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Chapter 78
Beautiful
“Your Majesty the Queen.”
When Diana entered the room, the maids said nothing. Diana had to swallow down the shame that had risen all the way to her throat.
Her face flushed red. No matter how much she tried to appear calm, it was impossible. That in itself was another humiliation.
Why couldn’t she just take everything in stride? Giscard had told her—she only had to live as his wife for three years. If she could just endure those three years, it would be over. Having already experienced it once, she thought she wouldn’t be hurt again. But the human heart was far too fragile.
“The head chef and all of you worked hard… it’s a shame. What was made, you should eat among yourselves.”
At Diana’s words, the maids bowed their heads. In that moment, she thought about how much they must be mocking her. A fallen noblewoman from a ruined kingdom, showing off only to end up in this state. Not entirely untrue.
“So the knights really despise her. Serves her right for meddling.”
“She acted so stiff, and look at her now.”
“Exactly, why do something no one even asked you to do?”
In her past life, she had lived as though those words were constantly being spoken, so she could easily guess their thoughts now. It was as if she could actually hear them, and Diana covered her ears.
“My queen…”
“There’s nothing to concern yourself with. Leave.”
At Diana’s words, the maids glanced at each other, then left. Mabel, who had been following behind her, was nowhere in sight. Perhaps she had said something to her on the way back from the training grounds, but Diana had no desire to care where she went.
She sank weakly into a chair.
Lady Rubian.
Even in her past life, there were rumors. That the position of queen belonged to that woman. That Diana fell short in appearance, personality, and ability. Each time, Diana’s heart had pounded in fear.
I don’t need this position. Truly, I don’t.
But what if, because she didn’t need it, it was taken from her? What would become of her once she was cast aside as queen? The thought terrified her. Would she, too, be torn limb from limb? Beheaded?
At least now her situation was bearable. If Lady Rubian came forth as a replacement, she would almost welcome it.
Even so, the fear that haunted her each night crept back in again. Tonight, too, she would likely tremble and be unable to sleep.
Diana wiped away the tears that threatened to spill. If a maid came to check the fireplace and saw her crying, she would gossip to the others. That she couldn’t bear.
Outside, snow was falling. The winter wind rattled the windowpanes. Diana gazed beyond the glass at the ashen sky and forced herself into emptiness.
When Mabel asked if she wished to eat dinner, she refused. She wanted to see no one. What she needed was time to unravel and then fold away her dark thoughts.
No hollow comfort would help. Even if sincere, it would only crack her pride.
Time passed until it was time for bed. Though she wasn’t sleepy, she changed into her nightclothes and lay down. After a night’s rest, perhaps she would feel a little better.
Then, the door opened. The harsh sound split the silence of night. With a heavy thud, Diana rose.
“Who is it?”
She realized at once what a foolish question it was. Of course, it was Giscard.
His usually neat hair was disheveled, and the room chilled as though he had dragged in the winter wind.
“‘Who is it,’ you say. Who else but your husband could enter here?”
“….”
It wasn’t a question that required an answer, nor did she want to answer. Giscard looked at her as she rose from the bed.
“You don’t look to be in good spirits.”
Strangely, he could always sense her mood. Even back when, as a slave child, he had waited on her—it had been the same. Diana covered her face. She simply didn’t want to show it.
“I didn’t expect you to come.”
She chose different words instead. He let out a short, incredulous laugh.
“And why would it be strange for a husband to come to his wife’s chamber?”
She had nothing to say. In her past life, he had not come every night. Often, after lying with her, he would leave. Never before had it felt like he was simply coming home.
“No, there’s no problem.”
She looked at him without another word. If he wanted intimacy, she would accept. Her heart would feel wretched, but at least it would distract her from darker thoughts. She was startled by herself—using their union as a means of escape.
“Say something…”
Giscard’s voice broke the silence. He looked at the ceiling, exhaled deeply, then clenched his teeth as though steeling himself.
“So why did you go there?”
The training ground again. Diana met his eyes without answering. She knew exactly what he meant.
“Why go there only to hear such words said about you?”
She had been about to get angry, but the clear fury and displeasure written across his face snuffed out her emotions. She felt drained.
He was right.
“Yes, I shouldn’t have meddled.”
“….”
She had meddled. She had foolishly let Rogaful’s words sway her. She thought no one would say anything too unpleasant. Yet she had overheard outright slander.
“It was my mistake.”
She squeezed her eyes shut. From the start, her relationship with Giscard was not one of equals. She couldn’t fight or argue with him.
“I’ve shamed Your Majesty’s honor. I’m sorry.”
Her apology twisted his face even darker. His violet eyes flickered in the candlelight.
“Are you saying that on purpose?”
“….”
“Do you think I’d have nothing to say to that?”
“If you wish to punish me for this, I will accept it.”
“Diana Brienne!”
His hands gripped her shoulders tightly, and Diana’s eyes widened. When she turned her head, his burning gaze was fixed on her. But she was exhausted—too tired to continue this scene.
“What exactly are you trying to say?”
She looked at him. He seemed struck speechless. Had he not even thought about it himself? After a long pause, he stammered:
“I… I just hate it. I hate you being spoken of that way.”
Of course—no man would like his wife, whom he had taken, being insulted. It was a stain on his own face. Diana nodded.
“Do you mean… you don’t want me going anywhere, or meeting anyone?”
He did not answer. She realized she had gone too far. Did it sound like mockery?
“And if that’s the case?”
Was he wanting her shut away in some secluded women’s quarters, like in other lands?
“If that is what you wish… I will obey.”
Her weak words only made Giscard stare harder.
“Do you not know how to be angry?”
“….”
“Do you not know how to say no?”
Then what was she supposed to do? He pressed harder on her shoulders.
“I… ha… That’s not what I meant.”
With a sigh, he fell silent again. She spoke flatly:
“Then I’ll do well at the audience tomorrow.”
He looked up, startled by the sudden shift. She gave a bitter smile.
“I’ll play the role of wife well enough.”
He let out another sigh—then smirked faintly.
“You’re still cruel. Whether far away or here, it’s the same.”
He pulled his arm back from her shoulders. She herself was the one bruised and battered, yet Giscard looked even more weary.
“I’ve ordered the Barghatti knights to serve as your guards.”
“I don’t want that.”
At her first outright refusal, he raised his head in disbelief.
“You…”
“If Your Majesty commands it, I will obey. But—”
“….”
“Those who don’t see me as queen—what meaning is there in receiving them tomorrow as their queen? After being insulted so openly, how could I possibly entrust my protection to them?”
Her words left him speechless.
“…Do as you wish.”
He forced down the anger that simmered in his eyes. Diana nodded. After all, the royal knight order existed; they could act as her guards.
“Now, get some rest.”
She gasped as he suddenly laid her down. For a moment she thought he meant to touch her, but when she looked into his eyes, there was no lust. She closed her eyes, pretending sleep, though she doubted it would come.
“Anne.”
She debated opening her eyes. Her lips parted slightly at the sound of that name—her nickname. One she had never given him permission to use, stripped now of any worth.
“What those bastards said… it isn’t worth listening to.”
She wondered at it. It was, in its own way, his attempt at comfort. His breathing quickened faintly. His trembling hand brushed her bangs aside.
“Anne, you are beautiful.”
“….”
“Damnably so…”
Once more, he said it.
