IDNJH 03

Chapter 03

*’It’s because I’m lacking.’*

I even used to berate myself like that.

When I got older and the two siblings’ bullying stopped, I mistook their indifference for improvement and saw hope in our relationship.

That’s how I was back then.

It was also during this first round that my wretched relationship with the system window began.

The day in question was one week before my 20th birthday—and also one week before the Duchess’s death anniversary.

At the time, I used to spend the week before and after my birthday each year at the Marquess Chascade’s estate—the parents of the Duchess.

It had become a sort of tradition since I was about five, at the recommendation of my grandmother, Obria Chascade.

It was the first proposal that Obria Chascade had ever extended to me, but I also accepted because the atmosphere at the Duke’s estate during that period was so stifling that I felt twice as self-conscious. Obria Chascade must have been aware of that atmosphere when she made the suggestion.

The Chascade couple didn’t exactly welcome me warmly, but it was still more bearable than staying at the Duke’s estate during that time.

For that reason, on that day too, I was on my way to the Marquess’s estate early in the morning by carriage.

But somehow—whether the coachman dozed off or got distracted—an accident occurred while passing along a steep, narrow mountain road.

“Neighhh!”

“Aaah!”

The horse’s cry, the coachman’s scream, and a loud *thud* as if hitting something—the carriage shook violently.

Before I could even register that something was wrong, the carriage tumbled down the slope and flipped over.

Instinctively, my body was thrown sideways, and I slammed my head hard against the carriage wall. My fragile brain couldn’t withstand the impact and shut down.

After a brief moment of unconsciousness, I came to and saw the wrecked interior of the carriage.

“Ugh……”

A heavy weight and unbearable pain pressed down on my lower body. My ankle was completely twisted and pinned beneath the broken debris.

To make matters worse, a acrid smell and intense heat filled the air. The carriage must have rolled and broken the lamp inside, causing it to catch fire.

The coachman had vanished without a trace. No matter how much of a burden I was within the household, I was still a noble—a duke’s daughter. He must have realized he couldn’t handle the aftermath and fled, sensing his life was about to go downhill.

But I had no time to resent him.

Getting out of the carriage before the fire grew larger was my priority.

“Ugh……!”

Gritting my teeth, I braced my hands on the floor and struggled to pull my lower body free, but the debris wouldn’t budge.

Even using all my strength only resulted in my fingernails bending back and the pain in my ankle intensifying.

*’I can’t get out……’*

A helplessness far greater than anything I’d ever felt in my life washed over me, along with the scorching heat of the flames.

A maddening terror began to creep in.

The heat was becoming unbearably intense.

“So—someone, please……”

I prayed that someone would miraculously find me and save me.

Ridiculously, even though not a single miracle had ever happened in my life, I still prayed for one.

In the midst of it all, I foolishly longed to see my family.

Then the flames surged, catching the hem of my dress.

“Hah……!”

The fire fed on the fabric of my dress and rose higher, engulfing me.

Pain I had never experienced before spread through my entire body.

The wish for someone to save me, the longing for my family, the panic—all of it was swallowed up somewhere.

In that moment, I think the only thought filling my mind was this:

I don’t want to die like this.

My vision grew dim.

I couldn’t breathe. Sweat poured down like rain. Tears I hadn’t shed since early childhood streamed down my cheeks and fell to the floor without pause. I don’t know if I was screaming. I think I kept muttering something, but I don’t remember clearly.

All I vaguely recall is that I desperately wanted to live.

“Agh……”

My consciousness flickered, and my eyes slowly began to close.

I instinctively felt that if I closed my eyes now, I would never open them again.

My eyelids felt as heavy as if they weighed several tons, but I summoned every last ounce of strength to force them open.

I wanted to escape this pain quickly, but my will to live burned even stronger.

That’s when it happened.

“……!”

A translucent yellow window suddenly appeared before my eyes.

—

**[Would you like to go back?]**

—

I don’t know what came over me. I think I nodded without even having a moment to process the situation.

Because when I opened my eyes, I was back ten years ago—on a certain day in August.

Along with the memories of having lived as a citizen of 21st-century South Korea, a high school senior preparing for the college entrance exam.

—

*Ding!*

—

**[Synchronization]**

0/100

Goal Success: Restoration of Time

Goal Failure: Return to the Beginning

—

*Ding!*

—

**[Raise your family’s affection to 10]**

If affection drops to -30, it will be automatically considered a failure.

Kallion Barderia: 0/10

Gwyneth Barderia: -23/10

Felix Barderia: -11/10

Kairos Barderia: 1/10

Goal Success: Reward – ‘5ml of Memory-Stirring Perfume’

Goal Failure: Death

—

Along with the same game system window I’d seen just before dying—the one that would torment me relentlessly for a long time to come.

—

* * *

I wondered if I’d gone crazy.

Because otherwise, none of this made any sense.

A novel? A game? A webtoon? Possession… no, not quite. I wouldn’t call it reincarnation either, since I had no memory of experiencing death.

My last memory was just like any other day—going to school, skipping evening study hall to eat tteokbokki with friends, holding a tanghulu in my hand, and arriving home safely.

On top of all that, the quest written on the system window floating in the air made my head feel overloaded, far beyond just confusion.

Dying and coming back to life in a single day was hard enough to believe, but on top of that, I’d regained something like past-life memories and was given bizarre quests.

*’What on earth is this……. What is it……!’*

My head ached and I felt like throwing up.

Even though the flames that had consumed me were gone, a phantom burning sensation lingered all over my body for a long time.

I simply couldn’t accept this surreal situation.

I pretended not to see the quest window and holed up in my room for months.

During those months of living like a shut-in, I died three more times as my family’s affection dropped to -30.

Those people hated it when I caught their attention, but they also found it pathetic that I stayed locked in my room. They wanted me to stay quiet but at least pull my own weight.

And so, within a few months, I had the rare experience of dying and coming back to life four times.

By the fifth round, I had more or less accepted reality.

Of course, my thoughts weren’t completely organized back then either, but I couldn’t keep doing this infinite loop of dying and coming back, so I tried to live by completing the quests.

I had no idea what that ‘Synchronization’ quest meant, but I figured if I just did something, the numbers would go up and I’d eventually get a feel for it.

But after dying five more times, I realized something the moment I opened my eyes in the 11th round.

“……I have to go home. By any means necessary.”

I absolutely could not keep living in this godforsaken place.

If I had to list the reasons, there were plenty.

First, this world’s class system.

I could understand employer-employee relationships being tied to money, but from the very first round to now, I couldn’t help but frown at the sight of nobles—extreme classists at that—mercilessly beating people just for brushing past them.

The slavery system, the epitome of inhumanity, made me sick just thinking about it.

And on top of that, as a citizen of the Republic of Korea—where even a wild boar appearing in a restaurant would send people screaming “What’s going on!”, flipping tables, and running for their lives—this world, where ferocious monsters twice the size of wild boars roamed around, was the number one express ticket out of this life.

And that wasn’t all. I couldn’t laugh, cry, or get angry freely. Expressing emotions openly was considered disgraceful for a noble. Freedom of expression? There was no such thing.

And what about the not-so-small-scale incidents and accidents that broke out in the country from time to time?

Back when I lived in South Korea, I’d occasionally thought it would be nice if some dopamine-spiking event happened, but I’d never wished for this level of over-stimulation.

And to top it all off—a family so toxic that even Dr. Oh Eun-young would throw up her hands and refuse to rehabilitate them!

It was infuriating enough that I, a person who had been living well with my family in Korea, was thrown into this world—and only realized it after dying once. But the fact that the people I had to live with were all such trash was the most bitterly frustrating part of all.

Every human being wants to be loved and to love in return. But this damned world never allowed love in my life.