🔊 TTS Settings
Chapter 73
Anyone who has cooked even a little knows what tenderizing is.
It’s what makes meat soft. If you marinate meat with things like pear or kiwi, the tenderizing enzymes break it down.
It felt like that exact tenderizing was happening inside Noeul’s heart.
His heart had gone so soft that if someone even flicked it lightly, it felt like he might just fall apart. He might even throw away all his pride and manly dignity and cry.
But that was impossible—so Noeul sat alone on the bench, pressing down hard on the left side of his chest.
His heart felt warm, and sore, and tight, and floaty all at once.
He recalled the things that had happened with Jiwoo today.
Jiwoo had glared at the people cursing Noeul. But when talking to Noeul, she joked around like nothing had happened. In the theater she leaned close like she wanted to stick by his side, and when Noeul refused to take photos at the photo zone, she took him somewhere quieter to take pictures.
The face Jiwoo made when reading Noeul’s mood… the way she kept thinking, moment to moment, about how to make him comfortable… the face she made while pretending to act normal… Noeul recalled them all slowly and carefully.
It was like reminiscing about a happy childhood he could never return to—happy, yet sad.
He no longer had those old suspicions that Jiwoo was pretending to be kind, or secretly mocking him. Jiwoo was sincere. Maybe his heart had gotten soft, but it felt like Jiwoo had never treated him falsely, not even for a moment.
And now Jiwoo was even being considerate of him.
A sting pricked his eyes.
Still, he absolutely couldn’t cry. If he cried sitting on a park bench in the middle of fall, he’d look like some pathetic loser who got rejected after hitting on a girl way out of his league.
Tears rose, so he lifted his head…
Was Jiwoo really a completely good person now? No—she had always been good. Noeul had only belittled her in his own mind.
Is it possible to like someone and belittle them at the same time? Maybe Noeul hadn’t actually liked Jiwoo all this time. Maybe he’d only romanticized the tragedy of liking someone he could never have.
He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what his feelings had been.
But one thing was certain—he now genuinely liked Jiwoo.
So if Jiwoo seemed to like him too, and he liked her, couldn’t they just date and become happy?
…Until yesterday, he might have entertained that illusion.
But after today, he realized it was pure delusion.
Today Noeul felt as miserable as he was happy.
Because he felt like he had become… a dependent.
What happens when you go somewhere with an elderly person or an infant? You pour all your attention into them. You constantly check whether they’re uncomfortable or stressed. You also become conscious of other people’s eyes.
Today, Noeul was exactly that kind of person to Jiwoo.
Noeul lifted his head again and stared at the sky.
“Fuck… damn… fuck…”
No one wants to be that kind of person to someone they like.
No one wants the person they like to sacrifice something or endure something just to be with them.
Of course, being cared for feels nice. It means that person pays attention to you, cares about you. It shows how good of a person they are.
But there’s a limit.
When you feel like the other person is considering your every tiny move, that consideration starts to feel like shackles. It becomes suffocating and irritating. You even start thinking it’d be better if they were clueless and unaware.
It sounds like being cared for is always good, but it isn’t.
Being able to care for someone means you’re the stronger one. You have the ability, the space, the room to spare.
Being cared for means you’re the weaker one. You need help. You’re fragile.
So the person being cared for has no control. The control belongs to the strong one.
The cared-for person begins to feel like a burden. They worry—Won’t they get tired of me? Won’t they get sick of caring for me? Will they leave me?
Then their mood turns to shit.
Why are you caring for me so much that you make me anxious like this? I’m fine without all that. I’d rather be alone.
And then the ingratitude hits, followed by guilt.
Why did I act like that? They’re such a good person. They care so much about me. And I get irritated? I’m trash. I feel so sorry…
Their self-esteem plummets.
What would people say?
That pretty Jiwoo is suffering because she’s dating ugly, insecure Noeul. That with Noeul’s face, instead of worshipping a goddess like Jiwoo, how dare he make her watch his mood? They’d whisper that Jiwoo should’ve dated someone who looked as good as she did…
…That future flashed through Noeul’s mind.
Did he like Jiwoo enough to overcome all of that?
Was dating Jiwoo worth that much…?
Noeul had no confidence.
“…Huhh… hehe… that’s funny.”
Hansol lay on the sofa watching TV.
He scratched his belly and giggled like an idiot.
“How does he talk so well?”
Hansol’s father, eyes glued to the TV, laughed too.
His mother peeled an apple and occasionally lifted her head to watch.
[ Jihoon, this is your first variety show after finishing the drama, right? ]
[ Yes. It’s been a while, so I’m happy to be here. Please take good care of me today. ]
[ What did you do while you were on break? ]
[ Mostly stayed home. Took the dog out for walks sometimes. ]
[ Oh, so you’re a homebody? ]
[ Yeah, I don’t really have anyone to meet… ]
Hansol’s father, lying on the floor, turned to Hansol.
“You’re not going anywhere on a weekend?”
“No.”
“You’re at the age to go out the most. Why stay home all day?”
Hansol slowly sat up.
“I don’t have any plans… and home is the best. Going out just costs money…”
“What are your friends doing? You don’t have any friends?”
“Why wouldn’t I have friends? You’re the one who said I was always running around too much and coming home late…”
Hansol’s voice got smaller and smaller.
“What?”
“Nothing…”
“A young person lazing around at home all day—doesn’t look good. Go out and do something.”
Hansol kept to himself the thought, It doesn’t look great when old people laze around either…
[ What punishment are you choosing—whipped cream or water bomb? ]
[ They both hit the face, right? ]
[ Of course. Where else would they hit? ]
[ Ugh, isn’t there some other punishment? If it hits my face it’ll be a disaster. ]
[ Why? Why? ]
[ My silicone will burst. ]
[ Hahaha! Oh, silicone… pfft… so you’ve got silicone in there. ]
[ Yesss. Do you know how much this face cost? I spent enough on this face to buy a whole house. ]
The people on TV burst into laughter.
The celebrity known for plastic surgery made an exaggerated expression.
Hansol glanced nervously at his parents.
This kind of topic always made him feel like he was sitting on a bed of nails.
As expected, his father sighed.
“Ugh, what’s so great about bragging like that on TV? A whole house’s worth of plastic surgery, really?”
“Right?”
His mother gently agreed.
Hansol stayed silent.
His father pointed angrily at the screen.
“That’s pretty? That? Her forehead sticks out, she can’t even smile properly because of all the fillers. She looks like a robot. So skinny too… When you age, you get wrinkles. That’s natural. People should live with the face they’re born with…”
He clicked his tongue loudly.
His mother glanced at Hansol from the corner of her eye.
Hansol regretted being in the living room. He should’ve stayed in his room. Or gone out even without plans.
Soon his father went back to watching TV as if nothing happened.
Hansol went to the kitchen for water, then the bathroom, then quietly returned to his room.
“…Sigh.”
He decided to stay in his room until dinner.
He lay on the bed.
It was 3 p.m. By now Noeul and Jiwoo had probably finished the musical and eaten.
Hansol opened the group chat with the two of them.
No messages.
Must be having fun…
He considered sending, How was the musical? What did you eat?
But he stopped himself. It’d look like he was jealous of them, and his pride wouldn’t allow that.
He decided he wouldn’t message first until they did. And when he replied later, he’d pretend: Oh I just saw this lol.
Hansol felt ridiculous for making such resolutions alone in his room.
Had they had fun?
He hoped not.
He hoped the place was crowded, a rude audience member pissed them off, they had a small argument, the musical sucked, they felt stressed, and they thought, Wow, we don’t get along, hanging out together is hard.
…He wished the three of them could just stay friends forever.
Date other people.
Meet up and complain about their partners.
And within the trio, never date each other.
That would’ve been peaceful.
But it was far too late for that.
Bzzzt—
Hansol immediately checked his phone.
A message in the group chat.
He debated opening it later, but curiosity won.
Jiwoo had sent a photo.
Hansol tapped it.
Noeul stared stiffly at the camera, while Jiwoo smiled widely like she was about to laugh.
Did you know?
These candid pictures are more jealousy-inducing than perfectly posed ones. They capture a moment of genuine fun between the two.
Hansol exhaled sharply out his nose.
And they were way too close.
He was stunned.
“…What the hell. How did they even take this?”
The photo cut off their arms, but judging by their positions, they were definitely linking arms or pressed together.
“This is totally… dating level. What friends take pictures like this?”
Hansol grew increasingly irritated.
He shut his eyes tightly and pressed his temples.
Then he looked again.
Jiwoo was definitely the one linking arms and leaning close.
And Noeul… was probably secretly thrilled.
His stomach churned. He felt like he’d explode.
If it were a couple selfie, why send it in the group chat?
What, were they trying to make him jealous?
Hansol refused to give Jiwoo the reaction she expected. So he didn’t reply at all.
But then… where had they taken this photo?
He looked at people’s posts on social media—they all took pictures at the photo zone. But Jiwoo and Noeul had taken theirs in front of a plain wall.
Hansol instantly understood.
Noeul must’ve said he didn’t want a photo at the photo zone.
He probably said he’d take Jiwoo’s picture instead.
So Jiwoo must’ve said, Then let’s take one somewhere else together.
Hansol’s anger dissolved, leaving a heavy ache.
If it had been a photo zone picture, he wouldn’t have felt this way.
He would’ve thought, Ah, Noeul had a hard time hanging out with Jiwoo today, and laughed it off.
But this…
This was proof that Jiwoo had considered Noeul.
A picture only the two of them could’ve taken because it was Jiwoo and Noeul.
Hansol flipped his phone face down on the bed.
They already looked like a couple.
Considering each other, matching each other.
And how moved must Noeul have been?
Something swelled painfully in Hansol’s throat.
He clenched his teeth and waited for it to subside.
Why was he doing this?
Picking apart the photo bit by bit, getting angry and sad over every detail?
There was no need.
Nothing would change anyway.
Jiwoo and Noeul were meant to be.
Hansol had no place there.
He needed to let go.
Regardless of whether they worked out or not, he shouldn’t care.
Even if they broke up someday, there was zero chance Noeul would date him.
Would you date the friend of the person you liked?
Would Noeul date the friend of the girl he liked?
It would only make him look pitiful.
To Noeul, Hansol was just a rock. Not a man.
Practically the last person on earth he could ever end up with.
Thinking that far made his heart ache.
Hansol picked up his phone again.
He zoomed in until only Noeul’s face filled the screen.
Then he quietly stared.
“……”
Just then, a message came—from Jiwoo.
Not in the group chat.
A private message.
What could it be?
Hansol opened it.
[ Jiwoo: Hansol, are you free on a weekday evening? I have something to talk about haha ]
“……”
[ Jiwoo: Could we meet just the two of us…? ]
“……”
[ Jiwoo: It’s nothing serious so don’t freak out! lol ]
“……”
Somehow…
Hansol felt like he already knew what Jiwoo was going to say.
