FLF 10

10 — Repentance

A shiver crawls over my entire body.

Something cold locks the air in place.

The girl standing behind me—what kind of face is she making right now?
What kind of thoughts is she holding as she asks me that?

I want to turn around.
But I can’t.

The moment I do, I feel like I’ll see something I shouldn’t. Something terrifying.

I regret not turning on the lights for her sake.
If I had, maybe I wouldn’t be feeling this fear right now.

No. That’s just me trying to calm myself down.

Even if the room were bright—flooded with light—I still wouldn’t be able to look at her.

Her voice alone is frightening.
Even her breath brushing my ear is frightening.

“Kuku… Mana? What’s wrong? Was it that good you can’t even put it into words…? Or… did you two do something after that?”

“N-no… that’s not—!”

“Really? Then why don’t you even deny it properly? …Mana?”

“I… we…”

“Because you’re friends?”

“Y-yeah… because I—”

Before I can finish—

She grabs my shoulder.

Hard.

Impossible strength for a girl’s hand.

She yanks me backward.

My body loses balance instantly.

I fall.

Pain shoots through me as I hit the floor, my back slamming into a shelf behind me. I try to push myself up, but my body won’t listen properly.

A shadow falls over me.

I look up.

And immediately regret it.

Is this really my other half?

Her smile looks wrong.

Too sharp.

Her lips curl like a crescent moon—but her eyes aren’t smiling at all.

Fear floods back into me so strongly I can’t even scream.

If I did scream, Mom downstairs would definitely come running.
Maybe even Dad would be home by now.

But I can’t even make a sound.

“Now then… what were you saying?”

“—”

“What’s wrong, Mana?”

She kneels down and gently strokes my cheek.

Her hand is cold.

Empty.

Nothing like what I used to love.

“Are you trembling? Cold? Should I turn on the heater?”

Her fingertip slides over my lips.

“Hey, Mana. Say something.”

And yet—contradicting her words—she forces her finger into my mouth.

I try to push her away, but my hands are held down.

Inside my mouth, her finger moves softly… but with a disturbing kind of insistence.

“Then let’s do this. I’ll wait until you talk.”

She withdraws her finger.

Then pulls me up by the hand.

My legs shake so badly I can barely stand.

Why am I afraid of my twin sister like this?

This has happened before.
So many times.

But never like this.

Never this terrifying.

I think… if this keeps happening, I won’t be able to endure it.

But I know why she’s angry.

Orihara-san. The confession.
And that kiss—just a touch on the forehead—but she saw it.

Even if I said I only let Emi-chan do it one-sidedly… it would only make things worse for her. Or maybe nothing would change at all.

But even so… this is too much.

This isn’t a conversation.

It’s an interrogation.

Even knowing that, I can’t say it out loud to Aika-chan.

“Eep—!”

I’m shoved hard.

I collapse onto the bed.

My thoughts cut off.

I try to get up immediately—but hit my head.

The bunk bed ceiling is too low.

There’s no room to escape.

“Don’t think about unnecessary things. Just tell me why you kissed that woman.”

“T-that’s…”

“This is Japan, you know? ‘It was just a greeting kiss’ doesn’t fly here.”

“I didn’t say—ngh…!”

My mouth is covered.

Silenced.

She was the one who told me to speak… and now she stops me.

As if answering my thoughts, she laughs softly near my ear.

“That’s why I said I don’t want unnecessary words.”

“……”

Her lips brush my ear.

Her tongue traces lightly.

Even though I’m terrified—

My body reacts.

It jerks.

Like it’s betraying me.

She giggles, as if enjoying it, and reaches for my hoodie zipper.

Before I know it, I’m exposed.

She touches me—gentle, almost painfully gentle—and unhooks it.

“A-Ai-chan… please… listen…”

“I said I don’t need unnecessary talk.”

Her voice turns cold.

Then she slaps me.

My mind goes blank.

I can only stare at her.

“Speak properly. I don’t need excuses or introductions.”

Her fingers stroke my burning cheek.

“Mana. This isn’t just about us, you know? It’s the same everywhere. Couples don’t allow cheating.”

I nod quickly.

I don’t want to provoke her anymore.

She looks terrifying.

“No need to be scared. If you properly reflect, I’ll forgive you. So—confess.”

“—!”

She pinches my cheek hard.

Tears spill out without permission.

“Mana. Are you cold?”

I nod again.

Not because I’m cold.

I know that.

But I still nod.

“I knew it. Then let’s warm each other up.”

She begins undressing.

Skin touches skin.

Warmth spreads where our bodies meet.

No matter how much I resist…

She doesn’t forgive me.

She keeps watching me lose control, laughing softly every time I break.

And I don’t get a single chance to speak.

Not even one.

“…hic… sob…”

Finally, I’m released.

I end up crying without meaning to.

She smiles like nothing happened and gently strokes my head.

“D-don’t…”

My body tenses, expecting another hit.

But she says softly,

“It’s okay. As long as you properly talk to me, I won’t do anything else.”

Then she asks:

“So, Mana. How did you respond to that confession?”

“I… I… I told her I already have you… I said I had a girlfriend… Orihara-san knew that… but before going to a different university, she just wanted to tell me… she said she didn’t need an answer… just… wanted to stay friends…”

“I see.”

“Then why did you kiss her? Or did she confess after kissing you?”

That’s wrong.

But if I tell her it was just a selfish “last request” kiss…

What will happen to Emi-chan?

She raises her hand again.

“I-I’ll talk! So please don’t—”

“Then speak quickly.”

“And… you won’t do anything to Orihara-san?”

“I wouldn’t bother with something so boring. But if you don’t talk, I’ll go ask her myself.”

Of course.

She knows exactly how I’ll move.

That’s why she smiles like she’s already won.

It’s fine. I already confirmed it.

So… I should just make it easier.

“…She said it was her first and last selfish request… and kissed my forehead.”

Silence.

Her hand slowly lowers.

But something heavy remains stuck in my chest.

I betrayed a friend.

Just so I wouldn’t anger her.

I already knew this would happen.

I still chose to close my eyes.

I’m probably the one at fault too.

“Mana. I don’t like it… whether it’s the forehead, cheek, or lips—being kissed by someone else. I can’t forgive it. So… be careful, okay?”

She leans in—

And kisses my forehead.

Softly.

Like she’s erasing what someone else left behind.

“Now go downstairs. Dinner will be ready soon.”

She leaves me alone in the dark room.

A tear slips down.

Am I sick for still loving her after all this?

Or is it because I’ve never known any other kind of love?

I don’t know anymore.

All I can do is curl up and stay there.

＊　＊　＊

“I have a message from Kashiwabara-senpai. She wants you to wait in the library after school.”

When I hear it, my chest tightens for some reason.

If she wanted to, she could’ve told me directly.
Texted me.
Anything.

Why through someone else?

I worry.

Is it because of yesterday?

If it is… then what does she want to talk about?

Did someone see us and start teasing her? Bullying her for being a lesbian?

If so… it’s my fault.

I need to fix it.

That’s why I head to the library.

She isn’t there.

I pick up a book and flip through it, killing time.

Before I know it, I’m alone.

I should leave before a teacher kicks me out.

I reach for my phone—

“Sorry I’m late.”

“About time, Aika.”

“Orihara-san, I’m sorry.”

“…Orihara-san? Didn’t you say you’d call me Emi from now on?”

“Ah… sorry. I’m not used to it yet.”

“You were the one who complained when I said it yesterday.”

She looks a little annoyed.

But I just laugh it off.

She seems restless.

Looking around.

Like she’s checking if anyone is watching.

“…What did you want to talk about?”

“Um… well…”

She keeps opening and closing her mouth.

Then finally—

“…That kiss yesterday… my girlfriend saw it.”

The world drops.

Ice pours into my stomach.

And I realize—

I’ve just destroyed her happiness.