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Chapter : 28
Derailmen
The two of them were alike. That was why they were drawn to each other.
Both had lost something. Both had endured a devastating sense of loss.
And now, the two of them stood together.
“Keep your steps neat.”
So there would be no opening.
“Light, yet heavy.”
Those steps had already been taken.
Her field of vision widened. Everything came into view. Sharlophe crushed white petals beneath her feet.
With every step forward, she moved that much farther away from the abandoned past.
The procession continued along the virgin road. Many gazes clung to them, and many words followed behind.
“Did you expect this marriage?”
“Who could have expected it? Back then, we were barely holding on ourselves. To think that within just a few years all of those people would be dead….”
Sharlophe let such talk wash past her.
The former emperor had died, and a young emperor had inherited the throne.
There were stories that the son had killed the aged former emperor,
and rumors that the crown prince had visited shortly before the former emperor’s death.
The truth was buried somewhere far away.
Sharlophe quietly lowered her veil. She hid her face behind it and cast her eyes down.
“…They really are two people who resemble each other uncannily.”
“Is there anywhere you feel unwell?”
The head maid whispered gently.
“This is a ceremonial question asked before consummation, so please answer comfortably.”
“I’m fine.”
“We will assist you with your bath.”
The maids bowed deeply.
“Bring the scented oil.”
They lowered Sharlophe into the bath and gently poured water over her.
They mixed generous amounts of fragrant oil into the hot water. The faint floral scent spreading through the air eased her tension.
“We will assist Her Majesty the Empress with her preparations.”
After the bath, she changed into a night robe. The hands dressing her in white were careful.
She slipped her arms into the sleeves as they guided her, and a ribbon was tied around her waist.
Her dark crimson hair was loosened and brushed down past her hips, and they smoothed the robe so it wouldn’t be disheveled.
“We will lower the canopy.”
The maids finished their duties and withdrew.
Sharlophe rubbed her shoulder and leaned against one side of the bed.
The bed was concealed by the canopy; beyond it, only hazy afterimages could be seen.
On the bedside table, the maids had set out wine and fruit.
Soon, the bedroom door opened.
Heavy footsteps echoed. Sharlophe followed the sound with her gaze.
Step by step. Closer and closer. He came to a stop.
“The former emperor trampled all over palace protocol, so it just made everything unnecessarily troublesome.”
Benjamin lifted the canopy.
“Have you been waiting long?”
Benjamin wore only a gown. A single cord was tied around his waist, and the loosely draped fabric looked almost careless.
Every time he moved, the waist tie seemed as though it might come undone at any moment.
His wet hair, heavy with moisture, hung low. Right now, he looked like a languid beast stretching awake.
“You don’t look tense at all.”
When she brushed her fingers against his cheek, Benjamin laughed softly. The way he lightly tapped the bridge of her nose was playful.
“Do you know what we’re about to do?”
“Yes. I do.”
“Lying isn’t proper. You have the face of someone who doesn’t know at all what a married couple does.”
His shadow loomed as though it could swallow everything. It felt dizzying, as if she were being consumed. Simply by existing, there was something chilly about him.
“Shall we hold hands?”
Benjamin extended his hand.
“Come here.”
He clasped Sharlophe’s hand and laid her down.
As Sharlophe wriggled her fingertips, his gaze caught the small, restless motion.
“I thought you didn’t know what a married couple was, but it seems you do, Sharl.”
“We learn it together during etiquette lessons.”
“What did you learn?”
“…Stop teasing me.”
Sharlophe pulled the blanket up to cover herself.
When his gaze followed, she felt oddly uncomfortable.
Even in her previous life, she had been pushed into marriage by her father—but that was all.
They had never held hands, never lain in the same bed.
Sharlophe had been an object, nothing more than a product sold for a price by the Tutier family.
This is…
When Sharlophe avoided his eyes, a shadow fell over her head.
As if urging her to stop looking away.
Benjamin smelled of dry grass at dawn.
The bitterness of winter-bare trees, of firewood burning in a hearth.
“If you’re uncomfortable, tell me.”
Those scents clung to Benjamin.
“No. It’s not uncomfortable, but…”
Sharlophe drew in a deep breath. He seeped deep into her lungs.
This is harmful. From the tips of her toes to the crown of her head, everything was telling her so.
Her toes curled.
She seemed to shrink, unable to adapt to this unfamiliar current.
Benjamin bent down close, pressing near to Sharlophe.
He scanned her from head to toe. His short hair tickled her cheek.
“You’re frozen.”
His breath brushed her earlobe and scattered.
“Wait a moment…”
It was when Sharlophe placed her hand on his shoulder.
“I used to think it was just my imagination, but now I know it’s not.”
Sharlophe froze with her hands outstretched. A crack appeared in her otherwise blank expression. Her dark crimson hair looked more black than red, and her complexion was pale and white—though she didn’t look sick.
“Your eyes are looking somewhere far away…”
At an extremely distant place.
“Like someone who’s about to die.”
“……”
“You’re slowly drying up.”
Sharlophe avoided his eyes.
“And now you’re avoiding mine.”
He narrowed the distance until it was impossible to flee.
“That expression of yours—like you’re already dead—can’t be explained. We’re similar, but we’re different. Do you know what’s different? You look like someone who’s actually died once. Not someone who’s about to die, but someone who died once and is standing here alone.”
Her head grew foggy. The world fell silent. A distant scream echoed—a soundless scream. It was the thread connecting her past life and this one.
“You’re lonely and desolate. Silent and precarious. The way you stand before a grave… it’s unbearably bleak, like someone who already let go of the thread of life. You’re used to swallowing pain without even screaming once. And… there’s an expression you only see in front of a grave.”
Mourning for the dead.
It wasn’t mourning meant only for her birth mother. It was like mourning for herself.
“…You don’t even give me time to run before interrogating me.”
Sharlophe avoided his eyes again.
“Until then, I left room for you to run. You were the one who closed that distance, Sharlophe.”
Benjamin bent down and whispered.
“Don’t avoid me, Sharl. Avoiding my eyes here is the same as offering up your own nape. You mustn’t show your nape to anyone. You’re not my prey. So cover up the places that could become your weakness.”
Benjamin whispered words that were hard to understand.
“Is it difficult?”
“……”
“I meant you shouldn’t casually reveal weaknesses in the palace.”
Even if you often show your unguarded self, you can’t do that in the imperial palace.
“If you show a weakness, the first one to dig into it will be me.”
Benjamin laced his fingers through Sharlophe’s.
“And when I dig in, it might become exhausting for you.”
Sharlophe let the strength drain from her body. Her breath trembled.
“If you’re going to hide it, hide it thoroughly—so I won’t have to dig into it myself.”
At first, she had left the Tutier family simply to avoid a meaningless death.
Leaving had been impulsive, too.
She clung to life because she regretted a past where she’d died without being able to do anything, and she wanted only to avoid such a future.
Ah. I thought I had no regrets, but I do.
She had wanted them to feel guilt over her mother’s death.
I didn’t want my mother’s death to remain a worthless death.
She hoped they would carry even the faintest guilt toward her.
“You seem like you have no regrets in this life, yet it also feels like you still do. You’re difficult, Sharl.”
Sharlophe swallowed hard. She couldn’t show her vulnerable spot here.
“I want my life to be peaceful too. It would be a lie to say I have no regrets. Right now, I have many things I didn’t have before.”
To others, it might seem insignificant—but to her past self, it was a realm she had never been allowed to enter.
I’m hurting too.
She swallowed those words so he wouldn’t hear them.
“That I chose you…”
“Mm.”
“…It feels like it may have become a shackle.”
Sharlophe barely steadied her trembling breath.
“Your breathing is getting faster.”
Benjamin covered Sharlophe’s mouth. His thick hand pressed over her lips as he bent down.
“Hold your breath for just a moment.”
“……”
“Now slowly let it out.”
Sharlophe clenched her fist.
“Relax your hand. It looks like you’re about to strike.”
Only then did Sharlophe loosen her grip. Gradually, the tension left her body.
“We’ll postpone consummation.”
“……”
“Right now, taking you would feel like ruining you.”
Benjamin felt an inexplicable premonition.
“I don’t want to ruin you, Sharl.”
Sharlophe woke from sleep. The dawn sun was slowly rising. Had she woken too early?
As she hid beneath the covers, her dark crimson hair tangled.
Annoying.
It was too long. As she swept it back and sat up, the ends spilled down heavily.
She brushed aside the hair obscuring her vision and lifted her head—only to meet a gaze.
“You’re awake?”
Her vision was still hazy with sleep.
“It’s dawn. You can sleep more.”
“There’s a lot of presence waiting outside. Etiquette is cumbersome, but it’s inseparable from the imperial palace.”
Benjamin nodded as if he understood and drew a dagger. He lightly cut the back of his arm, then put the dagger away.
“If the bed is clean, there will be many stories afterward. And palms are too noticeable.”
Benjamin gently stroked Sharlophe’s hair.
“The Windsor family will be visiting this afternoon, so we’ll see each other later.”
Sharlophe remained sitting there alone.
Until the drowsiness faded somewhat.
She lifted her head and pulled the bell cord.
—Click.
The bedroom door opened.
“Your Majesty. It’s Becky. I will enter.”
Sharlophe only turned her eyes to look down at Becky—the girl who had followed her from the Windsor family for the state marriage.
“Did you rest well?”
“Yes. The weather is nice.”
Sharlophe entrusted her body to Becky and was dressed.
White lace was layered from her shoulders to her waist, embroidered with pale and red roses.
The shoulders were bare, and the skirt flared richly below the waist. The maids added ribbons to a deep green dress, creating an atmosphere that was elegant yet weighty.
“The palace’s discipline had greatly collapsed during the recent turmoil. It’s a great honor to finally serve Her Majesty the Empress.”
Sharlophe let the whispered words beside her pass by unheard.
“You should come outside. Outside there…”
And the words that followed were not something she could ignore.
