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Chapter 9
Illyna, overwhelmed with emotion, forgot she was standing before the Grand Duchess and poured out everything she had kept bottled up inside.
“There aren’t any dresses larger than this from Tashio Dress Shop. Everyone made their debut wearing Tashio dresses… but I couldn’t because I’d gained weight. And then, during my debut, I ate cake even though I was fat…”
“Who said you were ugly?”
“…They did. They said that for a country noble, I had no shame, stuffing my face at a debut…”
No matter how mature her makeup and clothes made her look, Illyna was still just a girl who had only recently turned fifteen.
It was the age when the opinions of others felt more frightening than anything else.
Every night, she gagged because of the corset tightening around her waist. Her ankles throbbed after walking only a short distance in high heels.
Even so, she desperately struggled to erase the memories of her debut.
As she spoke, as though vomiting out everything she had endured, Illyna lowered her head in embarrassment.
She knew how childish her words sounded.
Just because she’d overheard people gossiping about her once, she’d ended up making such a disgraceful mistake at the Duke’s banquet. She felt incredibly foolish.
But Wilhelmina did not dismiss her.
Instead, with a serious expression, she simply said,
“That must have been painful.”
“I…”
Wilhelmina was the first person who had ever empathized with her worries.
She didn’t dismiss them as the complaints of an immature child.
With tears welling in her eyes, Illyna looked up at Wilhelmina.
“So that’s why you didn’t want to drink the milk?”
“…Yes. If you’re hungry and just eat things like this… it’s ugly.”
“It’s not ugly.”
Wilhelmina picked up the teapot.
She poured the still-warm milk into Illyna’s teacup until it was full.
“There’s nothing strange or ugly about it. Is eating food really such a terrible thing?”
“But everyone else…”
“There’s only you and me here.”
Wilhelmina stood up, carrying the teacup with her, and walked over to Illyna.
Then she gently placed the warm cup into her hands.
Wilhelmina’s hands were just as warm as the teacup.
“And no one outside will ever know what we talked about here.”
“Grand Duchess…”
Wilhelmina took out a handkerchief and gently wiped away the tears streaming down Illyna’s cheeks.
Unlike the elegant one she’d used to cover her mouth in the banquet hall, this was a plain handkerchief with a simple embroidered pattern.
“I don’t think you’re ugly.”
“So you shouldn’t think you’re ugly either.”
“…”
“It’s okay. You can drink it.”
“It’ll be our little secret.”
Slowly, Illyna brought the teacup to her lips.
It was warm.
It was sweet.
Not because of the milk—
But because of Wilhelmina, who kept telling her over and over that it was okay while gently wiping away her tears.
I never imagined that I’d end up playing the role of a teacher even after being reborn.
At first, I’d only intended to comfort her a little.
But after hearing what she’d gone through, I couldn’t just ignore it.
Peer relationships… they’re difficult.
The relationships you have during adolescence carry a different kind of weight than the relationships adults have.
It’s not that one is harder than the other.
They’re simply different kinds of pain.
Sometimes friends are even scarier than parents.
Some people gradually forget those experiences as they grow up.
Others carry the wounds left by childhood friends for the rest of their lives.
Teaching children had taught me one thing over and over again.
Children could be astonishingly cruel.
Innocence… what a rotten word.
Pure malice.
Hatred without reason.
Cruel gossip without the slightest guilt.
What seemed like a brief quarrel to one child could become a lifelong nightmare for another.
From experience, I knew that digging recklessly into the heart of a child carrying those kinds of scars rarely helped.
After all, I was an adult.
I wasn’t someone who could change the community that child had to continue living in.
If I tried to give advice beyond my place, all I’d hear was,
“You don’t understand anything, Teacher.”
So instead, I chose to express my own opinion.
I don’t think the way they do.
I don’t think you did anything wrong.
Sometimes, honest words were more effective than shallow sympathy.
What wounded children like Illyna needed wasn’t another teacher to lecture them.
They needed someone who would stand on their side.
“Um… I should be going now.”
“All right.”
The bell announcing midnight rang through the estate.
Before I realized it, the banquet was coming to an end.
There would still be a smaller gathering afterward, attended only by the Duke’s family, the Margrave, and a handful of guests—
Something like the “second round of drinks” back in Korea.
But that had nothing to do with Illyna’s family.
In the end, I wasn’t able to keep my promise to return to the banquet hall later.
I’m probably going to get scolded.
I’d disappeared almost as soon as the banquet began.
No one would find it strange if someone complained about it.
…Especially my daughter-in-law.
After washing away the traces of her tears, Illyna’s makeup had disappeared.
Without it, she looked like the young girl she really was, with a few faint acne marks still visible on her cheeks.
She changed back into her clothes with a slightly pained expression.
Incidentally, after drinking all that milk, her original dress wouldn’t fit anymore.
So I’d lent her one of mine.
Since we’re at it, she drank her milk so well. I should send her some things later.
Honey… and some herbs that are easy on the stomach…
While I packed her belongings, Illyna hesitantly asked,
“May I come again? Not for another banquet… I mean… just for a personal visit?”
“…”
It wasn’t an easy request to agree to.
I wasn’t even sure whether I had the authority to invite guests.
And politically, it wasn’t exactly a good look.
The rumors about me had probably spread throughout noble society already.
I didn’t want an innocent child getting caught up in them.
Then instead of inviting her privately… I’ll create another reason.
No need to overthink it.
“I don’t know when exactly, but I’m planning to hold a regular book club.”
The book club had been Lady Rollan Viscountess’s suggestion after learning how little I knew about noble society.
I remembered the viscountess who’d become friendly with me over ginger tea and had offered all sorts of advice.
“There are all kinds of social gatherings in noble society. Ladies from prestigious families usually host at least one. I think Your Grace should establish one as well. For example… a book club or perhaps a tea gathering.”
“I’m not particularly fond of reading.”
“I’m not telling you to read books. The gathering simply needs a reason to exist.”
“So… you’re saying I should make friends?”
“I’m saying you need to build allies.”
The expression Lady Rollan Viscountess wore when she said that had been frightening enough that I’d instinctively looked away.
Noble society was still a place where people lived.
Which meant it was a battlefield mired in mud.
“Gasp… Does that mean you’ll invite me to your book club?”
“Yes.”
Expecting a child like Illyna to shoulder the responsibility of being the former Grand Duchess’s ally might be asking too much.
But if she truly wanted to see me again, this was the only way.
I thought she might dislike the idea.
Instead, Illyna looked absolutely thrilled.
“It’s an honor! I’ll be the very first participant in the Grand Duchess’s book club!”
I hadn’t actually said she’d be the first participant.
Then again, considering I had no friends, she wasn’t exactly wrong.
Illyna repeatedly thanked me with flushed excitement.
I worried she might get dizzy again, so I lightly scolded her to calm down.
“You should go now.”
“Yes!”
“…And explain everything properly to your father. If you tell him I insisted, he’ll understand.”
Anyone skilled in politics would probably welcome the chance to owe the Duke’s household a favor.
Rather than struggling to earn the goodwill of a Margrave who was difficult even to meet, receiving an apology from the Duke’s family, one of the greatest landowners in the kingdom, would surely be the better outcome.
At my words, Illyna shook her head vigorously.
“No. Your Grace helped me. I’ll tell Father the truth.”
“All right… if you insist.”
What truth was there, really?
I’d only taken care of a girl who looked ready to throw up and given her a few cups of milk.
I couldn’t understand why she declared it so solemnly.
Leaving my questions unanswered, we parted ways.
Right outside the banquet hall, the Viscount was searching anxiously for Illyna.
He didn’t seem to be a bad father.
His face was filled with worry.
When Illyna approached, he looked as though he was about to scold her, but instead let out a sigh of relief before carefully helping her into the carriage.
Even a father like that still stood by while his daughter made herself sick.
Family affection in this world is difficult to understand.
Not that it’s any of my business.
I didn’t particularly want to speak with the Viscount, so I quietly slipped back toward the banquet hall.
The servants were already busy cleaning everything up.
“You there, young man.”
“Ah! Yes, Your Grace!”
I beckoned to a boy who looked like a page.
He hurried over and stopped before me.
“Where is the Duke?”
“The Master? He went to the inner courtyard just now. He’s sharing drinks with a few guests there.”
So the second round was being held in the Duke’s garden.
Nobles drinking beneath the moonlight.
How peaceful.
I should at least greet the Margrave.
Since I knew he was still here, it felt wrong to leave without saying hello.
Reluctantly, I decided I should at least show my face and slowly started walking toward the inner courtyard.
Or rather…
If I’d known this would happen, I never would have dismissed my attendants.
