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Chapter 44
Bellakshina looked slightly startled by the sudden question before quickly making a dumbfounded expression.
“Even more than this?”
She gestured with her eyes toward the golden rope binding her to the chair, as if asking how things could possibly get any worse.
“I didn’t mean it literally.”
Avalkin rubbed his forehead like he had a headache.
After staying silent for several minutes as though carefully choosing his words, he finally spoke again.
“You keep trying to run away from me. Even if it means crossing the Angelus Mountains.”
“Well…”
“I know. I understand that ours isn’t a normal relationship. If you think about it, it’s only natural for a slave to try to escape. But acting like death would be preferable is going too far, isn’t it?”
Bellakshina protested defensively.
“I never did that.”
“No, you did. I can tell just by seeing you like this.”
When Avalkin said “like this,” he gestured toward Bellakshina.
More precisely, toward the golden ropes restraining her. Then he motioned around at everything else nearby.
“I can’t keep living like this.”
“I’m the one tied up, so why are you acting like you have it harder?”
“I swear to God, if I had the choice, I would’ve chosen to be the one tied up.”
That part is true.
There was almost no room for doubt. Avalkin’s voice and tone were too sincere.
“So tell me what you want now. Why exactly are you trying to run away? What do I have to do to make you stay beside me without binding you with ropes like these?”
Avalkin looked as though he were declaring surrender.
Bellakshina could tell this wasn’t simple irritation.
It was frustration—the natural feeling that came after striving desperately for something without regret, only to fail in the end.
Maybe that was why the tightly locked door inside Bellakshina’s heart loosened just a little.
“That’s…”
Why had she tried so desperately to escape?
Her rational mind told her to accept reality, compromise, and be satisfied with what she could gain right now.
But she couldn’t.
“The reason I wanted to run away is…”
She hadn’t chosen to become a slave, nor had she chosen to be sold to Avalkin.
She hadn’t chosen to come to Yeshken, nor had she chosen this marriage.
Everything happening in the world around her went against her will, forcing her to accept things she never wanted.
It felt as though the entire world had become her enemy.
“…Because I’m sad.”
Bellakshina startled herself with the truth that slipped out unconsciously.
Was I sad?
She knew she was angry. She’d clearly felt emotions like vengeance, rage, and resentment.
But she hadn’t realized sorrow was buried inside them too.
“What made you so sad?”
The surprise lasted only a moment. After wandering for so long, Bellakshina’s lips finally seemed to find their path and began pouring out her true feelings.
It didn’t feel like conscious choice anymore—it felt like the floodgates of emotion had burst open beyond her control.
“My father died.”
That was where everything had begun.
“Before the funeral was even over, everything started falling apart. Problems exploded everywhere like a collapsing dam, and there was no way I could handle it all alone…”
Bellakshina’s hands trembled.
“Then I was falsely accused of countless crimes, betrayed by someone I thought was my friend, abandoned by my fiancé, stripped of everything, threatened while I was completely powerless…”
Just remembering it made tears threaten to fall.
She hadn’t even had time to grieve. She’d dug through her family mausoleum just to survive, only to end up a slave anyway.
“Did you lose the will to live?”
Bellakshina shook her head.
What she had endured was undeniably too cruel for one person to suffer all at once.
And yet she still had something driving her forward.
“…I’m going to take revenge.”
A destructive madness flickered in Bellakshina’s crimson eyes.
“I’ll repay my suffering a hundredfold, a thousandfold. Rudiger, Irisril… and the entire Kalhorn Empire that abandoned me—I’ll destroy them all!”
She would drench the land in blood, set the sky ablaze, and make rivers from tears.
“That’s why I couldn’t marry you.”
At that moment, Bellakshina finally understood why she had been so desperate to leave Avalkin.
She could no longer build a new future with someone, nor settle into a new life through compromise.
Revenge against Rudiger and Irisril was the only thing left giving her reason to live.
“It wasn’t your fault. I’m just… too broken…”
Noticing Bellakshina confronting her own inner turmoil and becoming overwhelmed, Avalkin tried to calm her.
“Don’t push yourself so hard. You’re not broken. You’re simply overwhelmed by misfortune right now.”
“How would you know?”
“I know.”
Avalkin took her hand.
It was colder than he expected.
Warming her hand with his own, he spoke slowly.
“When people experience unbearable tragedy, it feels like their soul has been damaged. Like they can never return to who they once were. Like there’s no longer any reason to live.”
His hands were rough and dry as they gently rubbed warmth back into hers, but they were also large and comforting.
Like the fireplace inside a tiny cabin where a lost traveler rests on a freezing winter night.
Warmth. Safety. Gratitude.
“But that feeling isn’t true.”
Avalkin carefully weighed every word, as though stamping each one into place.
“The human soul isn’t something that breaks. If I had to compare it to anything, it’s closer to an injury. Even if it can’t function properly right now, with proper treatment, support, and enough time, it can return to normal… no, it can even become stronger than before. Just like any other wound.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes. Though the scars remain.”
Bellakshina nodded at his honesty.
After suffering through something this painful, even if time passed and everything improved, there was no way scars wouldn’t remain behind.
“What you need is proper care and support. I’ll provide that. I’ll support you, stand by you, and stay on your side for as long as I can.”
Studying Bellakshina’s face carefully, Avalkin asked gently,
“Will you stay by my side now?”
When their eyes met, Bellakshina suddenly thought that perhaps something special could one day grow between them.
Even if, for now, necessity occupied that place instead.
Still, someday—after all their wounds had healed—maybe…
“There’s one thing I want to ask of you.”
Bellakshina spoke with a trace of unease in her voice.
“Anything.”
“It’s a very difficult request.”
“If it’s something I can do, I promise I’ll grant it.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Bellakshina took a deep breath and pleaded with all her heart.
“Will you become a traitor with me?”
“……”
Avalkin looked at Bellakshina with warm eyes and then…
“No.”
He drew the line sharply.
She’d known it probably wouldn’t work.
Still, the atmosphere had made it feel like maybe it would.
[No sane person would agree to that.]
“I know.”
Naturally, it wasn’t hard to understand why.
If Avalkin chose rebellion, countless—well, not countless, but still quite a lot of—the people living in Yeshken would all die.
On the other hand, if he had immediately agreed to become a traitor, she wouldn’t have trusted him anyway.
[Still, there’s a good side to this.]
The System smiled brightly as it landed atop the grimoire sitting on the desk.
That’s right—a desk.
Which meant Bellakshina had gotten all her furniture back!
Naturally, the golden ropes that had tightly bound her were gone too, and her door was no longer locked.
Her long imprisonment was truly, completely over.
“I never realized freedom could feel this good.”
[Even though the wedding is tomorrow.]
Bellakshina’s expression immediately became complicated.
“I always assumed I’d get married someday, but…”
Now that it was right in front of her, there was no helping the complicated emotions.
So many things were about to change.
For example, she would no longer be Bellakshina Outvayan, but—
“Bellakshina Ishtvan-Sigsmund de Yeshken.”
That’s long.
Her name had never exactly been short before, but now it was truly enormous.
[So you’ve really given up on running away?]
