WTFUDLS 65

Chapter 65

It felt like someone was beating a drum deep in the middle of her chest—
thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

Like someone had lit a blazing fire inside her lungs and filled her body with acrid smoke.

Like a parrot was screaming in her ears all day long.

That feeling just wouldn’t go away.

She tried distracting herself with phone games or watching YouTube, but only for a moment. Her thoughts always returned to the same place.

Noeul had done something cool. She shut down those kids who picked fights with Hansol, stared him down unpleasantly, and talked like he was beneath them. She’d taken them out cleanly in one blow—without even raising her voice, she’d made them realize what they’d done wrong.

So Noeul hadn’t done anything wrong. She’d done really well. She deserved praise.

Then why…
Why did it make Jiwoo this furious?

The drum pounded again, the fire blazed, the sharp cries spread through her chest.

Jiwoo exhaled slowly through her nose, hoping all of that would escape with her breath.

But of course, it didn’t.

She felt like if she spent an hour smashing something with a baseball bat, she might calm down. Or screaming until her voice gave out. Or punching something until her fists hurt…

But she couldn’t do that. Why? Because no one had done anything wrong, and the situation had ended well. If Jiwoo got angry, everyone would be confused. They’d think something was wrong with her head.

Jiwoo herself felt like something was wrong. The longer time passed, the worse it got instead of calming. She kept trying to soothe herself with logic, but the more she thought, the angrier she grew.

Because the more she thought about it, the more obvious it became: Noeul wasn’t wrong, Hansol wasn’t wrong—the only weird one was Jiwoo. If Jiwoo could just accept the situation positively, everything would be fine. Everyone would be happy. But Jiwoo alone couldn’t, and that made her even angrier.

—She was pretty, though.

Jiwoo clenched her fists. Her long nails dug into her palms.

It hurt. But the pain was nothing compared to the rising fury.

She knew why Noeul had said that. To strike back at Hansol’s friends. To shut up those childish high school–level kids who judged others by appearance.

And that’s why it pissed her off. Because she understood all of it. She understood Noeul a hundred times over, and she was still angry.

Noeul had called Jiwoo pretty too. Why had she said it then? Was it because Jiwoo had been drunk and whining? Was that compliment also for some other purpose? Just like when she called Hansol pretty this time?

Or had she meant it sincerely? To both Hansol and Jiwoo?

Then did “pretty” mean nothing to Noeul? Just something she could say to this person and that person?

…But did it have to be meaningful? If, by Noeul’s standards, Jiwoo was pretty and Hansol was also pretty, then of course she could say both were pretty. Was Noeul required to put deep meaning into the word?

…Yeah. The weird one really was Jiwoo.

What is wrong with you, Lee Jiwoo? Get a grip. Why are you being so petty? What exactly is your problem?

The four-year-old child inside Jiwoo screamed. Fine. I’m never believing anything Noeul says anymore. I’ll ignore every compliment and every insult. Why should I pay attention to someone who calls every girl pretty? I’ll tell other guys they’re handsome too. Smart and thoughtful. I’ll go around saying all the compliments I’ve given Noeul.

Jiwoo realized she was already huffing under her breath.

She took slow breaths so Noeul and Hansol wouldn’t notice.

Calm down. Calm down…

What if Noeul hadn’t said “She was pretty,” in that moment?

Hansol would’ve just taken the insults. Those kids would’ve left triumphant.

Would that have been better? Would that have made Jiwoo feel more at ease?

…If she was really honest…

Jiwoo kind of wished that had happened.

She wished Noeul hadn’t said that, even if Hansol got hurt, even if those idiots got away with it.

Was Jiwoo really such a small person? Why did a single sentence from Noeul matter so much?

But things had turned out fine, regardless of Jiwoo’s feelings.

—Oh, when I went to her house a long time ago. There was something that was clearly a yearbook on the top shelf. How could I not take it down and look?

When had Noeul gone to Hansol’s house? Jiwoo had never heard of that. She wouldn’t have forgotten—how could she?

So they’d hung out at Hansol’s house without telling her. Or had lied.

Why?

Why would they do that? Because if they said they were hanging out, Jiwoo might ask to join? Because they wanted to be alone together? Were they secretly dating behind her back? But why would they hide that? What would Jiwoo do? Get mad? Interfere?

“……”

Jiwoo emptied her head for a moment.

She was overheating.

Think calmly. Noeul and Hansol were close. So they could hang out at each other’s houses. They didn’t have to tell Jiwoo. There must’ve been a reason. It was disappointing they hadn’t told her… and she felt wronged, wondering what they thought of her… but still, they hadn’t actually done anything wrong…

But wasn’t Jiwoo allowed to feel hurt? Anyone would feel hurt if their friends hung out without them. And lied about it, too. Not telling her was still lying. Yes. This was something worth being angry about.

Jiwoo looked at Noeul and Hansol sitting across from her.

Hansol was asking Noeul something.

Noeul leaned in to look at Hansol’s laptop, their arms brushing lightly.

The drum in Jiwoo’s chest roared louder. Fire blazed, nerves screamed.

Jiwoo asked:

“So when did you go to Hansol’s house? I don’t think I’ve ever heard about that.”

Noeul and Hansol both looked at her.

Both looked uncomfortable.

Noeul said,

“It was really a long time ago. I don’t remember exactly when… Huh, why didn’t I tell you?”

Jiwoo was speechless.

She was just going to brush it off like that? With a simple “I don’t remember”?

Hansol kept staring at the laptop.

This was strange. Clearly they were hiding something.

Should she push further? But what could she say to “I don’t remember”? It wasn’t like she was interrogating a cheating boyfriend.

Should she say she’s hurt? But what would that change? Wouldn’t she just seem petty? Wouldn’t it only push Noeul away and make Noeul and Hansol closer?

Jiwoo clenched her teeth.

Acting rashly wouldn’t help her. First she needed to calm down. She could think again later.

“Do you want something to drink?” Noeul asked.

Everything on the table was empty.

Jiwoo answered,

“Sure.”

Noeul asked Hansol,

“What do you want?”

“I… iced Americano.”

Then she looked at Jiwoo.

“You too?”

Suddenly Jiwoo got annoyed. Why did she ask Hansol what he wanted, but for Jiwoo she just assumed she’d order the same thing? Was only Hansol’s choice important? Was Jiwoo supposed to just drink anything?

Jiwoo said,

“No.”

“Then what?”

“……”

“Hm? What do you want?”

“Stop pressuring me. I’m thinking.”

Jiwoo’s voice came out sharper than she expected.

Noeul said,

“Sorry. Just tell me when you decide.”

Jiwoo pressed her lips together.

Why had she gotten annoyed over nothing? It was just a question.

Why was Noeul accepting her irritation so calmly? She should’ve scolded Jiwoo. Told her to hurry up instead of snapping.

The more Noeul tolerated her, the more Jiwoo felt like the unreasonable one—and that made her even angrier.

She softened her tone.

“I… want an iced latte.”

“Okay. I’ll go order.”

As Noeul stood, Hansol said,

“I’ll go.”

“No, I’ll do it.”

“No, you ordered last time.”

When Noeul stood anyway, Hansol gently grabbed her arm.

Jiwoo’s eyes trembled.

Noeul sat back down.

“Okay then.”

Hansol went to order.

Noeul looked at her notes.

Jiwoo stared at her.

Did Noeul know how Jiwoo felt right now? Jiwoo was barely holding herself together. Did Noeul not feel anything? Did she not realize her words from yesterday had left Jiwoo like this?

She didn’t seem to know. She was just doing homework calmly.

It felt unfair. Why was Jiwoo the only one like this?

Jiwoo said to her,

“How could you do that.”

“What?”

“Why did you two hang out without me? At Hansol’s house.”

“…Sorry.”

Her quick apology only irritated Jiwoo more.

So Noeul knew. She knew Jiwoo would be upset. And because Jiwoo hadn’t said anything, she’d just moved on.

Jiwoo scoffed.

“What would I have said if you told me you two were hanging out? Why treat me like an idiot?”

The truth was, Jiwoo would’ve said something. She knew it. But she said it anyway because she was angry.

Noeul looked troubled.

“Sorry… I don’t know why I didn’t tell you then. I must’ve had a reason… Anyway, I’m sorry.”

Jiwoo pouted.

It didn’t make her anger disappear, but she couldn’t argue further.

“…It’s just really mean.”

“Then next time, let’s go to Hansol’s house together.”

“No.”

“Aw come on. Let’s go.”

“No. You go. Without me again.”

Hansol returned.

Noeul was coaxing Jiwoo.

“Come on, let’s go together.”

Hansol looked between the two, confused.

He asked,

“What’s going on?”

Noeul answered,

“I’m trying to convince Jiwoo to come hang out at your place.”

“Oh really? Yeah, let’s all hang out at my place.”

Her anger, which had started to fade, flared up again.

Why were they talking to her like parents coaxing a sulky child? Why were they treating Jiwoo like she was fussing for no reason? Jiwoo was seriously upset. This wasn’t childish. It hurt. She was really hurt.

But if she got angrier, she’d only look more childish.

Jiwoo shut her mouth tightly.

Hansol and Noeul watched her carefully.

Their cautious glances annoyed her too. They seemed like adults who knew how to control their emotions, and she alone felt like the irrational one.

Everything annoyed her. She wanted to get up and leave.

But that would make her look completely upset.

Better not make a big scene. She’d stay seated.

Then Hansol said,

“Hey, instead of my place, let’s go to Noeul’s.”

…Noeul’s…?

Noeul looked startled.

“What? Why suddenly?”

“Just because.”

He turned to Jiwoo.

“Jiwoo, you’ll come, right? Noeul’s place is way more fun than mine. My family’s around in the evenings. But Noeul lives alone. We can drink all night.”

Noeul glared at him.

“What are you talking about? Why my place all of a sudden? It’s tiny. You two won’t even fit.”

“How big is it?”

“Like… eight pyeong?”

“Eight? That’s huge. We could have a retreat there.”

“What retreat? If you come over we’d have to stand the whole time. There’s no room.”

“I love standing parties. Like in bars in Itaewon. We can put the drinks on the table and drink while standing. We’ll lose weight too.”

“Shut up.”

Ignoring her, Hansol looked at Jiwoo.

“You’ll come, right?”