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Chapter 30
“So, that woman?”
Roni’s behavior was rude to the point of being shocking.
Even if she were meeting him as Shuwen Berg, Roni would never have dared to show such disrespect just moments ago.
Let’s stop here.
If she kept defending Shuwen while wearing Esselian’s face, she might end up getting burned by the fallout herself.
That was something she wanted to avoid at all costs.
“Let’s not bring up people who have nothing to do with this. Roni, I no longer want you by my side.”
Shuwen redirected the conversation, which had already gone off the rails.
Roni seemed at a loss for words and said nothing.
“You can curse me if you want. I’ll let it slide this once.”
When would Roni ever dare to curse Esselian?
If their positions had been reversed, Shuwen felt she might have cursed him out of sheer resentment.
“How could I ever dare be so rude to Your Highness?”
“Then it can’t be helped.”
Shuwen ended the exchange quickly.
Only after speaking did she wonder if she had overdone it.
Even if I’m pretending to be Esselian, it still wouldn’t be right to tarnish his name.
“I’d like you to leave as soon as possible. I’ll put out a notice so you can find another position.”
“……”
“I’ll also write you a letter of recommendation. Considering your loyalty to Lanied all these years, I’ll double your severance pay.”
Esselian had said something similar on the carriage ride to Lanied.
You don’t need to attend official events. You may also handle internal affairs as you see fit.
Internal affairs? Such as…?
You may manage the estate or dismiss servants. However, you must not hire anyone new.
At the time, she hadn’t thought it would ever come up and had let it pass.
Who knew it would be this useful?
This should be a decent offer, right?
Shuwen applied the emperor’s proposal to Roni.
Roni, who had been quietly shedding tears, finally nodded in reluctant acceptance.
A moment later, she inhaled deeply, as if gathering all her strength, and spoke haltingly.
“This is the last time… If I leave now, I won’t be able to see you again, Your Highness.”
“That’s right.”
“……Please, just once—tell me you love me. I won’t ask for anything else. Just once.”
Roni hurriedly added, not giving Shuwen a chance to respond.
“I know it’s presumptuous. I know I sound insane. But feelings don’t just disappear all at once. Even after everything you said to me, my love hasn’t faded completely.”
Her desperation left Shuwen speechless.
Even if she had confessed to Esselian himself, she likely would have heard something similar.
Esselian was a man incapable of loving anyone.
Shuwen considered what response would lead to the best outcome.
Roni loved Esselian.
She couldn’t remember whether that twisted affection had ever shone brightly or not—but she did remember it being intense enough to make her tongue click in disbelief.
I can’t leave even a shred of hope.
With a heavy heart, Shuwen spoke. Hurting someone else never sat well with her.
Still, she felt wronged—hated simply for being the Grand Duchess.
Roni started this.
If Shuwen hadn’t read the novel, she might have ended up following the same path as Titiana.
“I don’t love you. Not ever. No matter what you do, I have no interest in you. So don’t hope for anything. Just leave.”
“……”
Silence fell.
Roni took a step forward, then began gathering the belongings she had hidden in a corner.
“Why are your things here?”
“I used them for a bit. I’m sorry. I didn’t have anywhere I could rest comfortably.”
“What about the servants’ annex?”
“That place is a battlefield too.”
The sound of her swallowing back sobs filled the air.
Shuwen turned her back and waited for Roni to leave.
Soon, she heard movement—Roni exiting the room.
The sound of the door opening, the heavy footsteps of someone forcing herself to move.
Then, a wet voice scattered through the quiet space.
“You’ll regret this.”
Click. The door closed.
Shuwen let out a small sigh and fiddled with her necklace.
She was about to take it off—
When applause sounded behind her.
“Brilliant acting.”
From the sofa she had been facing away from, an ash-brown head suddenly popped up.
A disheveled man, apparently lying there the whole time, yawned.
“Your Highness.”
It was Merchelli.
Shuwen’s eyes widened as she clenched the gemstone of the necklace she had been about to remove.
*****
“Roni, you’re really leaving?”
A colleague hovered anxiously around Roni as she packed.
Stuffing her belongings into a small bag, Roni wiped her tears with the back of her hand.
Unable to hold back her sobs, she clenched her teeth and breathed harshly.
Frustrated, the colleague grabbed her shoulder.
“What happened? You said you were just going to take a break alone.”
Roni slapped the hand away irritably.
Ignoring her stunned colleague, she headed toward the main building.
She walked the corridor she had known her entire life.
Young master.
Memories unfolded before her eyes as vividly as if they had happened yesterday.
The red carpet beneath her feet was soaked in blood. Screams echoed through the silent space.
But that was all.
Roni couldn’t continue the image.
Ten years ago.
Roni hadn’t been present at the incident where Grand Duke Lanied murdered the Grand Duchess.
By the time she saw Esselian drenched in blood, everything was already over.
Young lord.
A young Esselian sat before her.
His doll-like face, vacant and hollow, didn’t turn toward her.
Even when she gathered the courage to grasp his small shoulders, he only stared into empty space.
She told him it would be okay, though she herself knew it wouldn’t.
The Grand Duke had killed the Grand Duchess.
It was due to a sudden outbreak of madness.
Roni’s mother was a maid.
Unlike Roni, she had witnessed the incident firsthand.
At the Grand Duchess’s request, she fled the scene carrying Esselian away from the carnage.
This belonged to my lady.
Roni held out the locket her mother had given her to Esselian.
She had given it out of pity, seeing how he neither ate nor moved for days.
The past slowly faded.
Roni stopped and clenched her fists.
The knuckles gripping the leather bag’s strap turned white.
That was probably when it started.
The moment she discovered the weakness of a man who had always seemed perfect, she wanted to possess him.
But she didn’t allow herself to be greedy.
She had no right to.
Titiana von Lucenia.
If not for that woman—who had nothing but her status—
If that position can’t be mine…
Then no one else should have it either.
Roni turned and headed toward the Grand Duke’s bedroom.
She fervently wished that the tragedy of ten years ago would repeat itself.
Opening her bag, she stepped into the cold room.
*****
“What are you talking about, Merchelli?”
Shuwen spoke as Esselian would.
She tucked the necklace back beneath her clothes. Merchelli yawned and glanced at her with a knowing smirk.
“I saw everything. From the moment Your Highness started rummaging around back there.”
He pointed to the neatly arranged items.
Every box she had opened had been returned to its place, which was why Roni hadn’t suspected a thing.
The fact that he pointed to the exact spot meant he wasn’t bluffing.
Did he really see everything…?
Shuwen slightly turned toward the window.
A faint silhouette was reflected in the glass.
She still looked like Esselian.
Let’s deny it.
Being trapped in a closed space with Merchelli—who was always scheming to kidnap the medicine—was dangerous.
Shuwen cleared her throat.
“Merchelli, why are you here?”
Wow. That sounded exactly like Esselian.
Internally impressed, Shuwen lifted her chin arrogantly and looked down at him.
Being Esselian offered a strangely novel experience.
Merchelli hopped over the sofa and circled her.
Then he gestured toward her neck with his chin.
“Enough with the acting. I told you—I saw everything.”
“What did you see? Stop spouting nonsense.”
“Well, the uniform looks convincing. But I clearly heard you muttering ‘Found it!’ to yourself. No point pretending.”
“There’s no Grand Duchess here. Merchelli, stop sleep-talking and go back to sleep.”
But Merchelli seemed fully convinced that “Esselian” was Shuwen.
From the sound of it, he’d practically seen everything from the beginning.
I should’ve checked the sofa too!
Who would have thought he’d be sleeping in an unused storage room?
She regretted only giving the place a cursory glance.
“I don’t know what happened with that maid earlier, but why not just kick her out yourself? Ah—don’t tell me you’re already policing your husband?”
Suddenly, Merchelli stepped directly in front of her.
“Whatever. I don’t care.”
“……”
He reached out, trying to grab her—Esselian’s—hand.
Watching the Grand Duchess step back and hide her hand, Merchelli smiled slyly.
“Want to trade secrets?”
*****
“Ah, I’m exhausted.”
Shuwen groaned softly as she collapsed onto the bed.
Remembering the rabbit belatedly, she shot up—thankfully, it was drinking water inside its iron cage.
“Seriously exhausting…”
She flopped back down, staring at the ceiling, then slowly raised her hand.
It looked noticeably small.
Having lived her whole life in this body, she hadn’t realized it before—but after experiencing Esselian’s body, her own hands now felt tiny.
Her eyes slowly closed.
Then she jolted upright.
She’d almost fallen asleep.
No, no. If she was going to sleep, she needed to hug Esselian first.
Whenever they only held hands, he grew restless.
It was because he used less of the medicine.
Shuwen herself preferred hugging to hand-holding.
After a hug, Esselian usually wouldn’t complain even if she skipped “duties” for the next day or so.
The problem was—it had already been three days since their last hug.
If I put it off again, he might say something.
She wanted to maintain a peaceful relationship with him.
Like soaking her feet in lukewarm water—just warm enough.
Shuwen fought off the lure of sleep and forced herself up.
She secretly added medicine to the tea the servant brought, then carried the tray herself.
The servant, who had turned his back at her command, was flustered at the sight of the Grand Duchess holding the tray.
Shuwen reassured him and headed out.
Before leaving, she heightened her guard.
He’s not still out there… right?
“Trade secrets? I’ll pretend I didn’t see this—just touch me once. Keep it a secret from Esselian.”
Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t agree to that.
The medicine was in the room. When she refused, Merchelli grumbled.
“You’re being stingy. At least repay the gift I gave you.”
“I appreciate the thought, but that wasn’t a gift.”
Merchelli froze when she stopped pretending.
He’d already seen through her.
There was no reasoning with him.
She didn’t want to waste time.
She needed to make her refusal absolutely clear.
Even though he wasn’t someone who accepted rejection easily, Shuwen had no better option in that moment.
The necklace only mimicked appearance—it didn’t grant strength—so she couldn’t shove him away.
Merchelli tapped her ear lightly.
Then he smiled, satisfied.
What is wrong with him?
As Shuwen desperately searched for something she could use as a weapon, Merchelli suddenly lunged to grab her hand.
She yanked it back, eyes wide.
“Don’t.”
Merchelli fluttered his fingers in irritation.
“Your Highness only needs to hold my hand.”
“No.”
“Why? I don’t do it for you?”
“No.”
At her firm refusal, Merchelli raised a finger and whined.
“Just once. I’m losing my mind. I might die soon because of this illness.”
Like a child, he begged her to make contact just once.
She had barely escaped and returned to her room when—
“Your Highness! You can’t just run in like that!”
As she opened the door, Merchelli—who had been leaning against the wall—sprang up and scolded her.
He really was still there.
His gaze, which had been fixed upward, slowly drifted down.
Seeing Shuwen, who barely reached his chest, he made a stupid sound.
“Huh. You’re back?”
“……”
“Shame. I kind of liked hearing Esselian speak politely.”
“Sir Merchelli, please leave now.”
“Leave? Where would I go? I’m a guest.”
Shuwen clenched her teeth and smiled.
“To your room. Please return to the room assigned to you.”
“Why?”
“It’s late. This is inappropriate.”
“And where is the Grand Duchess headed at this hour, carrying tea so suspiciously?”
Merchelli reached out to take the tray.
Shuwen swiftly turned, slipped past him, and added casually,
“To the Grand Duke’s room.”
“Huh? Why?”
“To fulfill my duties as his wife.”
