TMLOP 38

Chapter 38 

 Love Doesn’t Matter

Just the fact that the Emperor was doing something to her made Senelia feel nauseous.

The Emperor’s child is mine?

How could anyone love such a being?

“You don’t look pleased at all,”

Clifford chuckled softly.

Even Senelia’s reaction seemed amusing to the Emperor.

Of course. Her disgust was no threat to Clifford whatsoever.

That’s why he always played with her at ease.

“…This is too much honor for someone like me, Your Majesty,”

Senelia lowered her head and replied.

She didn’t feel the need to tidy up her emotions.

Clifford would always see right through her anyway, and no one ever cared about how she felt.

So what was the point in trying to manage it?

“Yes, and I’m saying I’ll allow you that excessive honor.”

Clifford’s hand cupped Senelia’s cheek.

His hair was a deeper, honeyed gold than even Benelucia’s, and his golden eyes shone like pure, precious metal.

His appearance was dazzling beyond belief. With such a romantic demeanor, one might expect the moment to feel charming.

But she couldn’t breathe.

It was as if she were prey, toyed with by a predator just waiting to devour her.

“Do you know that you suit my tastes quite well?”

Clifford’s arm coiled around Senelia’s waist like a snake.

As he pulled her close, only a palm’s width remained between them.

Senelia’s stomach churned.

Of course she fit Clifford’s taste.

She was someone who feared him and would remain obedient forever.

How easy and convenient that must be.

Maybe it would’ve been better if—on the day she first realized she was the thorn of Cloracean—Clifford had just cut her throat without her ever realizing a thing.

Senelia found herself thinking that without even meaning to.

Neigh—

Had it not been for the sudden sound of a horse outside the window, she might have begged him.

Please, just kill me.

“My, we’ve got a visitor.”

As the sound of hooves drew closer to her townhouse, Clifford’s arm slipped away.

Even though he called the person a “disturber,” he didn’t look the least bit displeased.

On the contrary, Clifford smiled with amusement.

Only then did Senelia finally breathe out as her tense chest deflated.

In that moment that had felt like death, she was finally released.

“My dear younger brother has arrived, so I’ll be going now.”

Clifford moved toward the window.

Senelia could only watch blankly as he vanished in a flash, unable to even think of following him out.

A knock soon echoed from downstairs.

Just as Clifford said, it was Benelucia.

Thump.

She collapsed where she stood.

Senelia hugged her knees to her chest and buried her face between them.

How horrible it was that even now, it was Benelucia who saved her.

And so… she could never abandon him first.

She wanted to cry.

Again, today.

Perhaps it was obvious, but Senelia did not cry.

She had to greet Benelucia.

“…Your Grace, what brings you all the way here?”

Her tone was as calm as always. No—more than usual, she seemed utterly unaffected.

She had already expended too much energy to show any emotion.

More than anything, Clifford’s appearance had frozen her heart like ice water.

He had shown her directly what happens when you let your guard down in a moment of irrationality—when you lose your mind over something unsettled.

“…Selly.”

Benelucia faltered, rare for him.

Of course. No matter how shameless he was, it would still be strange to abandon her during the day and then act like nothing had happened at night.

“About earlier, I was wrong. So…”

But Senelia could barely hear his words.

Clifford’s request that she bear his child coiled around her throat like a snake.

That cold, sickening sensation refused to go away.

What Clifford wanted was for Benelucia to choose Senelia over Lucalina.

She had to make that happen.

“No, Your Grace. There’s no need for you to apologize.”

This was a gamble.

But she was desperate.

Empress? She’d rather strangle herself than become something like that.

The problem was that Clifford wouldn’t let everything end with her death.

If she ever tried to break free on her own, he would destroy everything she loved.

So the one who had to cut the leash Clifford put on her neck… was Benelucia.

As always, the only salvation came from him—unfortunately.

“I was simply mistaken and overestimated myself.”

She deliberately lowered her gaze.

If what Benelucia truly longed for was her love, then she had vowed never to give him that.

She now believed she had been right.

Just look.

When Senelia slipped out of his grasp, he clung to her.

But the moment he had her again, he ran to Lucalina.

And now that it seemed she might slip away again, he came running back.

So what should she do?

“I don’t think I’m a suitable candidate to be your wife, Your Grace.”

“…Selly.”

Senelia clenched her skirt tightly.

Benelucia stood, trying to approach her.

This was the second time she was breaking up with him.

Would he still try to hold on to her after being treated like this twice?

Senelia suddenly felt afraid.

But she couldn’t take her words back. And she would never, ever let herself wither away beside Clifford for the rest of her life.

That was a fate worse than death.

“Selly, I won’t let something like that happen again…”

“No, Your Grace.”

He reached out to grasp her hand on the table.

But she shook her head and firmly pulled away.

This sort of thing would happen again and again.

Senelia believed it.

He was the male lead, and Lucalina was the female lead.

She had never expected to be Benelucia’s number one.

So long ago, she decided she would become his unquenchable thirst instead.

Just like someone stumbling through a desert lunging at the sight of an oasis, blind to anything else around them.

If she could do that—then it wouldn’t matter who his true love was.

She should’ve always done that.

“I… can’t endure being with you anymore, Your Grace.”

Senelia had given up hoping for or clinging to his love.

What she would cling to from now on was solely his desire.

The insatiable greed of Benelucia Afron, who always had to have everything.

As she watched him walk away before, Senelia realized—she could never win against Lucalina’s love.

If Lucalina was his love, then Senelia had to be something else.

So she chose to become his desire.

In most novels, love always wins.

But Senelia wished to be the first person whose desire could defeat love.

“You’re… breaking up with me again?”

Benelucia asked in a trembling voice, as if he couldn’t believe it.

Of course.

When had anyone ever rejected him—twice?

Even the heroine, Lucalina, had loved him from the start.

Senelia was the first absence in his life.

And absence always breeds the desire to fill it.

“Your Grace, that’s a strange thing to say.”

Senelia gave a soft smile.

Unlike the shocked Benelucia, she looked completely at ease.

Now that she knew there was no other way out of Clifford’s grasp, even fear seemed pointless.

“There’s no such thing as a breakup between us, is there?”

She wasn’t afraid anymore.

Her heart was settling into a cold, calm place.

“…Are you saying… we were never anything?”

Benelucia gritted his teeth as he asked.

Senelia blinked.

Her last words weren’t meant to mock him or hurt his feelings.

“If what I said upset you, I’m sorry. I just…”

She hesitated for a moment.

But only one thing came to mind.

“I just always thought that, like today, when she returns to your side… that would be the time for me to leave mine.”

There was always someone meant to sit at Benelucia’s side.

And Senelia had only ever been occupying someone else’s seat.

How could such a relationship even be defined?

Such a relationship didn’t need a breakup.

Senelia truly believed that.

A heavy silence settled between them.

Contrary to her expectations, Benelucia didn’t get angry or wounded hearing she would leave again.

He remained silent for a long while.

And then finally, he asked:

“Selly… do you not love me anymore?”