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Chapter 6
Had someone called my name from behind me that day?
The rain had been too heavy for me to be certain.
And even if someone had called for me—
I wouldn’t have been able to turn around anyway.
I couldn’t even remember how I made it back to my room.
By the time I was standing on the foreign carpet spread across my floor, my vision was already blurred.
It was only a cold—
just from getting caught in a little rain.
“My lady…!”
I vaguely remembered the horrified look on the maid’s face when she came in to check what I was doing.
She must have assumed I’d gone out onto the balcony and gotten soaked.
Fussing loudly, she scolded me with this and that—
though I remembered none of it.
In the end, it was probably all criticism disguised as concern.
Most of the servants, loyal watchdogs of my father, treated me that way.
Only a few didn’t bother wrapping their contempt in concern and simply condemned or insulted me outright.
And one of those few—
someone who never cared about rank when it came to making me miserable—
was Iswen.
He came to see me that evening.
“You met Laslet.”
The moment Iswen, seated in a chair beside my bed, said those words—
my heart began pounding violently.
Did he know about today?
But if he did, then Demian would have come first, raging that I’d disobeyed him.
I hesitated to answer too quickly.
I was afraid of making a mistake and worsening the situation.
Iswen stared directly at my anxious face before adding,
“Demian told me about last night.”
Then he didn’t know about today.
I barely had time to feel relieved before his interrogation continued.
“I heard the two of you were alone somewhere no one could see. What did Laslet do to you?”
“Nothing.”
My face immediately began to burn.
Shioden would never know this conversation for as long as he lived—
and yet I felt as though he were standing here, listening.
I was that unbearably ashamed.
I felt so sorry for him—
for being treated like some shameless rogue simply because he had been kind to a stranger.
It was unfair.
Kindness was a noble thing.
A person gentle toward others was a good person.
That was why nobles imitated kindness through endless etiquette.
And yet Shioden’s kindness toward me was being twisted into a flaw.
Because Iswen and Demian were the kind of people who didn’t understand the value of kindness.
People who couldn’t comprehend that not everyone in the world was sharp-edged like them—
that some were simply soft by nature.
And somehow, Shioden’s reputation would be the one to suffer for it.
“How can you be sure he did nothing? Perhaps he did something, and you were simply too foolish to notice.”
“Nothing really happened! We only took a walk and had small conversations. He was a perfect gentleman the entire time.”
Iswen pressed his lips together.
Then, after staring at me for a long moment, he asked,
“Was he kind to you?”
At that, I couldn’t answer immediately.
Of course Shioden had been kind.
But I had a feeling Iswen wouldn’t see that as something positive—
only as another angle to exploit.
“The fact that you hesitate tells me enough.”
Iswen sneered coldly.
“He may have been kind to you. Young men can be surprisingly stupid.”
I wanted to argue.
I wanted to tell him that the truly foolish ones were people like him—
people who refused to believe there were higher virtues in the world than the petty motives they were always searching for.
But when I met those cold, unsettling golden eyes—
eyes so much like Father’s—
the words died in my throat.
Fear, carved deep into my bones, pressed heavily against my tongue.
Seeing how frightened I was because of him, Iswen let out a mocking scoff.
“If Laslet showed you affection, then it was nothing more than shallow interest for a single night.”
“…”
“One that would vanish without a trace beneath the name Rowen.”
It wasn’t as though I didn’t already know that.
And yet Iswen mocked me mercilessly, as though he couldn’t stand not tormenting me.
“No matter where you go, you cannot escape this family’s name. So do not waste your time expecting anything from others.”
Then his gaze swept over me from head to toe, as though he could see straight through me.
That golden stare felt so chilling it was like my skin was being pierced.
“Even your own family cannot give you what you want. Don’t delude yourself into thinking outsiders will be any different.”
His words stabbed deep like blades.
The humiliation burned like a fresh wound.
My hands trembled before I realized it.
What Iswen was really saying—
was that he knew me.
That he knew I, who had never found my place within my own family,
wanted someone, somewhere outside of it, to love me.
And that such hope was pointless.
Because even my own family had never given me what I wanted.
The shame of having feelings I’d never confessed laid bare—
and the fury of having that precious wish crushed beneath someone’s heel—
made my face burn.
That day, after dousing me in his icy truth, Iswen rose from his seat and added,
“Even that maid you thought might fill your emptiness… became nothing more than a leash around your neck.”
“…”
“Don’t forget that.”
Thud.
The door shut behind him.
Only then did I finally release the breath I’d been holding.
I stared at my trembling hands and tried to steady my shaking breaths.
I was disgusted by this family—
who held love hostage despite being utterly incapable of giving or understanding it.
Whenever my heart grew too heavy, I always thought of Apple.
I missed her.
Her bright red hair like a ripe apple.
Her cheerful freckles.
One after another, I tried to think of things that could wash away the filth Iswen had left behind.
Early spring sunlight.
Pale blue hydrangeas.
A gentle voice calling, My lady.
And then—
at the very end of those thoughts—
the handsome smile of a man with vivid blue eyes flashed through my mind.
Without realizing it, I squeezed my eyes shut.
“My name is Shioden Laslet.”
I remembered those words perfectly clearly.
So why—
why did he keep appearing in my thoughts?
I couldn’t understand it.
I didn’t attend any more banquets after that.
Partly because my cold hadn’t fully gone away—
but even if I had recovered, Demian would surely have found some excuse to keep me confined to my room.
It was strange that Father, who had ordered me to maintain a favorable relationship with Aiden, said nothing.
But perhaps because Aiden sent flowers every day, Father considered my seclusion acceptable enough.
In some ways, I was relieved to stay in my room.
Because if I saw Shioden’s face again—
I had no idea how I should act.
I could still vividly imagine his expression hardening the moment I revealed that I was a Rowen.
“If Laslet showed you affection, then it was shallow interest for a single night.”
I didn’t want to confirm Iswen’s words were true—
not by witnessing Shioden’s attitude change with my own eyes.
Eventually, the banquet came to an end, and the day arrived when everyone staying in the palace would return to their respective homes.
Only then did the physician—almost certainly acting under Demian’s orders—declare that I had fully recovered.
That day, the imperial attendant who brought me flowers as usual arrived carrying one extra basket.
“Her Imperial Highness the Princess sent this.”
Inside the basket were white jasmine flowers.
When I unfolded the card tucked among them, a brief greeting was written in neat handwriting.
[To the beloved Lady Rowen. I hope your illness has fully passed. — Beatrice Litellin.]
Litellin was the imperial surname.
Beatrice was the name of the Empire’s only princess—
Aiden’s elder sister, the First Princess.
Which meant…
These flowers truly had come from the Princess’s palace.
But there was no reason for the First Princess to send me flowers.
After losing her mother several years ago, she had secluded herself and rarely left her residence.
She occasionally appeared at state functions—
but never at social entertainments like banquets.
So there was no reason we would have become acquainted.
Nor did House Rowen have any special connection to her.
Father had already laid the groundwork for a marriage alliance with Crown Prince Aiden.
There was no reason for him to turn his ambitions toward another royal.
The attendant who had delivered both baskets handed me another letter.
“A message from His Majesty the Emperor.”
The letter stated that if I had truly recovered, His Majesty wished to see me once before I returned to the Rowen estate in the capital.
This wasn’t entirely unusual.
I had occasionally received such invitations before.
Most likely, we would exchange polite greetings over tea in the garden.
It was less about me—
and more about showing Father how favorably House Rowen was being treated.
Since Father and my brothers would undoubtedly already know of the invitation, I began preparing to accept it.
Then the attendant added,
“His Majesty requests that you wear white, if you have such an outfit.”
Among the clothes I had packed—never expecting to miss every banquet after the first—
I did have a white dress.
It was a strange request.
But an imperial command was not something I could question.
So I simply nodded.
“Understood.”
Wearing the white dress as instructed, I made my way toward the Emperor’s audience chamber.
Then—
I heard footsteps behind me.
“Ella?”
At that familiar voice, I turned.
Blue eyes entered my vision—
eyes I had once thought looked deeper and lovelier in the light than in darkness.
A person I had never expected to meet here.
Without thinking, I whispered his name.
“Shioden…?”
