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Chapter 35
A premonition that she shouldn’t listen and the curiosity that she wanted to—those two collided violently inside her.
It was like a moth recklessly throwing itself into flames, knowing full well it would get burned yet unable to resist the pull.
And at last, from beyond the door came the hushed whispers of the maids, their voices lowered as much as possible.
“Lady Asella, you know. About a year ago, there was talk of a marriage arrangement between her and our lord. It was broken off back then, but still.”
“No way, then…?”
“Exactly. Isn’t it obvious? They’ve been friends since childhood, I heard. And now, both are of marriageable age.”
“Oh my, that’s wonderful.”
“Wait, then what about Lady El…?”
“Unfortunately, well… no matter how beautiful Lady El is, how could she possibly compete with the only daughter of a count’s house?”
“Poor thing.”
“Poor? Come on. To even be the lord’s mistress would be an honor. That itself is glorious.”
“Mistress? Don’t be ridiculous. Since he’s even given her a title, won’t he just cast Lady El out of the estate altogether?”
“I don’t know… but it’s strange, isn’t it? The clothes Lord gifted Lady El—they don’t match her taste. Don’t they look more like Lady Asella’s preferences?”
“You thought so too? Honestly, from the furniture to the dresses, they’re all pretty similar to what Lady Asella liked.”
“You’re right. Once, I happened to step into Lady El’s lesson, and she was learning about being sweet and endearing in speech.”
“Heavens. That’s exactly like Lady Asella.”
“Right? Honestly, Lady El has always seemed more fitting for a calm, somewhat tragic atmosphere, don’t you think?”
“Exactly. It’s almost like the lord is trying to remake her into Lady Asella….”
“Hey! Don’t say things like that!”
El staggered back, retreating step by step.
Ah. She shouldn’t have listened.
Regret and shock struck her at once, the heavy realization of having heard something she was never meant to.
“H-ha… so that’s how it was….”
She covered her face with both hands, forcing her heavy feet to move forward.
She felt like crying.
No, it was worse than that. The shock was so overwhelming that not even tears would come.
Her mind went blank, and from deep inside her throat escaped a soundless scream.
The lord’s lovely doll.
Call her that, it didn’t matter. She’d lived a life lower than even a worm’s to begin with.
She had said it herself—whatever it was, it was fine. As long as she could remain beside him, her savior and master.
El had never accomplished anything by her own strength. Despair, failure, and helplessness had always followed her like a shadow.
The one who gave her power, who gave her a chance to stand on her own—it was none other than Caron.
But now…
“This hurts… too much.”
El stopped walking and turned her eyes to the arched window. Outside, the view was so peaceful, so beautiful.
But her heart felt as though it was being ripped apart. She pressed her hand tightly against her chest.
“I was presumptuous. That’s why it hurts.”
She had dared to vow to live as his servant, yet in truth, she had committed the sin of harboring him in her heart.
The scoundrel of the Empire. The demon.
What would Caron become if he were to truly love someone?
Would he break every clear boundary he had drawn with that smiling face of his, all for the sake of the woman he loved?
Or would he, unlike his usual playful self, earnestly confess his love?
“So you knew how to love.”
He had a beloved. Such a word felt so unfitting for Caron.
No one would have imagined that he could even comprehend love.
But to El, he was someone who had loved Pheros.
He had staked everything to take responsibility for Pheros, to raise and protect him.
And if such a man wanted to give the title of Duchess of Pheros to another woman… then how wonderful and extraordinary must she be?
El remembered the night when Caron had spoken to her about political marriage.
That was the limit he had allowed her. To serve as political leverage through marriage into another family.
When that happened, she would probably only see Caron at official events. And as a man with a family, she would never be able to harbor feelings for him again.
It was such an obvious, dreadful future.
“How pathetic.”
El muttered hollowly and resumed walking.
Tonight, she would lock herself in her room and do nothing. Absolutely nothing.
She had no heart to face Caron’s gaze.
The moment she returned to her room, El collapsed onto the bed and drifted into sleep, as though some unseen hand was pulling her down into a heavy swamp.
When she next opened her eyes, the sun was already sinking low.
“My lady, I come bearing the lord’s message.”
A servant knocked twice politely before announcing his purpose.
“…Come in.”
El rose unsteadily from her bed, her lips dry and cracked as she murmured.
The servant bowed deeply upon entering and delivered Caron’s words.
“My lady, the lord wishes to dine with you this evening.”
“Ah… I—I have something to do….”
But as if anticipating that excuse, the servant quickly added,
“He said he will wait.”
“…Then I’ll come down once I’ve finished getting ready.”
“Yes, my lady.”
When the servant left, El let out a long sigh.
“My lady, did something happen?”
Ena approached and knelt before her. El sat on the edge of the bed, pressing her hand against her head.
Her dizziness was like that of when she had once gone three days without food, her stomach churning.
“Ena. Tell me honestly.”
“Anything.”
“Do I… have any worth? Why did Lord Caron bring me here?”
“……”
At that, Ena fell completely silent. Her face betrayed hesitation, as if unsure if she should speak.
For Ena to look so shaken—it meant El truly might be sold off to another house.
Even so, clinging to a thread-thin hope, El pressed her weak, fading voice.
“Ena. You promised to tell me the truth.”
“My lady, I really don’t know anything.”
“Ena, I’ve heard the rumors too. So please, just tell me.”
After a long pause, Ena finally spoke with care.
“My lady… what happened? If you tell me, I’ll do everything I can to help.”
El had never seen Ena so cautious before. It meant this was truly something unspeakable.
There were secrets in this mansion. Secrets that only El was left in the dark about.
For instance, that Ena had been tasked with reporting El’s daily life directly to the lord.
“…It just feels like I’m drifting aimlessly, like a ship without a destination. I guess that made me anxious for no reason. Forget it. It was nothing.”
El hurried to soothe Ena.
Though in truth, the one who was shaken, weak, and anxious was none other than El herself.
“Even so, my lady, I can tell you one thing for certain. Don’t be afraid. The lord never abandons someone once he has taken them in.”
“But last time, he looked ready to cut off a vassal’s knee.”
“That was someone he had never accepted.”
Ena’s voice was firm.
Caron Pheros never took people in lightly. But once he did, he never cast them aside—unless they betrayed Pheros first.
It was a well-known truth among the people of the estate.
And in fact, most of the vassals here were ones Caron had not accepted—and they lived in constant enmity, even wishing each other’s deaths.
“In that case, good. At least I won’t have to worry about losing my knees.”
“Don’t say things like that, even as a joke.”
“Oh, Ena.”
“Yes, my lady?”
“I heard a rumor… that a guest will be arriving.”
“…!”
Ena gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. If she hadn’t, a scream might have slipped out.
El’s faint smile deepened.
So it was true, everything the kitchen maids had said.
“I heard you know who that guest is.”
“W-where did you hear that?”
“What, are you planning to punish me for it?”
“N-no… It’s true a guest will be coming. Though the exact date hasn’t been set.”
“And what sort of person are they? Handsome and wonderful, I suppose?”
“T-that…”
Though El’s tone was soft, Ena only felt all the more afraid.
This guest’s arrival could throw the lord’s entire plan into disarray.
And she could not be sure whether El’s position would remain safe.
Should she reveal everything here and warn El? Or should she keep silent and do her utmost to protect her? Ena herself could not decide.
“I could never seem lovable, no matter how hard I tried, could I?”
“My lady, th-that’s not true. El—no, I mean, Lady Asella….”
El suddenly clutched Ena’s hands.
“…What did you just say?”
Ena froze, breath caught in her throat at the desperate light in El’s eyes.
The lady she served would be hurt in the end.
Yet she would have to withstand the dirty, cruel, cutthroat world of noble society.
“…Lady Asella Dellos.”
“No! Before that, what did you say?”
El was certain she had heard it. Before the name “Asella,” Ena had said “El.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Silence fell heavy in the room. Ena scrambled to cover her mistake, but El had already released her hands with a broken smile.
“…I see. You can’t tell me. I’m sorry. I lost my temper. It’s not even my business.”
“My lady! Truly, you are special to the lord! That much I can promise you!”
“Thank you… for the comfort.”
“My lady…”
Ena gazed up at El, her heart aching.
A lovable lady.
A pitiable lady.
(To be continued…)
