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Chapter 120
Drunken Confession
His strong arms lifted me far too easily, my feet leaving the ground as his warmth surrounded me even more.
Johan clicked his tongue lightly and gave a quiet laugh.
“Not bad.”
As he walked slowly, his eyes fixed on me.
“You’re not trying to get me worked up on purpose, are you?”
“No, I—”
“Actually, it doesn’t really matter either way.”
Thud— my back hit something hard and cold.
‘This isn’t the bed?’
Johan always laid me down on a soft bed. But this time, I could see the bed behind him; instead, the cool wall by the window pressed against me.
“What do you think I’m going to do now?”
Johan looked up at me, his lips curving knowingly when he sensed my tension.
“W-What are you going to do?”
“I asked you first.”
Then he kissed me— starting from my nose, then my forehead, my lips, my eyes, every spot he could reach.
As if I were something precious.
When our eyes met, he murmured softly:
“Why did you drink?”
“Can’t I?”
“You don’t usually drink. I thought something happened.”
His firm fingers brushed along my ear. Maybe it was because my head felt hot, but every time his hand touched me, it felt cool and soothing.
“I just wanted to drink.”
“Really? Until you got this drunk?”
“I’m not drunk.”
I rubbed my head against his hand without realizing it.
“But there is something I wanted to complain to you about.”
Feeling the urge to say it, I placed both hands on his shoulders.
“What is it?”
“Something very serious.”
“Then I’ll make sure to listen carefully.”
Even as I tried to keep a serious face, Johan just nodded leisurely, unfazed. His calmness annoyed me somehow, and I glared at him.
‘He’s so handsome.’
My gaze caught on his sharp nose, then moved to his eyes. When our eyes met, he smiled sweetly.
‘That face… it’s dangerous.’
No matter what I wanted to say, my thoughts scattered. I was trying to have a serious talk, but my heart was melting, tempted to just let it all go.
“You’re so handsome, it makes me mad.”
“…What?”
“Why are you this good-looking?”
When I pouted, Johan blinked like he hadn’t expected that. Then the corners of his lips curved playfully.
“You’re mad because I’m too handsome?”
“Don’t laugh. I’m being serious.”
“Alright, I’ll reflect on my actions sincerely.”
He furrowed his brows just a little, pretending to be serious, though his eyes were still teasing.
“You’re not being sincere.”
“I am. I truly regret it. You must’ve been upset because I’m so good-looking.”
Feeling like he was teasing me, I reached to cover his mouth— but he leaned back slightly, and my hand landed on his chest instead.
Pop.
‘What the—?’
I hadn’t even pulled that hard, but the top button of his shirt came undone. His collarbone and firm chest muscles peeked through.
Johan raised an eyebrow.
“Trying to jump me now?”
“N-no!”
“So you don’t want to?”
He sounded almost hurt, his tone dripping with suggestion.
“Am I not attractive to my wife?”
“That’s not it…”
“Then will you?”
His words made my head spin. My palm rested against his solid chest.
“It’s all yours anyway.”
My whole body flushed, but my fingers refused to leave the warmth of his body. My throat felt dry; I swallowed hard.
‘Does Johan feel this way when he looks at me?’
The thought jolted me, and I quickly pulled my hand back.
“This isn’t what we’re talking about.”
“Then what? You want me to become ugly?”
I shook my head immediately.
“No, I don’t want that.”
“Right, because my wife likes my face.”
“…Who said that?”
“Then?”
“I don’t like your face.”
What I like is you.
Even if he’s ridiculously handsome, I don’t love him for that. I love Johan because he understands me strangely well, because he’s always there when I’m sad, because even when he knows nothing, he still makes me happy.
Not that his looks didn’t help…
But his voice had dropped lower now.
“…So whose face do you like, then?”
“Hmm…”
“Why? You don’t want to say?”
“Yup! I just don’t feel like telling you.”
The stiffness in his mouth made me giggle.
‘Now he’s serious!’
He sounded genuinely invested this time, like he truly wanted to know.
“Hmm, and what would make you tell me?”
“Uuugh. Maybe I’m drunk.”
Feeling the heat of alcohol rising again, I fanned myself with my hand.
“Ah— right. Johan, what was I saying again?”
“…”
“You don’t remember either?”
Johan just smiled and laced his fingers through mine.
“You were telling me what kind of guy is your type. Who your ideal was.”
“Was I?”
Tilting my head, I suddenly tightened my grip and shook our joined hands.
“No, that’s not it. I said I wouldn’t tell you! Liar.”
“Heh, you caught me.”
“Anyway, you’re too handsome. It annoys me sometimes, even though I know it’s not your fault.”
Johan tilted his head, meeting my gaze.
“Is there a reason it annoys you that much?”
“Yeah.”
“What is it?”
“Stella.”
The word slipped out before I could stop it— maybe because of the alcohol.
“Because of Estella.”
“…”
“Did you know she’s the real daughter of the Duke of Libertan?”
“…I know.”
“And what do you think?”
As soon as I said her name, my heart pounded violently. I stared at Johan’s face but soon lost my nerve, looking down.
Still, I couldn’t let go of his collar. If I did, I felt like something truly awful might escape my mouth.
“…What are you trying to ask?”
“Who did you originally want to marry, Johan?”
That night under the falling stars, he told me it didn’t matter whether I was real or fake— that to him, I was real.
‘But isn’t it strange?’
Even after hearing that, I was still trembling with insecurity. Because now, Johan knows who the real target of his revenge was.
‘Nothing bad will happen… right?’
Tears welled up in my eyes from the alcohol’s haze.
“Sorry. I’m whining too much, huh?”
The words spilled out without thought.
“Even I’m sick of me like this. You must be tired of me too.”
“…No. What are you talking about?”
Johan’s voice hardened. He lifted my chin impatiently so I’d meet his eyes.
“Slow down. Tell me everything. I’ll never get tired of you. Did someone say something to you? Who was it?”
His tone was sharp enough to kill.
But Johan could never find the culprit—
‘Because the source is the original story.’
Instead of explaining, I just shook my head weakly.
“It’s nothing like that.”
No matter what answer I got, maybe I’d still be unsatisfied.
“I’m just… weird, for no reason.”
“Why do you always talk like that? Always putting yourself down.”
“…I don’t.”
“You do. Every time.”
My strength left me. A moment ago, I wanted him to say something— anything— to reassure me. But now, I didn’t want to hear anything at all.
“Okay, that’s enough.”
“I thought it was because I was being forceful. But no— you’re the one punishing yourself, brushing off your pain like it’s nothing. Like you’re protecting yourself that way.”
“No, that’s just—”
“Why do you keep diminishing yourself? Why act like you’re guilty of something?”
The tears that had clung to my lashes finally fell.
“…”
My mind went blank white. I felt exposed, humiliated.
‘When did he see through me like this?’
I knew I was too honest with Johan. Somehow, he always made me that way.
With everyone else, I could act easily. But in front of him, I always ended up showing the parts I hated most— hoping for something I shouldn’t.
No one likes seeing someone’s broken side.
If I wanted to keep this relationship, I should’ve only shown him my best.
‘…My ugly self.’
It felt like my most disgusting, hated self had been torn open before him. My body trembled uncontrollably.
“So, you hate me now?”
I looked up at him through tearful eyes.
“Do you hate me for being like this?”
“Estelle!”
Johan pulled me tightly into his arms. I couldn’t see his face, but his warmth slowly calmed me.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“…I don’t know.”
My mind was chaos. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say anymore— I just hated myself so much that I wanted to lash out.
“Then just listen.”
He patted my back gently.
“I won’t leave you.”
His warm, steady touch broke something in me. The tears that had fallen one by one turned into sobs.
“I asked because it hurts to see you blame yourself.”
“Why?”
“Because I know what you went through in Libertan.”
Thud—
My heart dropped heavily. My breath hitched.
“Y-you know?”
“Yeah. I know.”
“How?”
Could it be— Bettina Erich told him?
‘Then why didn’t he confront me?’
The thought tangled my mind. My body trembled again, and Johan held me tighter.
“Maybe I knew from the first time I saw you.”
“From the start?”
“Yes. I could tell you weren’t the adopted daughter people said you were. That you might have a completely different past from the ‘Estelle Libertan’ everyone knows.”
“…”
“There wasn’t a big incident. But as I watched you, I just knew.”
“…That I was abused?”
My voice came out broken, and Johan firmly corrected me.
“That you have scars inside you.”
He looked me straight in the eyes.
“And that all that talk about the Duke and Duchess loving you was bullshit.”
“Then why didn’t you ask me?”
“Because you didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Then why tell me now?”
“Because you’re in pain.”
He said it simply, looking at me with nothing but honesty.
“Pretending not to notice doesn’t make it better— it just makes you more afraid. That’s why I’m saying this.”
“…”
“Even what you said about Estella… I think that’s part of it.”
Why does Johan always say exactly what I wish someone would say?
‘He doesn’t even know about the original story like I do…’
A sob caught in my throat.
“…Johan.”
“Yes, my wife.”
“You won’t leave me for Estella, right? Even if she’s real?”
“She’s fake.”
Johan’s reply was firm.
“I’ll never have that woman by my side.”
“Even though she’s the real daughter?”
“Why does that matter? Why does that bother you?”
“Because… you married me for being a Libertan lady.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then why did you marry me?”
Johan pressed his lips to mine. What started as a light touch deepened, stealing my breath as he explored and conquered my mouth.
When he finally pulled away, my face was flushed, my lips swollen.
“Because I love you.”
He looked at my lips with satisfaction and whispered gently.
“So forget about her. It doesn’t matter if she’s the Duke’s real daughter or not. Forget everything.”
It was such a sweet lie that I found myself nodding before I knew it.
“Johan, you know I hate lies.”
“It’s not a lie.”
He shrugged lightly, smiling at me.
“Trust me.”
But I knew it was a lie.
‘…Or maybe I’ve had it wrong all along?’
[The beautiful monster fell in love again. It was such a true love that all his previous loves felt fake.]
[This time, the monster swore he would never repeat his past mistakes.]
[He decided to hide the fact that he was a monster from his new love completely.]
[Did his efforts work? The monster successfully married his new love without ever revealing his true self.]
