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chapter 21
Noah was angry.
‘Was my condition really that difficult?’
The hands that nearly reached out to grab the collar of the man before her were trembling with fury.
She was angry—and hurt.
“…My condition.”
And she was sad.
“Did it sound ridiculous to you?”
She had promised herself to remain calm, but Noah’s voice rose unconsciously. The nearby special forces members flinched in shock.
At that moment, Ami and Honess quickly stood up.
“Was it that difficult?”
“Captain Velo.”
“And so you treat it like this—!”
“Noah!”
Ami hastily cut in.
“…Captain Velo, sir.”
She quickly corrected her tone to a formal one and gestured toward the beach.
“There are too many eyes watching.”
The military police had not yet dispersed.
Noticing the unusual atmosphere, they too began glancing in this direction.
“Please, go back to headquarters and talk there.”
“We’ll handle the captain’s personal ship.”
“We’ll follow later.”
The special forces tactfully gave the two some space.
But their thoughtfulness was wasted—the air between Noah and Reto only grew heavier and more suffocating.
Even breathing felt awkward.
The two said nothing as they rode the military vehicle back to the headquarters’ command office.
“…First of all.”
It was Reto who broke the silence.
“Captain Velo.”
As a superior officer, he said what needed to be said first.
“Where did you learn the insolence of acting without your superior’s orders?”
“I apologize.”
“Did you think I’d live to see the day I’d have to explain to an active soldier—not a cadet brat—that unauthorized use of weapons is grounds for court-martial?”
“I’ll accept the punishment according to procedure.”
Noah admitted her fault quietly, but without a shred of remorse.
“……”
Seeing her attitude, Reto opened his mouth as if to say something more—but only his lips moved before he exhaled a weary sigh.
“…Are you hurt anywhere?”
“I’m fine.”
“Make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
“I’ll be careful.”
“Good.”
And with that, the conversation between superior and subordinate ended.
“……”
“……”
Now came the moment to strip away rank and speak as themselves.
They had something that had to be said.
But neither of them spoke.
In truth, both knew who should speak first.
“……”
Noah’s clasped fingers fidgeted restlessly.
“…I know you’re angry.”
At last, Reto spoke, but his voice was completely different from before.
“But I don’t think I’m sorry.”
He sounded small, subdued, like a child frightened and cautious of being scolded.
“Why aren’t you sorry?”
And yet, what came out of his mouth was that nonsense.
Suppressing her anger, Noah asked.
“Because I could handle it quietly.”
“Why did you want to handle it quietly?”
“Because it was about rooting out an internal traitor. If word spread unnecessarily, it could leak and make us look weak to other nations.”
“……”
“Not only that, but the navy’s prestige and discipline—”
Bang!
The innocent colonel Ice’s wooden desk now bore a large dent.
“Reto Oceanus.”
Noah pulled her fist away from the desk, her voice rough with rage.
“You know that’s not what I asked, don’t you?”
Reto fell silent.
His silence only fanned Noah’s fury, and she clenched her fist again.
But this time, instead of striking, she forced her hand open and dragged it across her face.
“One last question.”
Her uncovered face was blazing with anger.
“Tell me why you didn’t involve me in this.”
“……”
“Too hard? Then I’ll make it easier. When are you going to tell me you love me?”
“……”
“I won’t ask twice.”
“……”
The cycle of questions and silence repeated meaninglessly.
“…Fine. That’s enough.”
Noah no longer waited for an answer.
“Your silence is your answer, isn’t it?”
Her blue eyes, glaring at Reto, flickered. The man who witnessed that felt his heart plummet.
“Noah.”
Reto quickly reached out.
“It’s not like that—”
“If it’s not like that!”
But Noah harshly knocked his hand away.
It was Reto’s hand that was rejected, but it was Noah who felt most wretched.
“Just say something!”
Back then, and even now—
All Noah ever wanted from Reto was one thing.
“Anything at all—just tell me what you’re thinking!”
Her scream, nearly a wail, pounded against the walls.
“Were you happy being with me? Did you enjoy it? Did you have no complaints? Then why did you suddenly distance yourself and grow cold?”
Looking back, it had always been like this.
“Want to grab dinner this weekend?”
“…Are you asking me, Commander?”
“Who else would I be asking?”
“You really do speak sweetly.”
“Only because the lieutenant in front of me is so lovely.”
“You’re insane…”
It had been wrong from the very beginning.
And yet, Noah naturally fell in love with Reto.
She wanted him to feel the same.
And though he treated her with kindness, as if he couldn’t live without her—
He never voiced his true feelings.
“You should’ve just used me and tossed me aside!”
At least then she could’ve let go without regret.
Instead, he left her clinging to useless hope, tearing her apart inside.
“If you had, then I…!”
Even now, Noah shouted at the wall that stood between them.
But no matter how she pounded it, the person on the other side gave no reply.
Of course not.
Reto wasn’t behind the wall—he was the wall itself.
And Noah no longer had the strength to face it.
“I…”
A sob slipped from her crushed lips.
Reto, watching her, twisted his expression like a child abandoned.
“…I let myself be a fool for you.”
I lost the bet on purpose, just to accept that stupid proposal.
“But why do you…”
Why are you still afraid?
Why am I still clinging to you?
“……”
Exhausted, Noah lowered her head.
At the same time, Reto’s crimson eyes sank into despair and dread.
His gaze wavered, desperately searching for the Noah who no longer looked at him.
“I’m tired.”
But Noah no longer had the will to notice.
“Don’t you think I look pathetic, begging like this?”
“……”
“And again, you say nothing.”
“…Noah.”
Reto called her name, his voice strained.
“I, I mean…”
At last, his frightened voice gained clarity.
For a moment, Noah thought—maybe she would finally hear his true heart.
That was why she had stayed by his side, swallowing her pride all this time.
“Enough.”
But now, none of it mattered.
Not anymore.
“Noah.”
A large hand cupped her tear-streaked cheek.
It gently lifted her face.
Her wet blue eyes looked ready to spill over again, but they held only a desolate coldness, like the lightless depths of the ocean where no life could survive.
Those eyes refused to see Reto.
And that terrified him even more.
“……”
But the coward said nothing.
This time, it wasn’t deception or misjudgment. He simply knew his place—and kept his mouth shut.
Because she had refused to hear, he no longer had the right to speak.
“Commander.”
Noah took a step back, forcing his hand to fall away.
“I’ll be going now.”
Her face, stripped even of anger, looked chillingly lifeless.
“…Shall I drive you home?”
Reto asked. His voice, heavy with grief, sounded like he might have been the one crying.
“No need.”
“……”
“There’s nothing between us, after all.”
With that, Noah turned away.
When she opened the door, the special forces members who had been eavesdropping scrambled to retreat.
Some were leaning against the wall pretending to stand guard, others dropped into planks as self-imposed punishment.
“Ami.”
Noah called out to one of them.
“Drive me home.”
“Uh? Ah, yes, of course…”
That day, Noah rode Ami’s car home.
And the next day, she didn’t come to work.
“This is the report from the military police.”
Early the next morning, Lieutenant Colonel Ice entered the commander’s office and looked down at Reto sprawled on the sofa.
He was still wearing the same rumpled uniform from yesterday, fast asleep.
With one arm draped over his eyes, only his mouth was visible.
Unbothered, Ice continued his report.
“We secured evidence that Major General Flanci’s mansion was funding illegal private loans.”
“……”
“The funds have already crossed into the Empire. They say they’re tracking it now.”
Finishing his brief report, Ice waited for his superior’s response.
“……”
But only cold silence answered.
As expected, Ice didn’t mind.
“General.”
Still, he couldn’t leave it alone.
Not for the sake of the miserable soldiers outside, suffocated by the atmosphere.
And not for the sake of his superior—who, for once, actually stirred his sympathy.
Ice asked,
“With all due respect, may I speak frankly?”
“What, going to say I deserved to be dumped?”
At last, Reto reacted.
The arm covering his face slid down.
“…Did you cry?”
“Stayed up all night.”
Reto rubbed roughly at his red eyes with his fingers.
Oh, boy.
The sharp tension in the room made Ice catch his breath.
“So.”
“…Sir?”
“What were you going to say?”
“Ah…”
Ice took a short, deep breath.
“General.”
Then he said,
“Captain Velo is not your mother.”
Reto’s eyes wavered.
“If what the two of you said yesterday was true, then the captain had every right to be angry.”
She had given her all to their relationship. It was a sad love, one that made her the loser by choice.
But not Reto.
“To me, it looked like you weren’t in love with her—you were like a child whining to his mother.”
“……”
“If you expect someone to understand you without saying a word, you should’ve ended that habit as an infant.”
As a senior in life, Ice gave his earnest advice.
Then he asked,
“Do you love Captain Velo?”
