🔊 TTS Settings
Chapter~09
“Hernan, there’s something I’ve been wondering.”
“What is it?”
“Was there really never a single moment when you fell for me?”
“…”
“Not even the slightest bit of affection?”
“Of course not.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
“Not even after we kissed?”
“Not even after we kissed.”
The original Fidelia.
She had been a pharmacist.
She played a crucial role in saving the original heroine after she was poisoned, driving Kiara even deeper into despair.
“Why did you save her?
You could have refused to treat her.
You knew I hated that girl…!”
“I merely did my job.”
“If it weren’t for you, Mother, she’d already be rotting in hell by now!”
But right now, worrying about the original heroine could wait.
‘I’m the one who’s about to die.’
At this rate, I’d have no choice but to follow the original Fidelia’s path and become a pharmacist.
I didn’t know the first thing about medicine, but studying was simply a matter of learning what I didn’t understand.
Pharmacology was still a science, and there were bound to be overlaps with biology.
‘If I work hard enough… I think I can manage somehow.’
To summarize my situation, I was now facing the prospect of changing careers for the second time just to survive this colossal disaster.
From a Korean…
To Fidelia.
From a biologist…
To a pharmacist!
And throughout all of this, I couldn’t tell anyone about my illness.
The encyclopedia never gave my condition an official medical name.
It merely stated that the Church referred to it as God’s Punishment.
“Upon the fallen soul is branded God’s mark, a life of suffering, and an early death…”
‘In other words, if I don’t want to be hunted down as a witch, I’d better keep my mouth shut.’
‘I guess I can’t visit the Church anymore.’
I could probably cover the mark completely with clothing, but it still made me uneasy.
“How about we stop by the Church once before we leave for the territory?”
If Sanna hadn’t said that…
I probably would have avoided the Church forever.
Sanna was a devout believer.
“…Why the Church?”
I asked just in case.
The answer I got was a scolding.
“What do you mean, why?
To pray, obviously.
I’m going to ask that I never run into Hernan again.”
‘…Well.’
‘If that’s the reason, maybe praying isn’t such a bad idea.’
At that moment, Kiara unexpectedly came to my rescue.
“I’m not going.”
She turned her head away with a pout.
I looked at her curiously.
“Why not?”
“God is dead.”
‘Why does that sound like something Nietzsche would say?’
I cautiously glanced at Sanna.
Any devout believer would naturally be upset after hearing someone declare that God was dead.
Even if the speaker was Kiara.
But Sanna merely shrugged.
“That’s one way to see it.
Arguments over proving God’s existence have continued for ages.”
I had expected her to explode.
Instead, she responded calmly.
“One school of thought asks this:
‘If God possesses both omniscience and the will to stop evil, then where does evil in this world come from?’
Whether God is powerless, dead, or merely an observer is still debated among scholars.
Though, of course, the fundamental premise that God exists has never changed.
Whether He existed, exists, or…”
‘That’s not just common knowledge.
That’s practically academic.’
Sanna was knowledgeable in all sorts of fields.
Theology was apparently one of them.
‘She’s kind of…
a nerd.’
Incidentally, in this world, it wasn’t Epicurus but another philosopher who proposed that paradox.
“So you believe God is dead, Kiara?
That’s certainly an interesting perspective.
The idea that humanity must kill God and create meaning for ourselves.”
Sanna nodded with a serious expression.
But I found myself speechless.
I seriously doubted Kiara had meant anything that profound.
Her declaration that “God is dead” probably had little to do with nihilism.
Sure enough, Kiara looked completely confused, as if she hadn’t understood a word.
And I…
I felt as though I was about to understand something.
‘God.
Death.
Kiara.
…The villainess, Kiara.’
Her entire life had been filled with despair.
“God is dead.”
‘…I see.’
‘Now I understand.’
‘Kiara…
At the very end of your despair, you killed God.’
“Well, if you don’t want to go, then don’t.
I don’t really expect the Lord to grant my wishes anyway.”
Sanna clapped her hands together and resumed packing the few belongings she had.
Whether God was dead or not genuinely didn’t seem to bother her.
“As long as God exists, that’s enough for me.
It’s nice having someone to complain to for free.”
That was certainly one way of looking at it.
I wasn’t nearly as devout as Sanna, but I believed God existed.
Actually…
It wasn’t really a matter of belief.
‘Because God truly exists.’
In this world, that was an objective fact.
Perhaps that was why I understood Kiara’s rejection of God even more.
While Sanna busied herself packing, I quietly walked over to Kiara and hugged her.
“W-What?”
I leaned close and whispered into her ear.
Quietly enough that Sanna couldn’t hear.
As though sharing a secret.
“Honestly…
I didn’t want to go to the Church either.”
Kiara blinked her golden eyes.
Then her face lit up with a bright smile.
“I knew it!”
She threw her arms around me excitedly.
‘You knew it?’
‘What exactly is that supposed to mean?’
As always, I couldn’t quite figure out what Kiara was thinking.
I simply patted her gently on the back.
Outside, the rain had finally stopped.
The next day.
After returning to the Jonas townhouse, we finished preparing for our journey to the territory and boarded a carriage bound for the train station.
“I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, Pippin.”
“Boo hoo…”
“Don’t pretend to cry.”
“Yes, Miss.”
Pippin tucked away the handkerchief he’d been dabbing at his dry eyes with and returned to his usual dignified appearance.
“You’re really leaving this time?”
“Absolutely.
I’d go even if someone tried to stop me.”
“And you truly don’t intend to return?”
“That’s right.”
“Oh, dear…”
Pippin shifted restlessly from foot to foot, muttering under his breath.
Judging by the sound of it, he was probably cursing Hernan.
“Take care.”
Before leaving Duke Hernan Cleor’s estate, I offered him one final farewell.
I wished for him to live well.
To live as long as possible.
To never die.
Of course, Hernan had no idea what I truly meant.
“You needn’t tell me.
I can take care of myself.”
“You know it’s just a polite expression, don’t you?”
“…You call that being polite?”
“I was copying you.”
Ignoring the utterly dumbfounded look on his face, I leaned out of the carriage window and waved.
We had argued endlessly, but I wasn’t heartless enough to leave without a proper goodbye.
“Goodbye for real.”
“…”
“Sorry for bothering you all this time.”
“…”
“Take care.
I truly mean it.”
With those final words, I closed the carriage door.
Oh, and as for The Great Encyclopedia of Rare Diseases that I’d borrowed from Hernan…
I copied everything I needed by hand before returning it to the library.
“I’ve watched over you ever since you were this little, Miss.”
Pippin’s eyebrows drooped into a sorrowful arch.
The old butler never shed tears.
Instead, every muscle in his face expressed his heartbreak.
“We’ll meet again someday.”
That day would probably be far in the future.
After extracting a promise that we’d meet again before he grew old and died, the elderly butler bowed gracefully.
“May light always shine upon the path you walk.”
At last, we arrived at the train station.
Kiara proudly purchased the tickets and strode confidently onto the platform.
“Things are different from when we looked like beggars.”
With her arms folded, Kiara lifted her chin proudly.
Afraid of losing sight of her, I gently pulled her closer while checking the clock tower in the distance.
“It’ll be here soon.”
At last, we were heading to the Jonas territory.
I straightened my loosened collar, trying to calm my restless heart.
‘I wonder if Mother and Father are doing well.’
No news was good news.
Since nothing unusual had happened, they were probably fine.
‘I don’t even know what I’ll say when I see them.’
‘Should I tell them I came home after getting my heart broken?’
‘Or should I tell them their precious daughter is terminally ill and has come home to recover?’
As I continued agonizing over it, a sound echoed from the distance.
Clank, clank…
Wheeeeeee!
‘Oh.’
A gleaming black locomotive rolled into the platform, billowing thick clouds of steam.
So that was a steam train.
‘Cars will probably appear before long…’
It couldn’t be far off.
Steam-powered automobiles already existed, even if they hadn’t yet entered widespread use.
The train came to a complete stop.
An attendant opened the door.
After helping Kiara aboard, I stepped onto the train myself.
Just then, Sanna caught hold of my arm.
When I turned around, she was staring at me with unusual seriousness.
We stood facing each other between the platform and the train.
“Tell me honestly.
You’re never going to see Hernan Cleor again, right?”
“…”
I remained silent.
‘Hernan Cleor.’
‘The man I loved more than anyone else in every life I’ve lived.’
‘…The man I loved.’
“You’ve really let him go, haven’t you?
I’m asking because I don’t want you running back here right after returning to the territory.
You’re certain?”
Sanna asked once more.
I finally answered.
“Of course.”
Even so, I asked myself one last time.
‘Really?’
‘Can I truly live without him?’
The next moment, I clenched my teeth.
‘So what if there’s no man in my life?
It’s not like I can’t survive without one.’
At last, I spoke aloud.
My ordinary brown eyes, reflected in Sanna’s blue ones, were filled with resolve.
“I’ll never go looking for Hernan again.”
Never again.
