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“I know,” Shen Wang said, not daring to look at him. “But there are a few things I want to say to you.”
Gu Zhong looked at him leisurely, almost amused. “About what? Can your hookup wait that long?”
“I wasn’t planning to sleep with him.”
Gu Zhong gave no response. Wanting desperately to prove he meant it, Shen Wang added in a rush, “I don’t really… do that anymore…”
Gu Zhong let out a quiet scoff, and Shen Wang immediately felt even more embarrassed.
Every time he faced Gu Zhong, he lost the ability to speak. Like a rabbit caught by the back of the neck beneath a leopard’s claws, everything inside him emptied out, leaving him only able to tremble and study Gu Zhong’s expression for signs of mercy.
Silence settled between them.
Shen Wang rubbed nervously at the seam of his pants before finally asking, “Do you have a cigarette?”
Gu Zhong looked at him for a long moment, then pulled out a cigarette case from his pocket and handed him one.
Shen Wang took it and lit it. Only after staring at the glowing red ember did he finally feel a little steadier. He took a drag, then suddenly realized how close they were standing.
The moment he lifted his eyes, all he saw was Gu Zhong’s brow bone.
Gu Zhong had a quarter German heritage. His features were sharply cut, his eye sockets deep-set, his irises a beautiful hazel-brown. Under the dim streetlights, the color wasn’t obvious. It was only when Shen Wang noticed the faint crease in his brow that he belatedly stepped back.
He could smell tobacco clinging to Gu Zhong’s clothes.
He thought, Gu Zhong’s smoking habit must be pretty bad too.
Without thinking, Shen Wang murmured, “You should smoke less.”
“You should be saying that to yourself.”
“I hardly smoke anymore.” Afraid he wouldn’t believe him, Shen Wang hurried to add, “Really. I’m not lying to you.”
But Gu Zhong only said flatly, “You don’t need to tell me.”
The words lodged in Shen Wang’s throat.
He wanted to ask how Gu Zhong had been these past two years. Whether he’d found someone new. But he couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud.
He had the least right to ask.
So he could only look at Gu Zhong through the thin haze of cigarette smoke, gazing at him with something close to greed.
But once Gu Zhong finished his cigarette, he turned to leave.
Panicking, Shen Wang grabbed his sleeve, searching desperately for an excuse to keep him there. Yet when the words came out, they sounded entirely different from what he meant.
“Are you free tonight?”
Gu Zhong glanced sideways at him.
That look was too cold.
Shen Wang let go almost immediately.
He watched as Gu Zhong disappeared back into the bar, but this time, he didn’t dare follow.
Standing by the roadside, Shen Wang silently finished another cigarette. Then he went into a nearby convenience store, bought several cans of beer, and took a cab back to the hotel.
Only after he was half-drunk and sprawled across the bed did he finally allow himself to think about Gu Zhong.
The more he thought, the more his chest ached.
In the end, he didn’t dare think anymore.
Chapter One — Part Two
It was broad daylight by the time Shen Wang woke up.
He had drunk far too much the night before and hadn’t even showered. His head felt like it was splitting apart. When Miwa came in to wake him, she immediately covered her nose and complained that the room smelled rotten.
Still half-asleep, Shen Wang was shoved into the bathroom to wash up, nearly falling asleep again in the bathtub.
When Miwa noticed he hadn’t come out after a long while, she walked in, turned on the showerhead, and blasted him with cold water.
Shen Wang jolted awake.
His eyes burned with exhaustion when he heard Miwa say coldly, “Out screwing around again last night?”
He hadn’t heard clearly and only stared blankly at her.
Miwa frowned. “How much did you drink?”
Shen Wang thought about it before answering honestly, “Probably not that much. I wasn’t drunk last night.”
“Go wash up properly. We’re leaving soon.”
“Leaving?” Shen Wang froze.
“How much longer do you plan to stay in New York? You didn’t come here to drown yourself in sex and alcohol. You came for a funeral. Remember?”
Shen Wang wiped a hand over his face and muttered softly, “I remember.”
After he washed his face, Miwa examined him from every angle, then complained that he looked too pale and summoned both a stylist and a makeup artist.
Shen Wang let them do whatever they wanted to him without protest. The only thing he asked for was three cigarettes.
That was the agreement between him and Miwa: three cigarettes a day.
Though he rarely kept to it.
He had never been good at keeping promises.
After finishing the third cigarette, unease began creeping into him again. Gu Zhong’s face returned to his mind without warning.
He knew Gu Zhong hated him.
Yet some foolish part of him still clung to hope.
But he couldn’t even allow himself dreams anymore. He was about to leave New York.
So Shen Wang turned to alcohol again, wanting to muddy his thoughts. He dug a bottle of beer out from beneath the bed. When Miwa returned after handling work matters and saw him drinking again, she immediately started scolding him.
Shen Wang barely heard any of it.
Something about how self-destructive and pathetic he was.
He heard those words often enough.
But when they reached check-in at the airport, Shen Wang suddenly couldn’t stand still anymore.
Gu Zhong’s face surfaced in his mind again and again.
Almost unconsciously, he grabbed Miwa’s wrist and murmured, “Can we go back a few days later?”
“What now?”
“I left something behind. I want to go find it,” Shen Wang said casually.
But Miwa dismissed it immediately. “Then buy another one when we get back to Shanghai. It’s not like you can’t afford it.”
“It’s not about the money, I—”
Miwa cut him off tiredly. “Can you stop making trouble for once? If you don’t return soon, Cheng Tian’s PR department is going to kill me. Stop acting on impulse. Delaying a few days means delaying everyone else’s work too. Talking to you right now feels like talking to a kindergarten child.”
Shen Wang covered his face with both hands and said softly, “Sorry.”
Miwa draped an arm over his shoulders and gave him a casual pat.
Only after he boarded the flight back to Beijing, staring out at the skyline of New York beyond the window, did Shen Wang finally give up completely.
He turned to Miwa and said quietly, “I ran into Gu Zhong last night.”
Miwa looked up at him, expression flat. She grabbed his face and checked him over carefully. After confirming there were no injuries, she said icily, “So that’s why you suddenly wanted to stay behind. What a coincidence. You actually ran into each other. It’s a good thing he didn’t hit you. If I were Gu Zhong, I’d ruin that face of yours first, then make you pay properly.”
Shen Wang lowered his eyes. “He didn’t hit me. He didn’t even raise his voice.”
“As expected of Gu Zhong,” Miwa said blandly. Then she frowned at Shen Wang again. “You’re not thinking about getting back together with him, are you? If you are, give up on that idea now. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who falls into the same pit twice.”
“…Mm,” Shen Wang answered softly.
“Stop thinking about it. You’re never going to see each other again anyway. No matter what feelings you still have, once you stop seeing someone, things fade on their own.”
“Mm.”
“Right now, your priority should be preparing yourself for the public backlash waiting for you back home.”
“I know.”
Shen Wang lowered his head as he spoke.
