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6. Gentlemen and Ladies
In the half month that followed, Stanley joined me for dance practice about three times. Each session lasted roughly an hour.
I no longer became so flustered that I couldn’t dance at all, but unlike me—who still grew tense every time—he showed no trace of embarrassment or any similar emotion on his face.
Not even a hint.
It was honestly frustrating enough to make my teeth itch.
Still, I told myself it didn’t matter. After all, he said he would see me as a woman after we were married.
And then, as that thought settled, another question quietly rose in my mind.
Did I… want Stanley to see me as a woman?
Did I want to kiss him, or do all those other things people in love did?
I couldn’t find an answer.
Days passed in a soft, floating daze. And just when I began to feel strangely warm even without Stanley around, I realized I had developed a fever for the first time in a while.
At this point, I could recognize it almost immediately just from the earliest symptoms. It wasn’t serious—probably just fatigue catching up with me. It wouldn’t get too bad this time.
And just as I predicted—
“You’re already running less of a fever now.”
Sitting by my bedside, Aishel took the thermometer from my mouth and smiled with visible relief.
It had been four days since the fever started. By tomorrow or the day after, it would likely be gone completely.
“I told you it wasn’t anything serious, didn’t I? I just got a little carried away.”
“Yes, that would be correct.”
“…Was I really that excited?”
“Yes, very much so. Especially in front of Aris-sama—you were practically floating.”
Without thinking, I pulled my knees up on the bed and buried my face in them.
“I want to dig a hole out of sheer embarrassment.”
And then stay buried in it forever.
“Once your fever is fully gone, you may dig one in the garden. It’s the season for planting spring flowers, so the gardener would appreciate the help.”
Aishel said this while efficiently cleaning up the basin beside the bed.
She really didn’t understand suffering at all.
I swallowed the bitter medicine in one go, took another glass of water, and let out a long breath.
“Speaking of Aris-sama—”
I lifted my head at once.
Aishel caught my eyes and curled her lips into a mischievous smile.
“He’s been extremely worried about you. He’s been pacing right outside your room this whole time.”
I could picture it so clearly that I almost laughed.
He had always been like that—worrying far too much.
And I knew why.
From the day after we first met, I had nearly died for about ten days straight. It had been that kind of attack—the one they said I wouldn’t survive if it happened again.
By some miracle, I was still here. But to him, it must have been a deeply shocking memory.
“Let him come in,” I said.
If he saw me sitting up and talking like this, he would surely feel at ease. It wasn’t a condition that could be passed on, after all.
But Aishel shook her head with a serious expression.
“Even if he is your fiancé soon, we cannot allow a gentleman into your bedroom.”
I shrugged.
“But he used to come in all the time.”
“Milady. With respect, things are not the same as they were before. You are both grown now—proper gentlemen and ladies.”
“Proper ladies don’t dig holes in gardens, though.”
“Have you noticed? Recently, Aris-sama has not been coming quite so close to you.”
At that, I thought back.
He was still as busy as ever—so busy it made my head spin just watching him. And yet, whenever he had time, he still spoke with me like before.
I tried to recall the distance she meant… but I couldn’t really tell.
“In the past, Aris-sama always stayed right behind you, ready to catch you whenever you nearly collapsed. But recently—after the engagement was decided and some time passed—that distance changed… do you understand why?”
Aishel clenched her fists in front of her chest and declared dramatically:
“Because he has started to see you as a woman!”
The words rang sharply in my ears.
I covered one ear on purpose, but she was far too excited to stop.
“A man as proper as him would never have looked at you in any improper way before, but now that you’re engaged and will become husband and wife, he sees you as a woman—”
“Aishel. I still have a fever.”
She finally stopped mid-shout, blinking, then quickly covered her mouth.
“Oh my… my apologies. I got carried away.”
She smiled sheepishly, far too composed for someone who had just been yelling.
Resting my cheek on my hand atop my raised knee, I thought about it.
If he really did see me as a woman… shouldn’t there be some kind of reaction?
“But he never changes expression at all. Even during dance practice, when we’re that close, he doesn’t even raise an eyebrow.”
“That is the composure of an adult man.”
“…That’s annoying.”
On impulse, I grabbed the teddy bear still sitting neatly by my pillow and hugged it.
I kneaded its soft belly with unnecessary force while thinking.
If he truly saw me as a woman… was he, under that calm smile, feeling the same confusion or embarrassment as I was?
No. I couldn’t imagine it at all.
Fixing the slightly squashed bear, I exhaled and gathered myself.
I didn’t want to add unnecessary worry to someone as busy as him.
I held out the teddy bear to Aishel.
“Give this to Stanley. Tell him I’m lending it to him for a while because I’m sure he must be lonely not seeing me. He should take good care of it—like it’s me.”
Aishel took it, laughing softly.
“Also tell him I’m well enough to make jokes like this.”
“Understood.”
“Please do.”
She covered me with the blanket again as I lay back down.
“Good night, milady.”
And then she left the room.
I turned over. I wasn’t particularly sleepy, but I thought I might rest anyway and closed my eyes.
Just then, from the hallway, I heard Aishel’s voice.
“Aris-sama.”
I opened my eyes again and looked toward the door.
Was Stanley really wandering around out there this whole time?
I could only clearly hear her calling his name. Whatever exchange followed was too quiet to make out, and soon the corridor fell silent again.
The teddy bear must have reached him safely.
I wondered, faintly amused—
Would Stanley place it by his pillow when he slept?
The image made me chuckle.
Curling up under the blanket, I laughed quietly for a while.
