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Chapter – 36
It wasn’t particularly surprising to think that someone who would bear the overwhelming responsibility of leading the empire’s people into the future could be chosen on the basis of something as flimsy as “love.”
And on top of that, under the lofty name of “love,” she didn’t particularly worry about what kind of person the crown princess—who would eventually become the empress—might be.
Whatever her personality was like, the crown prince was the protagonist of this world, after all.
If she could make the protagonist’s heart race, then even if she were a slave he’d met in a back alley, she would surely possess some kind of unmatched extraordinariness.
Because he’s the protagonist… that’s just how it is, probably?
But before all of that—
Asili recalled the moment just before the crown prince was about to make hot, close contact with the ground.
What blazed in the crown prince’s eyes as he stepped toward her must have been…
“…li? Asili.”
“Ah, sorry. I was lost in thought for a moment.”
Glancing down at the crown prince, Asili let out a long sigh.
“I hope I saw it wrong.”
“Saw what?”
“I’m not going to say yet. You know the saying—words become seeds.”
“You mean things happen as you say them?”
“Yeah. If I bring it up now and it actually happens, that would be the worst. I’ll think about it a bit more before I say—haaam.”
Cutting herself off with an enormous yawn that threatened to split her jaw, Asili didn’t seem bothered at all.
If anything, she rubbed her dry eyes with a slightly keyed-up expression.
“I think I’m tired because I pushed my body a little more than usual. Maybe today I’ll actually sleep.”
The shadows under her excited eyes had darkened so deeply they looked almost purple.
Ludwig brushed his fingers beneath her eye and nodded.
“Shall we go back.”
He didn’t need to say where. The word “home” surfaced and vanished in Asili’s mind before she could even register it.
Unaware of how naturally she had begun equating the Caliente ducal estate with “home,” Asili took Ludwig’s hand and walked with him.
A few days passed since the crown princess selection—disguised as a ducal consort selection—ended with unexpected results.
“This is bothering me.”
Asili lay sprawled on the sofa, her eyes narrowed like a flounder.
She hadn’t brushed off that brief, subtle change she’d sensed in the crown prince with a dismissive Could it be? No way?
Not that she took any active steps to solve it either.
Yesterday late afternoon—
Facing Ludwig, Asili laid out in detail the crown prince’s state that she’d sensed at the time.
‘The crown prince?’
‘Yeah. He was jealous.’
‘Jealous, huh.’
A deep crease formed between Asili’s brows.
‘It seemed like he was jealous because I chose you instead of him…. If someone were to give him even the slightest push, he’d probably fall in love.’
She hadn’t specified the target of the crown prince’s potential affection, but the only person standing in front of him at the time had been Asili.
A dry sandstorm blew through Ludwig’s equally dry gaze.
The idea that a simple push would send him falling in love was just a metaphor.
But Ludwig answered without mercy.
‘Then I should kick him.’
‘Aim for the solar plexus. Hard enough he can’t breathe.’
Asili was even more merciless.
‘He doesn’t seem to know what he’s feeling yet. It would be best if he just… never figures it out.’
They both knew, though neither said it aloud:
The human heart is like a sewing awl in a pocket.
You may not realize it’s there, but sooner or later the sharp tip will poke out.
Asili let out a long, weary sigh.
“Never mind that brat.”
Whatever feeling the crown prince harbored toward her—whether it was puppy love, a crush, or the possessiveness of a spoiled child—was a distant concern.
To Asili right now, the crown prince was the least of her problems.
“I’m dying. Really.”
Her muttered voice was thick with exhaustion.
She rubbed the dark—nearly bruised—shadows under her eyes with growing irritation.
“How many days has it been now?”
Sleepless nights.
Even when she did fall asleep like she was fainting, she repeatedly woke in cold sweat, gasping as if having a seizure.
One day, two days… she counted on her fingers only to realize ten weren’t enough, and sighed again.
Being unable to sleep was almost too obvious to bother mentioning.
“This is my limit.”
The words that slipped through her discolored lips brought her condition into harsh focus.
Her hands and feet tingled, her eye muscles twitched, and a constant ringing filled her ears.
Her breath came out pale between her parted lips.
Shivering, Asili stared blankly out the window.
She had thought it felt cold—
“Now it’s even raining.”
Just when she already wanted to cry.
As if to slap her on the cheek.
As if things weren’t gloomy enough, now heavy rain poured from a sky thick with black clouds.
Asili pushed away even the last thing Sebastian had forced her to do: eat.
Her appetite had always been small, but since arriving in this world, she hadn’t eaten properly even once.
She didn’t enjoy food; she only took a spoon or two at most, simply to avoid dying.
When she ate with Ludwig, she at least accepted whatever he fed her.
But she wasn’t with him all day…
She tapped the food with her spoon out of obligation, only to set it aside again.
Her mouth felt prickly, as if lined with thorns—she simply couldn’t swallow.
Asili slowly rose to her feet.
Pressing close to the rain-streaked window, she stared blankly outside.
She didn’t want to think about anything, yet her head was unbearably noisy.
Half-lowering her eyes, she sighed—
A flash of white exploded before her eyes.
—KR-RAAAAACK.
A deafening roar split the heavens and earth, making Asili’s shoulders jump violently.
Instinctively stepping back from the window, she stared at the dark sky with wide, startled eyes.
“What… what was that.”
She had expected thunder to follow lightning, but she hadn’t expected a sound so loud it tore at her ears.
With her heart pounding wildly, she pressed a hand to her chest.
“Asil—”
“Hrk!”
Once bitten twice shy.
Her nerves, frayed by the thunder, jolted again at the low voice that sounded beside her.
Ludwig pulled her trembling shoulders toward him, rubbing her back in slow, practiced motions.
A familiar touch.
Her heart, which had been trying to burst through her ribs, settled quickly.
“You weren’t sleeping after all. And also—”
His gaze flicked to the untouched food before returning to her.
Asili, fully aware of his silent concern, answered weakly.
“I did try to eat.”
Without a word, Ludwig guided her to the sofa.
“Coffee?”
“I didn’t drink any. I was foggy all day because of it.”
She’d once thought caffeine was the main reason she wasn’t sleeping, but clearly, that wasn’t the real cause.
They both knew the true reason, but neither voiced it.
When she reached for him, he took her hand and pulled her into his arms.
Face buried in his solid chest, Asili exhaled in slow, shallow breaths.
“Even if I fall asleep like this… I wake up right away.”
When he was with her, she fell asleep as easily as if she’d been hit with a tranquilizer dart.
But at some point—
She’d gasp awake with a choked, stifled cry, and the space beside her was always cold.
They say you can’t feel someone arriving, but you can always feel when they leave.
The warmth that had wrapped around her disappeared, leaving behind a cold that clawed into her chest.
That coldness turned into a formless sorrow that consumed her nights.
On those nights, how many times did she think—
I need you.
Ludwig.
I need you…
Yet Asili had never once run to his bedroom.
Nor had she cried to make him come.
She simply curled up and breathed through it.
A healthy person shouldn’t need someone beside them just to sleep.
This wasn’t about love—wanting to be together in a romantic sense.
It felt more like breathing.
Like air—like she would die without him by her side.
You couldn’t call that normal.
Asili didn’t want that.
She didn’t want to go mad in this world that had dragged her here without warning.
For Ludwig’s sake too—the man who held her together with all the strength he had.
But…
She had no idea how many more freezing nights with bloodshot eyes she would have to endure—
So in the end, Asili let her true feelings slip out.
“I’m scared.”
She wasn’t a three-year-old; she wasn’t scared of thunder.
Nor of the pitch-black night.
What she feared was—
Crushing loneliness.
“I don’t want to be alone.”
That was the truth.
She had never thought of herself as someone who feared loneliness, and before coming to this world, she’d even cherished the freedom of sprawled-out solitude.
But here…
“It’s strange. I never even liked it that much.”
She didn’t specify what she meant, but it was obvious she was talking about her old world.
“You know. There’s no one there for me.”
Her parents had passed long ago, and her remaining relatives were the kind she was better off without.
No friends she could rely on, no lover.
“My life wasn’t agonizing every single day, but… I also never really felt like I had a reason to live. Or felt happy.”
