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Chapter 73
The Male Lead Is Obsessed with Proposing
67. Wounds Deeper than Love
When the dream of a not-so-long day within those eight years ended, Senelia opened her eyes.
“Ah… right, that day was the beginning.”
Only then did Senelia remember.
The day her panic had started.
Three years ago… even though she knew Lucalina might be in danger, she had clung to Venerucia for her own safety.
At that moment, Senelia had found herself unbearably terrible.
“Sel… are you awake?”
Hearing Venerucia’s voice and presence, Senelia turned her head.
She wasn’t sure how long she had been unconscious, but even though it didn’t seem like too long, Venerucia’s complexion didn’t look good.
“…You really do love me.”
Senelia thought blankly.
It was only after hearing from others that Venerucia loved her that she could truly accept that fact.
Yet even so… she still could not believe that Venerucia’s love would last forever.
Because of his past actions?
No.
Senelia now knew the answer.
It was because she could not love herself.
Weak, not particularly righteous, and lacking a burning will, she could not love her own exceedingly ordinary self.
Her ordinariness had never been able to pull her out of unhappiness.
“Sel, have you ever thought about learning magic?”
Senelia realized at least one thing.
The reason Venerucia urged her to gain strength.
It was to help her free herself from Clifd.
Only then could Senelia even consider the thought of escaping from Clifd.
As long as she lived her life as Clifd’s dog, nothing could ever improve.
“I’m sorry, Sel… I didn’t mean to have you face Luna…”
Venerucia apologized with regret.
Interrupting his words, Senelia asked,
“Ven… will you not abandon me?”
Venerucia’s expression stiffened.
He worried that Senelia might not trust him again.
Yet, unusually, even with that expression, she continued speaking.
“…If that’s the case… if I still have a chance…”
Senelia lacked confidence in her own judgment.
Her life had never gone according to her wishes even once in eight years.
So the words she now spoke could only come after fully believing that Venerucia loved her.
“Please help me gain strength.”
Senelia clutched the blanket tightly with both hands.
Venerucia first asked if she wanted to learn magic, but just agreeing to it now made her nervous.
Yet she need not have been nervous at all.
“Sel, if that’s what you want, I’ll gladly… do anything.”
Venerucia grasped her tense hands with a delighted smile.
The tension that had built in her shoulders instantly dissolved.
He gently pressed her weary shoulders against the headboard.
“…But, Sel.”
Venerucia hesitated briefly before speaking.
“You can do whatever you want… but shouldn’t you get treatment?”
“…Treatment?”
“Collapsing like this every time, having trouble breathing—it’s not good for you.”
Venerucia lightly brushed Senelia’s hair aside.
He was infinitely careful, as if soothing a child.
“…That’s…”
Senelia hesitated.
It wasn’t her body that hurt.
If she were to get better, she would first have to explain why she developed panic symptoms.
Even someone like Senelia couldn’t easily tell others that she hated herself so much.
If a doctor asked for the reason, she would have to recount everything she had done in the past.
It was unbearable even to imagine.
“I’ll think about it, Your Majesty.”
Senelia’s tone unconsciously calmed down again.
Venerucia now understood that this was her refusal.
“…Alright, then.”
But he could not force her.
He could clearly see Senelia on the terrace below, and her fragility worried him.
“Rest a bit more for now.”
Venerucia laid Senelia down.
Even after fainting once, sleep didn’t come easily, and she turned toward him.
“…Ven, Your Majesty… you know that Lord Elihan came to the Duke’s residence today, right?”
Clifd always kept watch on Venerucia and Lucalina.
There was no way he didn’t know Lucalina had visited the Afron residence.
“The reason Lord Elihan visited me today… was because the Emperor said if I didn’t handle the hunting festival preparations, he would assign them to Lord Elihan instead.”
Senelia spoke cautiously.
“Your Majesty mentioned that the Emperor had already spoken to the Duke about it.”
Venerucia gritted his teeth.
Clifd had relayed different messages to him and Senelia.
“So…”
Senelia trailed off.
She felt awkward admitting that she had gone ahead with the preparations herself because she didn’t trust Venerucia.
“In the end, Sel… you ended up taking charge of the hunting festival preparations.”
The result Senelia couldn’t speak came from Venerucia’s mouth.
Venerucia had tried so hard to keep Clifd and Senelia from meeting, but it had all been in vain.
He swallowed the sigh that threatened to escape.
A heavy silence fell between them.
Their relationship was twisted and tangled endlessly, like a knotted skein that produced new tangles even as old ones were undone.
Unfortunately, among the eight years they had spent together, there had been no mutual trust.
“…I’m sorry. I should have said it sooner.”
Venerucia calmed himself as he spoke.
Making Senelia feel heavier now would solve nothing.
He believed the situation was gradually improving.
He didn’t want to make it worse.
“My brother called me recently and said… Sel, he wants you to handle the hunting festival preparations. If that happens, you’ll need to go to the palace often, so I was planning to refuse on my own.”
Venerucia chose his words carefully.
Lately, he had been exercising the most patience of his life.
“But if you didn’t accept, he said our marriage would be postponed again. I was worried… if the wedding was delayed, Sel, you’d become anxious again.”
Senelia quietly listened.
She knew she hadn’t done well either, but it was unfamiliar to have him explain things so carefully, and she didn’t know how to react.
“…I didn’t decide what to do myself, so I didn’t tell you anything. My silence must have made you misunderstand, I’m sorry.”
Venerucia apologized again.
He patted the back of her hand.
“The hunting festival… if you want to handle it, do so. If not, tell me. There are many ways to manage it.”
He tried to comfort her.
According to the doctor, minimizing her stress would prevent further fainting.
Though inexperienced in comforting someone, it meant a lot to Senelia.
Though she hated comparisons, she knew how Venerucia treated Lucalina with love.
She couldn’t help but imagine it.
Even in her imagination, Venerucia would never soothe Lucalina like this, because Lucalina wasn’t weak.
Though it seemed petty, Senelia felt satisfied being the first one to receive such care from Venerucia.
“…Ven.”
Senelia moved closer to the edge of the bed and called him.
There was a faint hint of childishness in her voice.
“…I can’t sleep.”
Venerucia blinked.
He hesitated, as if her words hadn’t fully registered.
Then her arms slipped around his waist.
“Ven, put me to sleep.”
Her soft, coaxing voice wrapped around him.
He unconsciously held her arms, then flinched.
If Your Majesty wishes… this could go even further.
He recalled her words after their fervent kiss.
Venerucia had never intended to hold her when she fainted.
He only remembered how casually Senelia had thrown herself at him before.
Now he feared that she might still be doing that.
He was no longer certain.
Whether all those nights they spent together were truly what Senelia wanted.
Because she had to stay by Venerucia’s side somehow.
“…Ven?”
This time Senelia blinked in surprise.
Venerucia had firmly removed her arms from his waist.
“…I’ll stay by your side until you fall asleep.”
He entwined their hands.
It was the best he could do right now.
With his other hand, he covered her eyes.
His hand was large enough to perfectly shield her expression.
In the shadow cast over her face, Senelia’s expression darkened.
After a long silence, she gently pulled his hand down and spoke as if confirming.
