🔊 TTS Settings
Chapter 21
Lauren finally collapsed from illness. After staying tense for so long and even being struck, it was no surprise. The imperial ball was coming up soon. This wasn’t the time to be lying in bed. Lauren tried to force herself up, but Aster pushed her gently back onto the bed.
“I’m sorry, Aster. You’re already busy enough…”
Lauren panted softly, her face flushed red. Aster frowned as he looked down at her. Her fever seemed high—small beads of sweat had formed on her forehead. Holding a damp cloth, he wiped her brow.
“You have nothing to apologize for.”
“But…”
“If you feel that sorry, then rest well and recover quickly.”
Instead of lighting the fireplace, Aster glanced at the clock sitting atop the flower-decorated mantel. Letty would be back soon. There were reports he needed to hear, so he couldn’t stay here forever. Besides, Lauren probably wouldn’t rest properly if he remained.
After giving Lauren one more look, Aster stood up. As he turned to leave, she caught the edge of his sleeve.
“Thank you.”
Lauren smiled faintly as she thanked him. Aster narrowed his eyes slightly, then smiled back. He brushed away the strands of hair stuck to her forehead. Unlike the rough, large hands accustomed to holding a sword, his touch was unexpectedly gentle.
“Rest, Lauren.”
Her sweat-soaked hair should have been unpleasant to touch, but Aster never lost his smile. Lauren quietly stared up at him before closing her eyes.
Whether from exhaustion or fever, she quickly fell asleep. After watching her sleeping face for a moment, Aster quietly left the room.
“Your Grace.”
Waiting outside the bedroom were Lize and Anna, Lauren’s attendants. Aster only briefly told them to take care of Lauren before leaving her quarters. Though he was technically another resident of the mansion, the two attendants would be more comforting to her than he would.
“We’ll report to you if her condition improves.”
Lize’s composed voice came from beyond the closing door. Instead of answering, Aster nodded. The heavy sound of the door shutting weighed on his chest.
Haa…
Letting out a deep breath, Aster headed toward his office.
Letty hadn’t returned yet, so the room was empty. The duke’s desk, where Lauren always sat working, stood deserted.
Was this desk always this large?
Aster approached it, running his fingers over the neatly organized surface. Once covered in stacks of paperwork, it had become spotless after Lauren started handling affairs. Aster smiled to himself.
He had thought he would graduate from the military academy and become an officer. Not once had he wanted to become a duke. Even when he first sat at this desk, it had never felt like his place.
Only anger, sorrow, and burden had weighed on his shoulders.
The burden remained. It never disappeared.
The duties of a duke—things he’d never properly learned—were difficult. Everyone called him “Your Grace,” yet all he wanted was to run away somewhere.
By imperial command, he had wandered battlefields. In some ways, he preferred that. The feeling of his mind becoming empty was strangely comforting. He wielded a sword simply to survive.
Though he earned the title of war hero, the dishonorable nickname butcher was something no one forgot.
Bracing himself against the desk, Aster lowered his head.
If he hadn’t returned home that day, his father would still be sitting here handling affairs, and his mother would still be tending flowers in the greenhouse while enjoying tea.
That would have been their life.
This seat would never have become his.
Grinding his teeth, Aster exhaled deeply.
Even if he imagined what ifs, nothing changed. The past couldn’t be altered. He desperately wished all of this were a dream, but the reality remained:
He was the duke.
A knock sounded.
Straightening, Aster answered shortly.
“I’ve returned, Your Grace.”
“Welcome back, Letty.”
Letty bowed his head. Aster watched him place a large bag down before moving to his designated long chair. When Aster sat heavily, Letty removed his hat and asked:
“Would you like some tea?”
“No.”
At the curt reply, Letty grinned.
“Well, my tea is more suited for battlefields anyway.”
Aster laughed despite himself at Letty’s self-deprecating joke.
Among everyone, Letty understood him best. They had studied together even before entering the military academy and treated each other without formality. Letty smiled with narrowed blue eyes, and Aster leaned back, returning the smile.
“How is Leonora?”
“She’s thrilled—she’s in her final year now. Apparently, she saw an article in the newspaper about your marriage and grilled me endlessly about what kind of person madam is.”
Remembering his younger sister’s lively voice, Letty chuckled.
Aster’s expression softened too as he recalled a little girl with braided red hair, tightly clutching her brother’s finger while almost flying through the duke’s manor hallways.
“She says she won’t come home this break. She’s too busy preparing for her graduation performance. They’re sending invitations. Would you like to attend?”
“I’m not sure… Even if I went…”
“She’d definitely be happy.”
“I’ll think about it.”
Letty nodded with a smile.
He had stayed beside Aster since around age ten. Because both of Letty’s parents worked for the ducal household, he had always taken his younger sister Leonora with him.
The former duchess, who had wanted a daughter, had adored Leonora.
It was also Aster’s mother who first recognized the girl’s talent.
Unable to let such talent go to waste, the former duchess sent Leonora to an arts academy. Even after the previous duke and duchess passed away and Aster inherited the title, support for Leonora continued.
Time passed, and Leonora was now close to graduation.
No matter how talented she was—or how much support she had—it couldn’t have been easy for a child to endure life at an academy alone.
“She’s been through a lot.”
“When the former duke and duchess passed away, she wanted to come home. Convincing her not to was difficult.”
Letty laughed aloud.
Aster smiled too, remembering the messy letter full of crossed-out mistakes from that time.
Leonora had always written beautifully on pretty stationery, asking after everyone and sharing stories. The letter she’d torn from a notebook was unique—before or after, she never wrote another like it.
That day had surely shocked even her, despite the distance.
Aster was about to call his aide but paused when he noticed Letty’s expression.
The blue eyes of the man who always smiled were deeply furrowed.
Even Aster, who had known him for years—from when Letty called him “young master” until “Your Grace”—rarely saw such a face.
What is Letty thinking right now?
Aster stared at him.
He had never cared much about others’ thoughts before.
That changed after meeting Lauren.
He gradually grew curious about what Lauren was thinking while reading documents, or smiling while discussing work with Letty.
Why she smiled.
Why she looked serious.
Those tiny things somehow felt important.
Without realizing it, he had begun studying other people’s faces too.
Calvin, frowning while smiling at him.
Jasmine, biting her lip while reporting profits from the dress shop.
Garnet, who hardly showed expressions even from childhood.
And now—
Letty’s stiff, thoughtful face.
“Letty…”
“Ah, come to think of it, I haven’t seen madam around.”
Letty interrupted.
By then, his usual cheerful smile had returned. He looked completely unaware he had cut off his superior.
Aster had been about to ask what he was thinking but decided it didn’t matter and answered instead.
“She’s down with a fever. Resting in her room.”
“Did you work her hard enough to make her sick?”
“No.”
Aster answered shortly, exhaling.
Even if he tried to stop her, Lauren was the type to do what she wanted.
And even the things she didn’t want to do but felt obligated to—
she faced them directly.
Most people would avoid unpleasant things or run away for a while.
Lauren never did.
She faced everything head-on.
That made her shine.
Bright enough that simply because of that, looking directly at her felt difficult.
Truly—
she was someone extraordinary, someone he could never imitate.
Lost in thought, Aster suddenly noticed a gaze on him and looked up.
Letty was staring, blue eyes narrowed.
“What?”
“Nothing. You were smiling, so I wondered if you were thinking about something pleasant.”
Smiling? Me?
Aster tilted his head.
For a moment, he wondered if Letty was teasing him.
But Letty had already gone back to reviewing the pile of reports that accumulated during his absence.
Aster rubbed his chin.
I was smiling…?
There was nothing worth smiling about.
If anything, he should have been irritated.
He exhaled quietly.
“…The report Garnet brought before. You still have it?”
“You never ordered me to burn it, so I kept it.”
Nodding, Aster stood.
He walked toward a bookshelf covering an entire wall.
Pulling out several books and placing them upside down, a heavy clunk echoed through the room.
A hidden compartment unlocked.
From the secret space, Aster retrieved a bundle of documents.
Before closing it again, he stared silently inside.
A secret place passed down from one duke to the next.
At first, he hadn’t even known it existed.
Aster had never been the heir.
So discovering things like this had required effort.
Even now, he didn’t know how many hidden spaces existed in this office.
That man would surely know.
But Aster had no desire to seek him out and stir up his thoughts.
His eyes drifted toward the empty desk.
For a moment, he imagined someone sitting there, reviewing documents.
His father.
A face he had long since forgotten.
Aster bit his lip hard.
Was it because no one sat there anymore?
Why did he keep getting sentimental?
At the military academy, the lesson repeated most often was to discard useless emotions.
He thought he had done well until now.
Thought he had forgotten.
Yet the shadows he believed buried kept surfacing unexpectedly.
Shaking his head sharply, he closed the hidden compartment.
He returned the books to their original positions, carried the bundle of documents back to his seat, and sat down.
What he needed to do now was not chase the shadows of the former duke.
Aster began reading the documents carefully—
one page at a time.
