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Chapter 80
The Male Lead is Obsessed with Proposing
74. When What’s Dark and Stagnant Begins to Flow
Senelia was upset with Benerucia for this very reason.
To be honest, she had thought he was angry with her.
It was Senelia who had lost her temper with Benerucia in the carriage and left, but if he had been worried about that, avoiding her would have been strange.
So Senelia ended up blaming herself for what had happened in the carriage.
Objectively speaking, Benerucia was someone who could cast her aside at any moment without regret.
Perhaps Senelia was the only one among his partners who had truly troubled him in this way.
With Lucalina, they shared mutual affection, and with Benerucia’s previous lovers before Senelia, he probably never paid much attention to their tantrums.
Moreover, Senelia and Benerucia’s relationship had started as part of Clifd’s scheme, and now Benerucia was aware of that.
So maybe… Benerucia didn’t want an easy romance either.
While he was avoiding her, this thought grew steadily within Senelia.
Senelia had no ability to gauge his true feelings without facing him directly.
She was not a positive or optimistic person.
It was natural for her worries to increase.
Yet Benerucia, by having his servant report on Senelia’s daily life, was somehow alleviating the frustration and anxiety of having to face her only in thoughts.
It was, truly, an infuriatingly petty act.
However, despite Senelia’s questions, Benerucia suddenly fell silent as if he were at a loss for words.
“If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine.”
So Senelia deliberately spoke more sharply.
“Well, what could Your Highness possibly be curious about? You must have heard everything through your servant. Whether I’m still acting like the Emperor’s dog.”
Calling herself the Emperor’s dog no longer fazed Senelia.
Eight years had passed.
It was more than enough time for her human shame and pride to erode.
The recent dream, where she relived being compared to Clifd’s dog…?
She had endured far worse than that over the years.
Clifd had no hesitation in treating Senelia as less than human, and this had intensified every time Benerucia showed care for Lucalina.
When Benerucia, unaware of anything, created his first scandal to test her…
Thinking up to that point, Senelia put down her utensils.
Her appetite dropped instantly.
That day, she finally understood what life was like for the lowest-class women abandoned in back alleys.
She had to watch it all day.
Even beasts lived better than them.
Clifd could have made Senelia live that life anytime.
It was a warning.
The Emperor made it seem like a relief that she could act like his dog in that way.
So calling herself a dog wasn’t difficult for Senelia at all.
“…Are you going to keep doing that?”
Benerucia seemed otherwise.
But his expression was completely cold.
“Then how am I supposed to think?”
Yet Senelia did not soften her expression.
Her irritation with Benerucia gradually transformed into something else.
It was sorrow.
The reason she could argue with him like this was simple.
She knew why he had sent Marianne to her.
Benerucia cared about Senelia.
If it weren’t for that fact, she wouldn’t have dared to speak a word to him.
Because then, she would have been worried about being abandoned by him.
He was always like that.
Even when he created scandals, even when he left for Lucalina’s sake, even when his aide Arante casually mentioned Lucalina in front of Senelia… at every moment, he never explained a single word to her.
It didn’t matter much to her how he handled things afterward.
Every time Benerucia remained silent, like now, countless “ends” occurred in Senelia’s mind.
Senelia didn’t know when he had started loving her, and he was someone with the power to treat her so.
So just imagining it felt like the end, and facing the possibility of reality, how could Senelia have done anything?
That was why his silence was utterly terrifying.
Was this the first or second time Benerucia had been monitoring her life, despite loving her?
Senelia had lived through all those moments, yet he must have been feeling relieved each time, and thinking of that made her chest tighten.
Senelia could never act like that.
“…Selly, don’t you understand me at all?”
A hint of hurt appeared on Benerucia’s face.
He had agonized countless times over what to do after Senelia left the carriage that day.
But Benerucia was merciful by nature, not inherently understanding.
That was simply how he was.
Benerucia was someone who received understanding, not someone who needed to extend it.
So his arrogance revealed his immediate irritation before all the days of deliberation could manifest.
Yet Benerucia himself could not remain unaffected.
How could Senelia think he would regard her as the Emperor’s dog?
Even if Senelia couldn’t fully trust his love, wasn’t this excessive mistrust?
A wave of hurt rose in Benerucia.
One felt sorrow, the other resentment.
A proper conversation was impossible.
“How should I know what Your Highness thinks?”
Senelia lowered her gaze, replying in her characteristically calm tone.
No hint of emotion could be sensed in her words.
Even though she now knew Benerucia loved her, she had never been someone to trouble him.
So she couldn’t freely question him; all she could do was observe him and infer.
Yet Benerucia, by avoiding her, made even that impossible.
So how could Senelia possibly understand him?
“It’s me who doesn’t know what to do with you, Selly.”
Benerucia disliked her tone.
She rarely expressed a word about her own feelings.
When she spoke in such a calm manner, he couldn’t even catch a trace of her emotions.
Senelia finally removed her hands from the table.
Her appetite had vanished entirely.
She didn’t even feel like asking why he tried to care for her while avoiding her.
At the table, only their wounded emotions clashed, and the conversation they were supposed to have had lost its essence.
“…Selly, what are you doing now?”
When Senelia stood up, Benerucia’s expression hardened further.
Even then, she maintained her calm tone.
“I’ll be at the townhouse for a while.”
Clatter.
“…Selly!”
Unlike the quiet, polite way Senelia rose, Benerucia stood abruptly, making a loud noise echo through the dining hall.
Of course, at this moment, no one cared about such trivialities.
“You said to inform Your Highness before leaving, so I’m just following that.”
“Do you think I truly told you to go to the townhouse?”
“Then do you intend to forbid me from going anywhere on my own?”
Sharp words flew between Senelia and Benerucia.
When she had called him, she hadn’t intended for this.
When he responded to her call, she had even hoped a little.
But everything had fallen apart, and the knot she wanted to untangle only got more entangled.
Benerucia strode toward her.
He grabbed her wrist, but she didn’t pull away, simply looking at him calmly.
“What will you do if I forbid you from going anywhere?”
His voice darkened instantly.
Senelia could not know.
The truth was, every time she tried to leave, he wanted to not just hold her but trap her in his presence.
Yet he hadn’t done so before because, even if not entirely, she had always been within his territory.
If she had rejected his proposal to the end, Benerucia couldn’t guarantee what he might have done.
So he hoped Senelia would relent here.
But Benerucia overlooked one thing: she understood her position better than anyone, and therefore hesitated nothing in throwing herself away.
“Then, do as Your Highness wishes.”
And now she knew this could also strike at Benerucia.
“If Your Highness intends to do as he pleases—what can I do about it?”
Senelia continued without smiling or crying.
“Then I’ll just have to behave nicely and prettily for Your Highness.”
For Benerucia, having control over Senelia’s life and death was nothing.
So if he desired, she had no choice but to comply and behave nicely.
Yet this was no different from the way Clifd had trampled Senelia.
The moment she realized this, Benerucia’s hand lost strength.
And just like that—Senelia pulled her hand free from his.
