TNLA 39

Chapter 39

“I proposed. But I was rejected.”

“What? When… ah…”

She recalled the time when Kashien, after his recovery, had visited Shuel. As if confirming her memory, he continued speaking.

“When I visited Shuel. Your father refused. Citing all sorts of reasons.”

She remembered how the atmosphere had turned sharply sour after she had a private meeting with her father.

“Still… if he wanted it that badly, maybe he could… again…”

“When I asked him what I should bring to get his approval, he said no matter what I brought, he could never allow it.”

She squeezed her eyes shut.

Thinking back, it was natural from her father’s perspective to refuse. Not only would it have strengthened ties with the deposed prince—whom the king most distrusted—through marriage, raising suspicion, but also her health made pregnancy and childbirth impossible.

For Arlen, with her fragile body, carrying a child was dangerous, so her parents had no intention of marrying her to the head or heir of a noble house. In Ashneran society, where only legitimate heirs could inherit titles and estates outside the royal family, the matriarch of a high-ranking noble family could never escape the pressure to produce heirs.

Especially since the title of Duke Requies was newly established, there was no collateral branch to inherit it. If Kashien didn’t have a legitimate heir, both the title and lands would revert to the crown. Even if the head agreed, the vassals would undoubtedly protest the succession issue.

Her father had refused for her sake.

Tears began to flow again beneath her closed eyelids.

“Even your father didn’t tell you about my proposal, it seems.”

That… that was because he didn’t want to hurt me. He always kept such matters hidden because he worried I might be hurt, as I had already given up so many things that other girls my age took for granted…

“I wanted to bring you more elegantly, too,” Kashien added regretfully.

But no,

How could this happen?

How… how could this happen…

Just because my engagement was rejected, just… just… for that reason?

Just because of me?

All of this, really because of me?

Because when I was young, I had clumsily wrapped a bandage for him?

Because I brought this monster into my family and all those people?

Because of my own hands…

Tears slipped from her closed eyes, soaking the bedsheets.

Suddenly, she remembered what he had said with a chilling look when she had gone to see him off for the last time.

“I’ll come for you soon, my lady.”

“So… that time, when he said he’d come for me soon…”

“Did I say that? Whether the engagement succeeded or not, I always thought I’d bring you to me.”

“Since then…”

“It took longer than expected. But it’s fine; in the end, you came to me like this.”

He brushed her tears away with his fingers, but they kept flowing, making little difference.

“Don’t cry, my gentle lady.”

He pressed his lips against her tears in a tender kiss.

His lady was so gentle, clearly mourning the dead with her tears. She was a kind-hearted, emotional young woman.

She had been hurt. Kashien knew this. He wished he could have brought her without causing pain, elegantly and gently.

But there was no such way, so he had to bring her even if it meant causing hurt. After all, she was his, and he had to bring her.

In time, she would accept it, get used to it, and smile again.

He would let her see, wear, eat, and enjoy only good things. He would make sure she could forget the pain and smile once more.

If she was sad from losing her family, he would become her new family. Her one precious presence in the world, just as she was to him.

Then everything would be fine. Someday, she would smile at him again with those clear green eyes, and he could wholly cherish her warm touch.

It might take some time to reach that point, but it was fine. Now she would stay by his side, and there was plenty of time.

“Stay by my side. I’ll give you everything.”

He gently caressed her tear-streaked cheeks.

Her pale, hardened body only drew shallow breaths, tears streaming from her closed eyes.

My pitiful lady.

He licked her tears with his tongue after brushing them away with his fingers.

Salty yet sweet. How could it be so sweet and fragrant? So soft and warm? He had longed for this for so long. Overwhelmed by the ecstatic sensation, he buried his nose in her neck, inhaling her scent deeply.

He had intended to wait until her body recovered, but her pale skin, long exposed to the wait, was too tempting. Before he knew it, he began to explore her white neck with his tongue, embracing her fragile, soft body tightly.

His hands moved from her neck to her shoulders, caressing the round contours, exploring the soft warmth at his fingertips. As his hands traveled, the front of her garment gradually opened downward.

Her bare white skin, which he had long dreamed of but never seen, became increasingly exposed. The sensation was dizzying, ecstatic, and he involuntarily let out a trembling breath.

He drank in the sweet skin. Yet one taste was not enough to quench his thirst. The more he saw, the more he wanted to see; the more he felt, the more he wanted to feel. His desire consumed him completely.

If he held her all night, would this thirst vanish? If he swallowed her entirely, would she truly feel his?

Below him, Arlen could do nothing but gasp for breath.

Truly, everything… because of me, everything that happened… because of what I did…

She recalled that night escaping the Duke’s mansion, delirious with fever, hearing screams.

The rows of heads stuck in the square, the corpses dangling along the castle walls.

Her rotting brothers, friends, parents.

She had wished for her family’s happiness, wanting to help them. That alone had been her life’s goal and hope.

Her weak body made it difficult to learn, and she questioned whether she could survive long enough to use her knowledge. So, she chose the only thing she could do immediately: being a good daughter, a good lady.

She had hoped her family would be proud, that they would be happy seeing her, remember her fondly. She wished that others would appreciate her family because of her.

That was why she helped others, why she had been kind to the boy under the tree.

Yet because of her, because of the clumsy kindness she had shown as a child, her family was brutally slaughtered, their corpses fed to crows.

She shouldn’t have done anything.

Shouldn’t have tried anything.

She shouldn’t have been born uselessly, shouldn’t have wandered outside, shouldn’t have attempted anything clumsily—just stayed in her room and breathed until death came.

Shouldn’t have taken medicine, shouldn’t have struggled to live longer—she should have died early. Maybe then her family would have grieved, but they wouldn’t have been slaughtered so horribly.

She stared blankly at Kashien, who was exploring her body.

Because of this useless body, this frail, worthless body, so many precious people… people who could have lived happily and long…

Even now, they were being torn apart by black crows.

And she, who caused it, lived on alone…

Ah, I see.

I, too, am being devoured.

By that black monster, my body is being bitten away.

She closed her eyes.

What was happening to her body felt distant, as if it were happening somewhere far away to someone else. It felt as if she didn’t exist here. She wished she didn’t exist.

This cursed body…

8. Reunion

On a cold night, with the winter wind blowing and only the pale light of a crescent moon, a man sat in a tall tree, hidden in the darkness.

Clad entirely in black, he was almost perfectly camouflaged among the black leaves.

He stared intently at a castle visible over the high wall opposite. More precisely, at a single room. Beyond the large glass doors of the balcony of that room.

He couldn’t see well from this distance. Yet he remained motionless, staring for a long time.

Perhaps he saw nothing. He knew it. He probably saw nothing, but the tiny hope that he might see something made him sit here almost every night, braving the winter wind.

Suddenly, something white flickered inside the room beyond the balcony.

“It’s her.”