TNLA 38

Chapter 38

“……No……”

When she finally spoke, the fire in his chest seemed to cool a little. Just hearing her voice, even that short word, did something.

“So?”

“……”

“Don’t you like the garden?”

“……”

“Huh?”

He waited quietly for her answer.

“……I’m scared.”

“Scared? Of what? The garden?”

“……”

The fountain.

The fountain where you had my brothers’ heads cut off and stuck on spikes.

Arlen could not speak; she kept her mouth clamped shut.

Kashien watched her for a long while, thinking she had at last opened her mouth, only to close it again. His mood cooled. He rose from his seat and stepped toward her. With each step he took, she froze more and more.

This is not right.

She was mine now—inside my castle, in my room, in my hands—so why didn’t she feel like mine?

Why did it still feel like you were still here?

“Arlen, my lady. I’m not going to hurt you—why are you so afraid of me?”

When he leaned in and whispered close to her ear, her head very slowly turned toward him as if some rusty hinge creaked. Tears swam in her eyes; she was holding them back with all her might.

She seemed about to say something, her lips twitching, but then she shut them again and turned her face away to avoid him.

“How can I make you trust me……”

Kashien reached out, took Arlen’s hand that lay meekly on her lap, and gently kissed it. She flinched and tried to pull her hand away; he gripped it tighter and drew it into his mouth. The tremble in her flesh was transmitted to his lips.

“How can I make you smile for me again? Hm?”

Her fingers were sweet. Yes—these fingers were now his. His lips traveled slowly up her arm, kissing along the way until he reached the exposed shoulder above the dress’s neckline. While she turned her head to look away, the roundness his tongue met was smooth.

He knew she was bearing this moment with all her strength; he could not not know. The gooseflesh on her skin. The constant, thin trembling. The way her eyes averted, refusing to meet his.

He took her cheek with one hand to force her face toward him. When she tried to avoid him, he used both hands. When he forced her to meet his gaze, she closed her eyes.

Her stubborn refusal to look at him, the silence of her mouth that no longer spoke to him, the face that had once shone bright but long ago lost its smile….

I thought having you beside me would quench this thirst, but instead the lack only got worse.

How can I possess you?

He crushed her lips to his.

“Huup—!”

Startled, she thrashed and tried to push him away, but he seized the back of her neck and held her down so she could not move.

At the sudden change in the room, the maid and the servants exchanged glances and then hurried out.

He ravenously explored her soft lips, and when she, shocked, parted them slightly, he plunged inside.

He rummaged the corners of her mouth, tangled her tongue, as if to suck everything she had through her lips. The hot, soft flesh—no matter how much he swallowed, it was never enough.

It was far sweeter and more intoxicating than he had imagined; the euphoria made him dizzy. Yet the more he took, the more he wanted. He was thirsty.

He lifted her up in one motion. She struggled and wriggled, but his firm grip subdued her easily.

He laid her on the bed and trapped her between his arms. She turned her back and buried her face in the sheets.

She looked pitiable and infuriating.

“Is that hiding?”

She gasped.

“Arlen.”

He made her turn her face to look at him. For a moment she looked at him, then closed her eyes and bit her lower lip—an expression he had seen more often lately: someone resigning herself and trying to endure.

“My lady.”

Have I become someone you must simply endure and give up to?

“Don’t refuse me. Look at me.”

He stroked her cheek, then let his fingers slide to the soft lips he’d just tasted. Wherever his finger passed, the tender flesh sank. Seeing that made the thirst rise anew.

He took her lower lip into his mouth, rolled it with his tongue, and sucked. If he swallowed her whole and made her part of him, would the thirst ease?

He lightly held down the wrist of the hand that tried to push him away and pursued the struggling, fleeing her for a long while, savoring her.

At last the endless kiss ended. As soon as he let go of her wrist, she suddenly struck his cheek hard—and seemed to be as surprised as he. But Kashien did not flinch, did not blink; he looked entirely untouched and composed.

Realizing he had let her hit him on purpose made her feel worse.

She already knew any resistance was pointless. But even those futile protests were only allowed by him—and that realization stung.

Arlen turned her head aside and breathed shakily. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, but a horrible helplessness made tears slip down and wet the sheets.

Please, let this time pass quickly. Let his whims pass so he grows tired of me and abandons me….

As if he had read her thought, Kashien, who had been watching her quietly, spoke.

“Arlen, your place is here now. From now on. Forever.”

He brushed her cheek.

“I won’t send you anywhere, so accept it and stay by my side.”

His hand slid lower and caressed the pale, slender nape of her neck. She stiffened again.

Does she think I’ll strangle her? Break her neck?

“Arlen, I won’t harm you. Do you know how long I waited to get you? How much I had to do,”

Kashien toyed with the green necklace at her throat. When he was at the northern front, he had deliberately taken that piece from the Urik royal treasures to give to her; he had always kept it to hand. It matched the color of her eyes. They said it passed from queen to queen over generations.

“I conquered a country for you, and even changed this realm’s crown prince for you—why would I ever hurt the one I fought so hard to obtain?”

At those words, she held her breath.

Strange words—words she could not understand.

“So you mean……”

He was saying it wasn’t that she was dragged into destruction as a side effect of power struggles. It wasn’t that. It was that from the beginning, everything had been for her….

“Call a doctor. She looks unwell.”

Seeing Arlen pale and gasping, Kashien, about to call for the servant, stopped as she gripped his hand. It was the first time she reached for him; Kashien looked at her cold hand in surprise.

“If that’s the case… if you wanted me… you should have proposed properly. Put a marriage offer forward… not like this… this is… this…”

She panted the words with difficulty. Kashien looked down at her for a moment. Unsure whether to continue the conversation here or to stop and fetch a doctor, he finally spoke.

“Ah, Arlen. From the forest by that palace, from under that tree, I have wanted only you. From the moment you tied that green ribbon around me, you were already mine. Didn’t you know?”

“……”

“Sure, it took a long time to get you, but it’s fine—now you will be by my side forever.”

Kashien cupped her cheek with one hand and smiled.

“I don’t need anything else. Only you—only you are my everything, my light, my world. I have always wanted to look at you, touch you, hear you—always wanted you to smile in my arms. War, the crown prince—anything, if necessary for him, I would do.”

He leaned in and whispered into her ear as if confessing a burning love. But the breath on her ear felt like poison to Arlen; she could barely breathe and gasped.

She had known nothing—not at all.

She had thought she was pulled in as collateral, a victim swept up in power struggles that sometimes happen in history. Bitter as it was, she believed it was that sort of fate.

But no—

Then… then—

She realized it wasn’t that. From the start, it had all been for her alone.

“Then… then……”

She looked at him with confused, pale eyes, and he let out a hollow laugh.

“Oh, Arlen. I wasn’t particularly concerned about who became crown prince, but given the situation, the only way to bring you here was to change the balance of power. Prince Juhead’s interests aligned with mine.”

“Because of me… me? Surely… you can’t be serious…?”

“Originally, going to the north without complaint was for you. To gain title and power to win your hand. I hadn’t planned to meddle in the succession, but the northern campaign alone wasn’t enough.”

“To get me…? Why? …why me? Suddenly me……”

She looked up at him, bewildered. He gave a bitter chuckle.

“You wrapped my head with a green ribbon in that palace forest—you were already mine from that moment. Didn’t you know?”

“……”

“Anyway, it just took time to bring you, but it’s okay. Now you will be beside me forever.”

Kashien smiled as he held her cheek tenderly.

“I want nothing else. Only you, only you are my all—my light, my world. I’ve always wanted to look at you, touch you, hear you—always wanted you to smile in my arms. For war, for the crown prince—anything, if needed, I will do.”

He bent close and whispered in her ear like a fervent lover, but to Arlen his breath felt like poison; she could hardly breathe and panted.

She had known nothing—absolutely nothing.

She had thought she was dragged into ruin by power struggles, an unfortunate collateral of history. It was awful, but she had assumed it was the kind of thing that happens.

But it wasn’t.

“It seems you’re not well. I’ll have a doctor called.”

Seeing Arlen pale and struggling for breath, Kashien reached to pull the bell-rope, but she grabbed his hand to stop him. It was the first time she had touched him; he looked at her cold hand, surprised.

“If that’s how it is—if you wanted me… you should have proposed formally… put forth a marriage proposal… not like this… this is… this…”

She gasped out the words; Kashien looked down, mulling whether to continue the conversation or call a doctor. After a moment, he spoke.