TSHL 19

Chapter 19

With the gentle scent of coffee wafting through the air, I handed him a finished cup.
“Here. Try this. It’s a special ‘Cassia-style’ coffee.”
“Thanks.”

I had a warm tea, and he had an iced coffee. Together, we sat by the window-side table.
Beyond the table, the view of the countryside — golden waves of ripened rice fields — was breathtakingly beautiful.
For a while, we just sat there in silence, sipping our drinks, watching the scenery.

“It’s a nice gallery,” he said.
“Isn’t it? We’ve gained a few regulars who like the coffee, but it’s still quiet and peaceful…”

My voice trailed off as I looked around the gallery.
Breaking the soft silence, he spoke again.
“In this place, are you…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but I knew what he meant.
He was asking whether the pain of losing Diana had faded — whether I had finally moved on.

Had my pain truly lessened?
Was I no longer grieving?

“Well… I guess so.”
Thinking of Diana, I quietly looked back at my own heart.
“Maybe… I’d call it longing.”

That word felt right — it fit my heart perfectly.
I wasn’t mad with sorrow anymore, nor was I hurting to death because she was gone.
But I still missed her. I still wanted to see her.

Not every day — but sometimes, when I saw a bright blue sky, I’d wonder if she was doing well somewhere out there.
When I visited places we’d been together or ate food we used to enjoy, the memories would come flooding back.
Sometimes, I’d think — how nice it would be if Diana were here with me right now.

It was a bittersweet feeling, the kind that comes when someone revisits the places they once went with a lover after a breakup — the hollowness that creeps in.
That was what it was like for me too.
Each time, what filled my heart wasn’t pain — it was emptiness.
Like something had vanished, leaving only me behind.

I could feel Michael watching my expression as I sank into thought. I turned to him.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.”

He gave a faint, bitter smile and took a sip of his coffee.
“Sometimes I think… maybe you were the one who loved Diana the most.”

“Diana was someone everyone loved,” I replied softly, smiling faintly at the memory of her.
“It wasn’t just me. She was always adored, wherever she went.”

Some people are born carrying sunlight within them — glowing from the moment they arrive in the world.
Wherever they go, they become the center of attention, the protagonist of every room.
Diana was one of those people.
In society, her beauty lit up every gathering; in the duchy, she shone as a kind and gentle duchess.
To Ken and Nick, she was a warm mother. To her husband, a steadfast wife.

“Yes,” Michael said quietly, “she was always loved, no matter where she went.
Even in our family… Diana was such a lovely child. Like a beam of light.”

“Now that I think about it,” I said, “everyone in the Allison family was like that, really.”

There was something classically noble about the Allisons — a grace that seemed to run in their blood.
They had beauty, yes, but also dignity and warmth.
Their standing in society was strong, and people admired them deeply.
Everyone loved Diana and the rest of the family.

“You too, Michael… you were such a radiant person when you were young.”

He turned to look at me.
“…Was I?”
“Of course. You probably don’t remember, but you were so popular among the young ladies. You were…”

I stopped mid-sentence, feeling suddenly silly for gushing like that.
“Anyway… you really were. Just as dazzling as Diana in your youth.”

Michael looked at me quietly. Then, slowly, he said,
“So were you.”

“…What?”
“You too. You were always as radiant as Diana.”

I looked at him. That look in his eyes — I’d seen it before, back at the villa. A look that felt foreign, unfamiliar.
“You still are,” he said.

His gaze met mine directly.
“When we were young, I wanted to get close to you. But for some reason, you always avoided me.”
“I… didn’t avoid you.”
“Didn’t you? Was I imagining it?”
“…”

In truth, I had avoided him.
When I was very young, I’d liked him — quite a lot, actually.
And I couldn’t let anyone find out.
He felt like someone far beyond my reach — someone I shouldn’t dare to approach.
He matched so well with Diana, but whenever I faced him, I felt small, out of place.

It was a feeling I couldn’t let anyone see. Not him, not anyone.

Embarrassed, I took a sip of tea. Silence fell again.
Out of the corner of my eye, I could sense Michael smiling faintly as he looked at me.

Then, suddenly, he spoke.
“Cassia, there’s something you need to know.”

I looked at him. His expression had turned serious.
“The truth is, everyone who loved her — they’ve all found their own way forward now.”
“…”
“But you… you still seem trapped by her. What I mean is…”

His voice softened.
“It’s not good to hold on too tightly. You understand what I’m saying, right?”

I stared at him quietly.
It was a strange feeling — like he had seen right through me, struck the very core of something I’d kept hidden.

Michael met my gaze.
“If you still want to… say the word.”
“…”
“I can still erase your memories.”

Seven Years Ago

It must have been not long after the Allison family heard of my marriage to the Duke.
Late at night, Michael came to see me.

“Cassia, don’t do it.”

Hearing the urgent knocking, I opened the door — and there he was, standing outside with a desperate look on his face.

At that time, he was still grieving his younger sister’s death.
His eyes were filled with despair.

“If you go through with this marriage… your life will be ruined.”
“…Come inside, Michael.”

I let him in.

He didn’t need to explain why he was opposing the marriage so strongly.
Diana was gone — my marriage to her husband would seem, to anyone, like a cruel distortion of what was left between our families.
Even if it was for the sake of protecting the children, the Allison family couldn’t understand.

I wasn’t surprised to see Michael so distraught — it was unlike his usual calm self.
What startled me more was what he said next.

“I can use magic.”
“…What?”

I blinked in disbelief.
He glanced around before speaking again.

“It’s been years since it first awakened. But I never told anyone. I didn’t want the trouble. So I’ve never used it.”

At his words, a half-forgotten story about the Allison family surfaced in my mind.
Long ago, one of their ancestors had married a mage — an extremely rare union even then.
And ever since, though very rarely, a descendant would be born with magical power — maybe once in a hundred years.

Diana hadn’t had any such ability. And Michael had always seemed ordinary, quiet. I had assumed both siblings were normal.

“I can use magic related to memory, Cassia,” he said.

Michael knew well the bond between Diana and me.
He knew the rumors — that I’d coveted the duchess’s position, or loved my friend’s husband — were lies.
He didn’t know every detail behind Diana’s death, but he understood there were circumstances behind my marriage to the Duke.
That I did it to protect what Diana had cherished.

“I can erase your memories of her,” he said quietly.
“…”
“It’s cruel, but… she’s gone now. Forget her. Live for yourself. Please, don’t sacrifice yourself for my sister.”
“…”
“For my sake, if nothing else. Please.”

His voice broke.
He looked utterly lost — like someone watching a candle’s flame flicker out.

But to me, he looked like the one fading away. Like he could crumble at any second.

“How could I live with myself,” he said, “knowing you destroyed your life because of my sister?”
“…”
“I’d feel guilty. Terribly guilty — that you gave up everything for her. How could I ever face you again?”

I smiled softly and embraced him.
“I’ll be all right, Michael.”
“Don’t… don’t do this, Cassia.”
“You know what Diana meant to me. What we meant to each other. This is something I truly want to do — something I’ve chosen, knowing the cost.”
“…”
“So don’t try to stop me. If anything… turn away from me like the Count and Countess did. That way, my choice will have meaning.”

Michael’s body trembled, like he was standing on the edge of a cliff.
I didn’t let go.
I didn’t look at his face — I knew it would be cruel to see his pain.
Instead, I held him close, feeling his sorrow seep into me.

Losing Diana must have been agony for him — harder, even, than for me. She was his family.
I gently patted his back.
“I’m sad too, Michael. That Diana’s gone.”
“…”
“But we’ll each endure it in our own way. And this… this is how I want to endure it.”
“…It’s you being like this that makes me sad.”

His reply caught me off guard. I looked up, wide-eyed.
He slowly lifted his face from my shoulder, meeting my gaze.

“How can you turn your grief into something like this?”

And in that instant, I realized — the tears in his eyes weren’t for Diana. They were for me.

“It hurts enough that she’s gone,” he whispered, “but when I see you trying to take her place… I just want to die.”

I stared at him, stunned. Then he pulled me into his arms — as if to comfort me, to soothe me.

“Take care of yourself,” he said.
“…”
“And when you can finally leave that place someday… let’s meet again.”

My heart sank. I couldn’t speak — I just stood there, held in his arms.

That night, Michael cried for me.
He wept for the weight of my choice — for the life I had chosen to bear.

It was the only night he ever did.
And he was the only person who ever did.

I will never, ever forget that night.