I said it, my steps were unsteady.

When I tried to count the rhythm in my head, Dana’s sharp voice cut through again.

“From the beginning!”

The more I rushed, the more my feet tangled. Eventually, I made a mistake and stepped directly onto Stanley’s foot.

“Ah—sorry…!”

“It’s alright,” he said immediately.

But it was already too late. Once I lost the rhythm, everything unraveled—each step slipping further out of sync, panic building on panic.

“Lady Florence, look up!”

At Dana’s command, I jerked my head up.

Stanley’s expression was no longer smiling.

Only concern remained.

His arm tightened around my back, pulling me closer as he stopped in place.

“Let’s take a break.”

Before I could react, I was briefly lifted and set down again.

It was only to stop my spinning motion, but the sensation of his arms holding me lingered strangely even after I was released.

“Your hand, my lady.”

I took his offered hand and sat on the bench at the edge of the hall.

Less than fifteen minutes had passed since we started, but Dana, realizing something was wrong, didn’t object. “I’ll get drinks,” she said, leaving the room.

I wished she hadn’t left us alone.

Stanley knelt in front of me, his gaze filled with concern.

“Are you in pain?”

“No.”

I shook my head.

“It’s not that I feel unwell. It’s just… I don’t know. I’m so nervous I can’t move properly.”

Relieved, he sat beside me.

“Of course. It’s your one chance at a grand stage. You’re probably imagining the real situation.”

That might be part of it—but that wasn’t the real reason.

The more I told myself not to think about it, the worse it became.

Stanley… was a man.

And I was only just realizing it.

A part of me wanted to laugh at myself for noticing something so obvious. Another part of me was genuinely startled by it.

We had seen each other every day.

Not long ago, I had even half-undressed him for a shirt fitting—dragging his reluctant clothes off while the maids measured him. I had stood there watching as they took measurements across his bare upper body.

And yet, for some reason, the strongest impression I had retained was still of the slender, almost androgynous boy I had first met.

I glanced sideways at him.

He was drinking water slowly from a glass, unaware of my gaze.

His Adam’s apple moved as he swallowed.

The sight caught my attention before I could stop myself.

Then his eyes lowered toward me.

“What is it?”

“…Do you have time?”

“Yes. I’ll be accompanying my lord out this evening, so until then.”

“I see.”

He had probably noticed something was off about me.

Yes—something was wrong with me alone.

I was the only one flustered, the only one uneasy. He remained as composed as ever.

To him, I was still not “a woman.”

Just the daughter of his master.

Or perhaps—

Maybe he simply saw this marriage as part of his duty.

A repayment to my father.

The thought made something cold settle in my chest.

If this marriage meant nothing more to him than protecting me…

If he didn’t want to be my husband, but only my guardian…

“Stanley…”

“Yes, my lady?”

How was I even supposed to ask something like this?

Would it make him angry?

Still, enduring this confusion felt worse than asking outright.

So I forced the question out before I could lose courage.

“…Are you going to kiss me?”

Silence.

I immediately regretted everything.

My own mind screamed at me—was that really the best way to phrase it?

Stanley stared at me, his hazel eyes widened in shock.

Then, slowly, he smiled.

Though this time, he blinked more than usual.

“Whatever prompted you to ask something like that…?”

He tried to deflect it.

I looked down, pouting in frustration.

“Because… if we become husband and wife, people kiss, don’t they? So if you marry me… you’ll kiss me, right?”

We stared at each other in heavy silence.

Then Stanley leaned forward slightly, resting a hand on the bench beside me.

His face came closer.

“Of course I will.”

His voice had lost its smile.

“When you become my wife, I will kiss your lips.”

My breath caught.

“And we will share a bed. That is what married couples do.”

Now I understood exactly what he meant.

“…I see.”

I tried to say I felt relieved—but I wasn’t even sure if I was relieved.

Stanley was the first to look away.

“But for now, I am still merely Lord Chamberlain Chamberlain’s servant. I cannot allow myself improper thoughts toward the master’s daughter. Please do not test me.”

I shook my head quickly.

“That’s not what I meant. I wasn’t testing you.”

I grabbed the glass from his hand and drank it all at once.

Then I returned it to him and fidgeted with my thumbs.

“It’s just… you always look so calm. But I… I’ve been feeling strange ever since we got engaged. I get nervous around you. And you’re exactly the same as always… so I thought… maybe you don’t see me as a woman at all.”

“That is only natural,” he said calmly. “We are not even formally engaged yet. As I said before—”

“Alright, alright, stop.”

Right. Of course.

He was still that painfully proper Stanley.

I shouldn’t have asked something so ridiculous.

Heat rushed to my face.

“Honestly… I’m the only one flustered. I’ve never been like this before…”

I covered my cheeks with my hands, wishing I could disappear.

Just then, Dana returned with a maid.

“Let’s stop this, Stanley. Forget everything I just said.”

I downed the hot tea she brought in one go and sighed deeply.

Dana looked at me sharply at first, then hesitated. She reached out and placed a hand on my forehead.

“It doesn’t seem like a fever…”

Of course it wasn’t a fever. It was just him standing too close.

After a pause, she said, “If you’re not feeling well, we can stop for today.”

For a moment I almost agreed.

But I stopped myself.

“…No, I’m fine. If we stop now, we’ll just waste Stanley’s valuable time. I’ll keep going until I can at least dance properly.”

I stood again and looked down at him, forcing a composed expression.

“Just thirty more minutes.”

“Yes, of course.”

“And after that… come with me to the greenhouse.”

“As you wish.”

Even now, after everything I had just said, he was the same as always—calm, polite, infuriatingly unchanged.

I placed my hand back into his.

And when his slightly warm, lightly damp palm closed gently around mine—

My heart, once again, betrayed me.