WTFUDLS 68

Chapter 68

“Sunset is the best~ Gather around, friends~.”

Noeul sang the nursery rhyme in an R&B style as she headed to the meeting spot.

• [Actually… I wanted to give you and Jiwoo some time alone. I felt like my being there was getting in the way, and maybe that’s why things weren’t working out between you two.]

“Haha. Aren’t you such a fool.”

She chuckled softly.

Yeah. No wonder it felt strange. Someone who didn’t really get along with others suddenly hanging out with the kids in the orchard. She wouldn’t come even when asked to drink. She kept avoiding them…

Noeul tended to overthink on her own and draw negative conclusions.

It would be so simple to just ask and resolve it. Instead, she would lie in bed, worrying, and making herself suffer unnecessarily.

“Uhn-je-ne~ So cute~ You little rascal, Park Hansol~.”

She giggled at herself even while singing.

Well. Whatever happened, it didn’t matter. Everything had been resolved.

Her heart felt light. Her steps were easy.

Hansol was still her closest friend. Jiwoo had relaxed. There was nothing problematic.

This was the perfect state.

She wanted to stay like this forever—being close with the two prettiest girls in school. Sharing secrets over drinks until dawn with one, and maintaining a teasing, almost-flirty relationship with the other…

“……”

Suddenly, her steps slowed.

To keep “this state” going… what does that even mean?

Jiwoo would continue to like Noeul, and Noeul, while aware of it, would pretend not to know. Jiwoo would be smitten, and Noeul would enjoy not reciprocating the feelings of such a stunning girl… Wanting to live like that forever.

Right. If possible, she did want to live like that. It seemed like the happiest life she could ever have.

But how selfish was that desire.

She couldn’t just leave Jiwoo in that state.

It wasn’t concern for Jiwoo. It was fear of how Hansol would see her. How despicable would it seem if Noeul, fully aware of Jiwoo’s feelings, continued to enjoy the situation?

And if later, Jiwoo realized, “Actually, back then Noeul noticed my feelings and did nothing,” what would she think of Noeul?

That’s why she couldn’t maintain this state.

But what could she do? Tell Noeul to just date Jiwoo?

If she continued like this… not pushing Jiwoo away, accepting everything, going with the flow… and then one day Jiwoo confessed… and she pretended to go along… That could work, right?

It would be awkward and lame… but technically, it wasn’t wrong.

Maybe she should just try it… After all, Noeul had nothing to lose.

…But what if she did date Jiwoo, only to find out Jiwoo had misunderstood?

Jiwoo might think she liked him, but in reality… she didn’t. Maybe it was just half curiosity about dating an unattractive guy and half the feeling of friendship.

If that hit her suddenly… what then?

If Jiwoo said, “Sorry Noeul, but honestly, there’s no way I’d like someone like you,” what would happen then?

People would gossip. She actually thought Jiwoo liked her? Everyone could see he was just joking. Poor thing, she must have been so happy thinking Jiwoo liked her… probably even imagined marrying him…

Could she stay sane in that?

If only someone could threaten her with a gun to date Jiwoo, it would be easier. Then if Jiwoo rejected her, she could say, “I was forced. I didn’t date him willingly.”

If anyone heard Noeul thinking this, they might say: “Why are you so scared? He liked you! You just need the courage to accept it.”

It’s not shameful to date someone you like and later break up. Everyone does it.

But with an unattractive person, it isn’t just about dating and breaking up. It’s not that simple. It’s… being accepted as you are, and then being rejected.

If none of that happened, if Jiwoo continued liking Noeul… would it be okay?

Probably not. She’d doubt everything every day.

Does Jiwoo really like me? He’s surrounded by handsome guys, yet he likes me. Does he have another motive? What did he think seeing that couple just now? That woman is much less attractive than me, but her boyfriend is handsome—would he envy her?

She’d spend every day thinking this.

Everyone’s gaze would feel like ridicule. “Dating such a pretty girl, totally mismatched”—those voices would haunt her.

And again… Noeul would resent her own looks.

People can’t live a lifetime resenting something about themselves. They’d go insane or get depressed.

To stay sane, one must stop the resentment, no matter what. Noeul had learned this. After persistent effort, she was finally a little free from obsessing over her face.

But if she dated Jiwoo, that resentment would rise again.

Why do I look like this? Jiwoo is so beautiful. Why do I look like a crushed clay lump?

She’d try everything to be less ugly. But realizing it was hopeless, she’d sink deeper into despair.

Love would be nothing but pain.

Before she knew it, she arrived at the Beer Tower.

Hansol and Jiwoo were already there.

Hansol would probably press her again. How long are you going to leave Jiwoo like that?

Ugh…

What am I supposed to do…?

It’s not like I did anything wrong. Jiwoo’s feelings are her own… what am I supposed to do?

…What am I supposed to do…!

Entering the shop, she felt the opposite of how she had when leaving home.

Jiwoo waved from a corner table.

Hansol was sitting next to her.

Seeing them made Noeul’s dopamine spike, and she felt happy again.

She waved back and went to the corner table.

Jiwoo said:

“I ordered three draft beers and one fried boneless chicken.”

“Good job.”

“You’re wearing long sleeves?”

“Yeah. It’s chilly in the mornings and evenings now.”

“That’s true. You used to wear that a lot in spring, right?”

“This? …Yeah, I guess so.”

“Hehe. My observation skills are sharp, huh?”

“Maybe I just wore it a lot.”

“No. You wore a grey hoodie more than that.”

“…Did I?”

“Yeah. I’d been paying attention to you since then.”

“…Oh. I see.”

She quickly looked away from Jiwoo.

Then their eyes met Hansol’s. Feeling guilty, she looked away again.

She changed the subject, pretending to look around the shop.

“It’s been a while since I came here. The last time must have been before summer break.”

Hansol said:

“Probably. Ah, summer break at the valley was fun.”

“But thinking back, did we really need to go to the valley? We never even went into the water.”

“Right. We just drank. But they said drinking in good air makes you less drunk.”

“Really? I felt super drunk.”

“That’s true. Especially Jiwoo—totally wasted.”

“Yeah… she was.”

Suddenly, memories from the valley flashed through her mind.

• Am I prettier, or Hansol?

• …You.

She swallowed hard.

Jiwoo said, looking embarrassed:

“Yeah… I was really drunk that time…”

Noeul realized Jiwoo must be remembering the same scene.

Hansol said:

“Weren’t you two up late that night?”

“Uh… yeah… right?”

Jiwoo asked, looking at Noeul shyly:

“…Yeah, I think so… What should we do for winter break?”

Hansol, clearly exasperated, said:

“Why are you already thinking about winter break?”

“No, Hansol, planning ahead is always good.”

“Really… what did you two do that night? Do you remember?”

Hansol brought the conversation back to the valley trip like a persistent ghost.

Noeul didn’t want to upset Jiwoo by saying she didn’t remember, nor did she want to remind her of the strange atmosphere of that night.

“Ah, I remember Hyunsu being obsessed with the sea that time. He eventually went, right? Was it Yangyang?”

Hansol’s gaze lingered. She probably thought, Why bring up Hyunsu now, idiot?

Noeul ignored it.

Jiwoo said:

“Then shall we go on a beach trip in winter? Winter sea is romantic.”

“Yeah, the sea’s fine. How about you, Noeul?”

“Hmm… sounds nice. Eating sashimi with soju would be amazing.”

“Sashimi is too expensive.”

“But we went all the way to the sea, we should eat it.”

“Honestly, the best sashimi is in Seoul. All the best food comes to Seoul.”

“No, you don’t get it. Eating sashimi by the sea is like eating the sea itself.”

“Ugh, stop it.”

“One piece of sashimi, one piece of the sea.”

“I won’t eat.”

“Come on. No sashimi, no sea trip.”

She shook her head firmly. Then Jiwoo’s eyes went wide:

“You’re not going? Then I’m not going either.”

“…Well… your choice.”

For a moment, she didn’t know what to say and blurted out something.

“You’ll go even if I don’t?”

“….”

This time she couldn’t say a word. She opened her mouth a few times, then just tilted her head.

She gulped down her beer. Did Jiwoo always drink this fast?

It was awkward. Awkward, yet the kind of awkward she wanted to feel.

…But it was really awkward… yet she wanted it to continue.

She put down her glass and spoke as casually as possible:

“I’ll probably go to a TOEFL academy in winter break. I need to check the schedule… Do you guys have your TOEIC scores? We need a certain score to graduate. What was it again?”

“Why are you talking about that while drinking? We’re still sophomores.”

Jiwoo pouted.

“Junior year has its own things. Senior year has its own. We have to get it done when we have time, okay?”

“Why are you so obsessed with planning ahead today?”

“…These are things that become part of your bones and flesh. Listen carefully.”

“Noeul, why are you suddenly such a strict adult? …I’m going to the bathroom.”

Jiwoo got up and left the shop.

Phew…

She exhaled softly.

But Hansol was staring at her with narrowed eyes.

“…Why?”

“Really… you’re trying hard.”

“…….”

Noeul knew why Hansol was like that. What am I supposed to do…

She scratched her neck, avoiding Hansol’s gaze.

Hansol said:

“Are you going to keep doing that?”

“…I don’t know what you mean.”