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Chapter 15

The sort of thing couldn’t have made me angry. To begin with, I wasn’t in any position to be.

But Jess’s hand resting around my shoulders—so light it carried only warmth, not weight—felt as though it was telling me I could say anything.

I parted my lips several times before I finally spoke.

“You said you’d be back early.”

“Mmm.”

“But you came back even later than usual.”

“I did.” He smiled sheepishly, one eyebrow creasing. “Sorry.”

Then, with a teasing grin, he added,

“So that’s why you were upset.”

“…I’m not.”

I should have answered immediately, but I hesitated for the briefest moment.

Because… if I was being honest, I had been a little disappointed.

Not that I wanted him to notice.

Afraid he’d caught that tiny pause, I hurriedly changed the subject.

“I’m just glad you came back safely. You’re not hurt anywhere, are you?”

“Of course not.”

Jess trailed off and reached a hand toward me.

I noticed too late because I’d been looking at his face. Even inside the rough black glove, his long fingers carried an unmistakable presence. They hovered awkwardly in midair before stopping.

He didn’t reach any farther, only looked at me with an unreadable expression.

Realization struck me.

“What? Is it uncomfortable? Should I take your glove off?”

His left arm was supporting me. It would be awkward to remove it one-handed.

Jess chuckled and shook his head.

“No.”

His smile deepened.

“I guess you really missed me.”

“Huh?”

“You even came out to meet me.”

“…Meet you? Who? Me?”

“No?” He sighed dramatically. “That’s disappointing.”

Without thinking, I searched his face.

He looked much the same as always.

Still…

After fidgeting for a moment, I cautiously asked,

“Do you like it… when someone comes out to meet you?”

Maybe next time he returned, I should come.

If I asked the captain of the knights, he’d tell me Jess’s schedule.

“Hm, not really.” He tilted his head. “More importantly, if you weren’t here to meet me, why are you outside in this cold?”

“Ah—that’s because… Oh! Sophia!”

I’d completely forgotten.

She couldn’t have gotten very far yet. I had to catch her.

The moment I tried to run, Jess’s arm blocked me.

As if to tell me there was nothing to worry about, he patted my back.

Then, after steadying me so I wouldn’t lose my balance, he casually asked,

“That girl’s name is Sophia?”

“Uh… yeah…”

I looked ahead.

There really wasn’t anything to worry about.

“Let go! I said let go!”

“And who actually lets go just because they’re told to?”

Sophia was pinned to the ground.

The knights restrained her while grumbling amongst themselves.

Captain Liam, Noah, and countless others pretended not to stare while sneaking glances in our direction every few seconds.

The entire place was unbelievably noisy.

How had I not noticed until now?

I stood there blankly before turning to Jess.

“You… that person… this… um… you…”

My tongue refused to cooperate.

What was going on?

How long had they been watching?

How much did he know?

The annulment papers…

He knew about those too, didn’t he?

Jess’s gaze, fixed on my eyes, slowly drifted down until it settled on my lips.

“Why do you keep biting them?”

“…”

“You’re going to make them bleed.”

He smiled faintly.

“Your poor lips. They’re suffering because they ended up with such a troublesome owner.”

I immediately released my abused lower lip.

Jess instinctively lifted his hand toward me before freezing halfway, quietly lowering it again as though nothing had happened.

“I found out because of the carrier pigeon Noah sent.”

“That’s right.”

Noah had somehow wandered over while we were talking.

He shrugged proudly.

“As expected of me. I handled everything perfectly.”

For perhaps the first time ever, I didn’t appreciate Noah being competent.

The important question was…

How much did Jess know?

Did he know I’d signed the annulment papers?

Did he know they had been forged?

That they had ended up reaching the temple anyway?

…Of course he knows.

Noah just called himself competent. There’s no way he left that part out.

Embarrassment flooded me.

Instead of helping Jess, all I’d done was create an enormous mess for him to clean up.

What must he think of me?

If he looked at me like I was pathetic…

Or like I’d only caused him trouble…

I honestly felt like digging a hole and burying myself.

Loving someone was complicated.

It was never as simple as I like them.

You didn’t want to disappoint them.

You wanted them to think well of you.

And inevitably…

You started hoping for things you probably shouldn’t.

I cut off my spiraling thoughts.

It was better to explain it myself.

Carefully.

Without sounding like I was making excuses.

“I signed the annulment papers.”

My lips had gone dry.

I wet them unconsciously.

The place I’d bitten earlier still stung.

There wasn’t any blood, but I’d probably broken the skin.

“I didn’t know they were forged. I didn’t do it on purpose.”

I lowered my voice.

“But… this is going to affect you, isn’t it? Your reputation… or something?”

The answer came from Noah before Jess could speak.

“Lord Jestian never had a particularly good reputation to begin with, so he’ll be fine.”

One of Jess’s eyebrows twitched.

I immediately opened my mouth to defend him—

Then quietly closed it again.

The rumors about Jess around the capital were…

A barbarian from the North pretending to be refined.

A childish brat.

A savage who didn’t even know how to hold a dinner fork properly.

And plenty more besides.

…Well.

His reputation really is terrible.

Still…

If people added being dumped by his fiancée to that list…

Wouldn’t it become even worse?

Maybe if everyone knew it had been entirely my doing…

His reputation would suffer a little less.

As I agonized over it, Jess muttered with a small pout,

“I don’t care about things like that.”

His eyes met mine.

“What bothers me is something else.”

He leaned toward me.

If we hadn’t been almost the same height, it would have looked as though he were trying to rest his head on my shoulder.

“My fiancée tried to abandon me.”

“…Huh?”

I could only blink.

Jess kindly pointed a finger at me.

“You.”

Then he bent that finger back toward himself.

“Tried to abandon me.”

“What…?”

“You did.”

“No! What are you talking about? Why would I abandon you?”

“If you break off the engagement…”

He answered as though it were obvious.

“That means you’re abandoning me.”

“…What?”

I frowned.

“How does breaking an engagement become abandoning someone? It’s just… breaking off an engagement.”

The word abandon felt strange.

I’d never once been in a position to abandon anyone.

And even if I had been…

I would never abandon Jess.

I stared at him, certain he’d misunderstood things in the most ridiculous way imaginable, and forced out a laugh.

The muscles around my mouth ached from the effort.

Jess didn’t react.

“I would never abandon you.”

I smiled helplessly.

“How could I ever do something like that?”

Yet he remained silent.

Watching him stand there without believing me somehow made me feel hurt instead.

Why won’t he believe me?

I’m telling the truth.

Trying to reassure him, I rushed on.

“Jess, I really didn’t know.”

“I signed it because I didn’t know.”

“I never imagined things would turn out like this.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What if you had known?”

“…What?”

“If you’d known the annulment papers were forged…”

His eyes never left mine.

“Would you still have signed them?”

“If I’d known, I wouldn’t—”

The answer caught in my throat.

Wouldn’t have…?

Really?

Would I?

My thoughts became tangled.

…I don’t know.

No.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know.

It was that I didn’t want to know.

People needed solid ground beneath their feet.

For me, divine power had always served that purpose.

Maybe not solid ground…

But at least a pillar that kept me from falling.

Now it was gone.

I no longer had anything left to offer.

The North desperately needed divine power.

And I no longer possessed it.

I had my pride.

I couldn’t refuse the annulment papers simply because I wanted to stay beside Jess.

Even if those papers had been forged.

Even if I had selfishly refused to sign…

Wouldn’t genuine annulment papers have arrived soon afterward anyway?

Official documents.

Stamped with the seal of House Refgaen.

“…I don’t know.”

I lowered my head.

“Why are you asking me something like that?”

Jess had probably already guessed all of this.

Why ask anyway?

When I tried to dodge the conversation, he looked at me for a long moment.

“Hmm.”

“Then…”

“What if I’d said I didn’t want to break off the engagement?”

His voice was calm.

“What if I said I didn’t want it?”

For one fleeting second, hope flared inside me.

Only to crash back down.

It wouldn’t have changed anything.

Even if the North objected…

If the Grand Temple insisted, the matter would have been settled.

To preserve the contract, they would simply have sent another fiancée.

…Wait.

In my previous life, Jess never got engaged again.

How was that possible?

The sudden realization threw my thoughts into chaos.

Jess studied my face as though weighing something.

Then one corner of his mouth curled into a crooked smile.

“So you really were planning to.”

“…”

“After spending five years together…”

“You were going to leave your fiancé behind and return to the capital all by yourself.”

“…”

“Were you thinking that from the very beginning?”

His voice grew quieter.

“You never wanted to be engaged to me?”

“All this time…”

“Were you just waiting for the chance to leave me?”

While I was still lost in confusion, Jess continued piling one absurd accusation after another.

“…Me?”