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Chapter 08
A trace of worry crossed Hongseol’s eyes.
‘To think Eun-gong is suffering from that terrible illness.’
Insomnia.
It was a difficult word for a young child, but Hongseol knew exactly what it meant.
Because it was an illness her mother had developed.
Because of none other than Hongseol herself.
Just after she had turned five years old.
After being declared unable to use internal energy, Hongseol was locked away in a cold storage room.
“Take that thing away to the storage room immediately.”
Her mother had clearly pointed at her and said those words right in front of her eyes.
And yet, even while locked inside the storage room, young Hongseol could not accept it.
“There must’ve been some misunderstanding. Mom would never abandon me.”
Inside the freezing room devoid of warmth, Hongseol hugged her knees tightly and wiped away her falling tears as she repeated to herself,
“Right, Mom only said that because she was sick. She was delirious with fever… She must have mistaken me for someone else.”
The idea of her mother saying cruel things to her was impossible.
Until now, her mother had always been gentle with Hongseol.
‘If I go tell her what happened, Mom will be shocked and apologize to me.’
She would say she was sorry, that she had mistaken her for someone else.
And then, just like always, she would surely pull her into a warm embrace.
It already felt as though the familiar scent of her mother lingered at the tip of her nose, and Hongseol swallowed her tears and smiled faintly.
‘Then I should graciously accept her apology.’
She was very hurt, but she loved her mother more than anyone else in the world.
So the little child sat in the corner of the storage room, comforting herself again and again.
That was how Hongseol desperately suppressed the anxiety welling up inside her.
“Right, I’ll go see Mom!”
Though she steeled her resolve, an opportunity never came easily to Hongseol. The storage room door was always tightly locked.
The door only opened once a day—when the maid Cheongok brought her cold food.
Creak.
As if on cue, the old storage room door opened. Hongseol did not miss the chance and shouted,
“Cheongok! I’m going to see Mom!”
Just as Hongseol bravely took one step outside the door—
Smack!
The maid Cheongok shoved Hongseol by the shoulder.
Eek!
Hongseol let out a small cry and tumbled across the floor.
Even as she rolled helplessly, she could not believe it.
‘Cheongok… pushed me?’
Cheongok had always treated her kindly and politely!
“Cheongok…?”
The expression on Cheongok’s face as Hongseol looked up from below was one she had never seen before.
The cold, sharp look in her eyes was so unlike the warm maid Cheongok usually acted as toward Hongseol that she almost seemed like a spy from the Namgung Clan disguised through face-changing arts.
“Madam does not wish to see you, Young Miss.”
Hongseol found Cheongok, whose attitude had flipped as easily as turning over one’s palm, terribly unfamiliar. She could only blink silently.
“So stop wasting your energy and just stay here quietly eating the food you’re given.”
“…That’s a lie!”
The sorrowful cry burst out a beat too late.
Hongseol shook her head vigorously, her eyes shimmering with tears.
‘Mom could never not want to see me!’
At that, Cheongok’s lips twisted crookedly. It was a laugh of disbelief.
“Hah, I’m telling you it’s true. On top of that, Madam has recently developed the terrible illness called insomnia because of you, Young Miss. Do you think she’d want to see you?”
Insomnia?
Hongseol froze as if broken. The thought that her mother had fallen ill because of her filled her with sudden fear.
“What’s that?”
“It’s an illness where you can’t sleep. Madam is so distressed because of you that she can’t sleep at night!”
Perhaps because she did not want to believe such a cruel reality—
Hongseol’s thoughts suddenly went elsewhere.
‘Maybe if Mom sees my face, her illness will get better.’
Hongseol’s heart began pounding rapidly.
Her mother had always been like that ever since she was little. Even when she had headaches or stomachaches, she would smile warmly whenever she saw Hongseol.
“Our Hongseol’s face is a cure-all medicine.”
So surely this time too…!
Hongseol bit at her dry lips with tiny fingers as she sank into thought.
Watching her, Cheongok muttered aloud as though deliberately letting her hear,
“Seriously. I wonder what she’s thinking. Meanwhile, I barely have time to rest because I’m always pounding and drying evening primrose whenever I get the chance, all to cure Madam’s insomnia.”
Evening primrose…?
Come to think of it, there was a sharp grassy scent coming from Cheongok’s body.
Hongseol knew that plant. A common herb found everywhere, with leaves shaped like a baby’s palm.
Though she hadn’t known it was good for the illness called insomnia.
‘But Mom doesn’t need evening primrose anymore. I’m Mom’s cure-all medicine!’
She had to hurry to her mother and cure her insomnia.
Hope flushed Hongseol’s dirty cheeks pink, her tears already dried stiff upon them.
One day later.
Hongseol escaped while the maid Cheongok was bringing in a bowl of watery white porridge.
“Ah! Catch her!”
Patter patter.
Running with all her might while leaving Cheongok’s cries behind her, Hongseol arrived at Jegalseon’s residence.
Bang!
Hongseol’s hand trembled finely as she opened the door.
“Mom!”
At the damp voice, Jegalseon, who had been lying on the bed, slowly turned around.
Her hollow eyes met Hongseol’s tear-filled ones.
“……”
Had she fallen while running over?
There were scratches all over Hongseol’s face.
Her cheeks had grown hollow, showing she hadn’t been eating properly these past few days.
The martial clothes she hadn’t changed for many days were filthy, and even torn in places.
And yet, there was not the slightest emotion in Jegalseon’s gaze as she looked over Hongseol.
‘That’s strange… Why isn’t Mom calling me over and hugging me?’
Her mother’s reaction was so different from what she had expected that Hongseol became restless.
In the end, the anxious Hongseol had to call out first.
“Mom……”
A nasal sound escaped from her sunken throat. Hongseol hated that.
She wanted to look mature.
She wanted to clearly tell her mother how worried she had been.
But no courage would come.
Because there was no emotion whatsoever on the face of the mother she was seeing again after so long.
In those eyes was only the indifference of someone looking at a stone by the roadside.
“Oh no, Young Miss!”
The maid Cheongok arrived belatedly, breathing harshly.
“You can’t come here! Hurry and turn around and leave!”
Cheongok roughly grabbed Hongseol’s wrist.
Smack!
Hongseol bravely shook her hand off. At once, Cheongok glared and screamed,
“What do you think you’re doing?!”
But Hongseol could not even hear Cheongok’s voice. In her eyes, there was only her mother, Jegalseon.
Unlike the momentum with which she had shaken off Cheongok’s hand, she could not act recklessly toward her mother.
Hongseol barely forced out her voice.
“Mom……”
It’s me.
It’s Hongseol.
You told me so.
You said my face was your cure-all medicine…….
There were countless words rising inside her, yet she could not gather the courage to say another word.
Then Jegalseon spoke toward Hongseol.
“Turn around.”
“Pardon?”
Hongseol blinked, unable to understand her intention. Jegalseon spoke again in the same flat voice.
“Turn around and walk straight ahead.”
“But then that’s the door, Mom……”
“……”
Jegalseon said nothing.
It meant for her to leave.
Hongseol’s tiny body trembled with sorrow. But in the end, her mother did not take back her words.
Finally, Hongseol turned around and crossed the threshold, rubbing her burning eyes again and again with her little fists.
The whispers exchanged behind her between the maid Cheongok and her mother only made Hongseol feel more miserable.
“Because of whom do you think I can’t sleep at night! And yet she came all the way here on her own feet. What a shameless child.”
“Exactly. Please don’t upset yourself too much and lie back down, Madam. I’ll burn one of the incense pellets made from evening primrose. Then you should fall asleep quickly.”
As the painful memories resurfaced, Hongseol’s lips puckered on their own again. It felt as though she would burst into tears at any moment.
Misunderstanding Hongseol’s tearful expression, the maid Maeran waved her hands.
“Insomnia isn’t a fatal illness, Young Miss! Taesanggaju-nim is healthy, so please don’t worry too much.”
“Did the physician come by? Did he take his medicine?”
Hongseol swallowed back her tears and asked as maturely as she could. But she could not hide the nasal tone in her voice.
It was both pitiful and adorable. Maeran replied with an expression that seemed unable to decide whether to laugh or cry.
“The Head of the Medical Hall prepared some effective medicinal decoctions before leaving on a trip, but lately it seems he’s developed a resistance to them, so they don’t work anymore.”
“I see. Then Eun-gong must be having a really hard time these days.”
Hongseol’s face drooped with concern. Her feelings were sincere.
‘Eun-gong is truly a good person.’
He had brought her from Daechoksan and allowed her to stay here as a guest.
And not only that. He fed her well and dressed her in silk clothes.
And now such a person was suffering from the terrible illness of sleeplessness!
‘Is there any way I can help Eun-gong?’
Deep in thought, Hongseol clenched her tiny fist tightly.
