🔊 TTS Settings
chapter 49
Tears have a kind of inertia. Once they start falling, they keep flowing until they run dry.
“Y-You’re crying?”
“…Yes. I suppose I am.”
Feeling the hot liquid running down my cheeks, I nodded.
I was tired.
So very tired.
Tired of constantly staying on guard, of scrutinizing documents until my head ached, of keeping watch against the forces endlessly coveting this land.
It was a position foretold for me from birth, and I had always believed I could perform it better than anyone.
I had promised myself over and over that I would do it well.
Even now, when there was no one left to witness that promise, I still struggled to keep it alone.
The reason I insisted so desperately that this was the right path was because I wasn’t certain.
Was this really the best I could do?
Even while constantly doubting and distrusting myself, I forced myself forward because too many things were tied to my feet.
But now, I didn’t feel like doing that anymore.
Just for this moment, I wanted to remain tired for a little while.
“It seems I am crying.”
I admitted it dryly and lowered my head.
I had broken down and cried, but that didn’t mean I was okay with Dejan seeing me like this.
Honestly, it was embarrassing.
To show weakness to someone I should be maintaining the upper hand over…
I would probably regret this day for a long time.
It would be one of those memories that made me kick my blankets in humiliation whenever I remembered it.
Even after erasing the man named Dejan Vojislav Nemanic from this world entirely, I would never forget it.
“Please don’t cry. I… what should I… Ah! The handkerchief, ah…”
Unaware that I was imagining killing him simply because he had witnessed me crying, Dejan was visibly flustered.
He waved his large hands uselessly in the air before fumbling through his rain-soaked clothes. Then he realized he no longer had a handkerchief and let out a blank sigh.
He looked like a stupid bear.
The sort of bear that pokes a beehive hoping to steal some honey and ends up getting attacked by hornets.
While Dejan stood there sweating nervously with an utterly troubled expression, I merely stood still, tears continuing to drip from my eyes.
“Your Grace.”
Unable to keep his hands still, repeatedly clenching and unclenching them, Dejan finally knelt on one knee before me.
Meeting my eyes despite my lowered head, he spoke in a much calmer voice.
“I did not act thoughtlessly. The plan may have deviated somewhat, but I will make certain that the Grand Duchy of Plene suffers no harm from the war or any other consequences you fear.”
Apparently, he thought I was despairing because I feared Joaquin’s retaliation.
Without replying, I simply watched him through tear-filled eyes as he continued his lengthy explanation.
“Contact Holdin and inform him that the situation has changed. Joaquin is stranded in Plene for now, so detain him under the pretext of caring for his condition. Meanwhile, send people to the county and pretend to verify my identity. If you do that, outsiders will trust Your Grace’s words more.”
After his long explanation, he forced an awkward smile.
“Your Grace is a beautiful person who has earned the trust of those around her. Joaquin has always been a problematic man. Public opinion ultimately moves people’s hearts. I don’t think many will blindly believe his claims.”
“…And how should I explain the fact that I allowed you to remain in the Grand Duke’s castle even after confirming your identity?”
I asked deliberately.
The moment Joaquin realized his voice held no power, he would surely fire another arrow.
I had no intention of immediately sending Dejan back to his territory on Adorif’s border.
The plan for my revenge had only just begun, and aside from successfully summoning Beval, I had accomplished nothing.
Moreover, the reason I had provoked Joaquin with that laughably pathetic farce was also part of the foundation of my revenge.
I wanted to attract the attention of powerful figures across the continent through a romantic scandal and make them approach me.
No matter how competently I fulfilled the role of heir, society remained uneasy simply because I was a woman.
Even the vassals of the Grand Ducal House who treated me with utmost devotion, and the other nobles of Plene, believed I could only achieve true stability through marriage.
I endured the anxiety they subtly revealed and pretended to be strong.
But the truth was, I wasn’t strong.
I was merely someone trying her best.
“As for that, we can simply say that my injuries have not yet healed and that I am unable to travel. Since Joaquin himself was the one who attacked me, won’t that explanation work?”
“But your injuries have already—”
“My injuries have not healed.”
Dejan cut me off firmly.
Then he picked up the sword he had set aside moments earlier.
Turning the blade around in a reverse grip, he drove it into his own abdomen without the slightest hesitation.
“…!”
“That will do.”
Unlike me, who was frozen in shock and unable even to cry out, Dejan remained calm.
Just as when he had cut down the lieutenant, there wasn’t a trace of hesitation.
The only reaction he showed was a brief tightening of his brow when he pulled the blade back out.
“Are you insane?”
“Now that we’ve confirmed I won’t lose control as long as I have the pendant Your Grace gave me, I can fabricate injuries as much as necessary.”
“You really are insane.”
Was madness contagious?
Had I infected him?
The shock was so great that even my tears stopped.
“The longer my injuries take to heal, the weaker Joaquin’s and the Temple’s suspicions that I contracted with a demon will become. It benefits me as well.”
Dejan spoke casually.
Yet I noticed from the way his Adam’s apple bobbed that he was in considerable pain.
The cord of the pendant peeked out slightly from his strong neck.
Blood slowly spread across his soaked clothing.
“Why are you going this far? What is it that you want from me?”
“I want nothing. Well, not exactly nothing.”
“Is this because of Sir Lyle’s death? If you’re trying to burden me with a debt this way, I’ll tell you now that it won’t work.”
“I’m not trying to burden you with a debt.”
Dejan refuted my assumption.
“If you must connect it to that incident, then think of it as selfishness—an attempt to ease my guilt through atonement. So Your Grace does not need to forgive me.”
An enemy had come to me of his own accord and was telling me to use him.
I closed my eyes briefly and opened them again, reflecting on a situation that would seem absurd even in a dream.
The tears that had remained hanging finally fell.
“Very well.”
Suddenly, anxiety surged inside me.
“Then I’ll continue thinking of you as my enemy without reservation.”
“Yes.”
What if this man became someone useful to me in the future?
It was that kind of pointless anxiety.
* * *
The chaotic situation was quickly brought under control under Giselle’s and the butler’s direction.
Giselle summoned her subordinates and had the lieutenant’s body taken away, while the butler cleaned the wrecked corridor and made sure everyone who had witnessed the incident kept their mouths shut.
Leaving all the aftermath to them, I sat alone in the bathtub.
Drawing my knees to my chest, I felt water gather in the gaps around my body.
It felt as though someone were embracing me, so I rested my cheek against my knees and closed my eyes.
It was quiet.
For some reason, my heart felt at ease as well.
Even though countless obstacles still lay ahead, my head no longer hurt.
I was surprised that I felt fine despite witnessing the senseless death of one of my people and learning the truth about my father and younger brother.
Was it because the dam of emotions I had built up for so long had finally burst?
In fact, I felt somewhat relieved.
Maybe it’s time to get out.
After warming the body heat the rain had stolen from me, I climbed out of the bath.
Without any attendants, I dried myself, brushed and dried my wet hair, and spent a long time preparing myself.
I was about to simply go to sleep when I remembered the task I had failed to complete because of Joaquin’s rampage.
I’ll take care of that before bed.
Wearing a thick robe over my nightclothes and slippers instead of shoes, I headed for the door.
But once again, something was caught on it.
