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Chapter 33
While Cecilia was sighing in disbelief, Alexis calmly added,
“Or you could just strangle me.”
“Have you completely lost your mind?”
“Twelve times, sister. That’s how many times I’ve thrown you into the water. And that’s not all—”
His words cut off abruptly.
The man ground his teeth together and slowly opened and closed his eyes.
At last, the restored violet gaze burned sharply—silent yet overwhelming.
Like the eyes of a roaring beast in the depths of night.
Thanks to that, her insides were in complete turmoil, as if everything had been violently churned up and left oozing raw.
Her strength gave out. Her fingers finally slipped from his collar, and Cecilia tried to stand without even bothering to compose her expression.
“Don’t run away.”
Before one hand seized both of her wrists and forced her back down.
Still straddling him against her will, Cecilia swallowed yet another sigh.
When she lowered her head in resignation, her face ended up at the exact same angle as his beneath her.
She froze there, neither lowering nor lifting her head.
She just wanted to escape—this situation, this reality.
“Sister.”
“……”
“Cecilia Lucen.”
“……”
“Cecil.”
As if soothing a child, his voice gradually softened.
‘Ridiculous.’
Cecilia sneered inwardly, remaining rigid with her hands restrained.
Even as she felt the large thumb gently stroking the back of her hand.
Meanwhile, Alexis silently looked up at the woman looming over him.
Her golden eyes, shadowed by exhaustion, appeared almost sacred—and unfocused.
It was obvious she had shut down entirely, locking away her thoughts, forcing him to swallow yet another sigh.
Tap.
A drop of water slid from her hair to her face, from her face to her chin, and fell onto his cheek.
Like a tear.
Had his eyes not been so dry and golden, he might have mistaken it for her crying.
Alexis reached out and brushed her pale shoulder.
Even as magic quickly dried her clothes, she continued to stare down blankly.
“Sister.”
With a single motion, he pressed the nape of her neck and pulled her close.
So close their noses touched. Close enough that their lips nearly met.
Whether startled or flustered, her golden eyes widened instinctively.
Cecilia hurriedly planted her hands on the grass, trying to withstand the pressure of his body.
The excessive closeness seemed to drag her mind back into reality.
“What are you—”
“Shall I ask again? Why do you live like that?”
“Alex.”
“Why do you endure everything? What exactly is it that you lack?”
“Alex. Let go.”
Cecilia pushed desperately against the grass, a pitiful attempt to put distance between them.
Alexis ignored the meaningless resistance.
“You’re devastatingly beautiful, brilliant, socially flawless—and your parents are the two rulers of the Empire.”
“Alex.”
“Honestly, even if you acted like a tyrant, wouldn’t everyone just indulge you or bow down?”
She whispered, almost pleading.
“I said let go. Please.”
“Why do you keep enduring and enduring until you rot from the inside?”
“If I answer, will you let me go?”
At last, her gaze sharpened with cold clarity.
Alexis narrowed his eyes instead of answering, and Cecilia clenched her teeth.
“Let go already! How many times do I have to say it?!”
“Answer first.”
“…What the hell is wrong with you today? Isn’t it because I endure what you don’t? You’re the one going insane, and I’m the one bearing it all. If you hate that I endure things, then act normal!”
“Then don’t endure it.”
The blunt conclusion only fueled her anger.
Her struggle intensified, forcing Alexis to tighten his grip.
“You—!”
“Don’t endure it. Get angry. Be irritated. Rage. Hit. Kick. Why can’t you do something this simple? The things you can’t—!”
“Am I you?! Can I do whatever I want like you can?!”
“Then what’s the difference between us? You didn’t even get angry at that trash of a poem because of succession rights? Are they really that important?”
“Who said this was about succession?”
“Then what’s the difference between us?!”
“You’re real!”
The answer burst out like a scream.
It was so unexpected her head rang.
Whether she noticed his grip loosening or not, Cecilia snapped,
“Did I really have to spell it out for you?”
“….”
“You’re real, and I—!”
Her words cut off sharply.
Unsurprisingly, Cecilia’s face had gone deathly pale.
She looked utterly shaken by the truth she had dragged out herself.
She staggered backward in a panic. Alexis rose hastily as well, unable to steady himself.
“Cecilia Lucen” was not truly a Lucen by blood.
She was a complete outsider—someone who had to dye her hair every time.
The entire imperial family was certain she knew the truth.
Yet she had never once spoken of it.
Armand, Marisa, and Alexis had all respected her silence.
If she ever asks, I’ll answer honestly.
That was what they had resolved—while secretly being relieved she never brought it up.
So they buried it. Overlooked it.
Never imagining it would resurface like this.
“Sister.”
Cecilia covered her mouth and stepped back again.
Alexis rushed forward.
“…Sister.”
Another step.
“Please.”
Whether his plea reached her or not, she slowly lowered her hand.
Her heavy lashes blinked sluggishly.
For once, the woman who always acted so perfectly was showing everything.
A face that looked like it wanted to bite down hard on her tongue.
He had wanted her to be honest—desperately so.
Yet seeing her raw face made his heart feel like it was being torn apart.
Like someone carving his heart out with a blade.
He couldn’t find a single word to say.
“I’m sorry, but—”
Don’t apologize.
Before he could respond, Cecilia wiped her face once and twisted her lips.
A crooked smile settled on her beautiful mouth.
“…Could you give me some time?”
“Sister.”
“I don’t feel like talking right now. I might pour unfair emotions onto you.”
“Then pour them out. I’m fine—”
She frowned up at him, and Alexis looked back with desperate insistence.
“I really am fine.”
“I’m not.”
“…Alex. What do you think the difference is between an adult and a child?”
Since she wasn’t seeking an answer, he stayed silent.
Cecilia played with her hair, flipping a few strands over her shoulder.
“Thinking ahead—about how your words will affect someone, what kind of emotions or wounds they might leave behind. And choosing your words carefully.”
“But—”
“I’m not a child. I don’t want to hurt you. So let’s part here, alright?”
“Sister.”
“No matter who you are, there’s no reason for you to take on my negative emotions.”
She nodded and turned away sharply.
As if she were about to leave for good, Alexis panicked and grabbed her sleeve.
Blindly. Desperately.
What stopped Cecilia’s irritated retort was the expression on his face.
He looked like a puppy watching its owner walk away.
She was genuinely dumbfounded.
“That’s fine.”
“……”
“I’d actually be… truly happy.”
Alexis rambled, then fell silent briefly before continuing,
“Sister, as you know, I’m not weak. I won’t be hurt. I can accept everything. I’ll listen—willingly.”
“……”
“To every word you say.”
“Of course you would, Your Imperial Highness.”
Cecilia smiled brightly—she even bent her knees in a graceful curtsy.
The biting sarcasm forced Alexis to release her sleeve.
She turned away coldly.
Her retreating heels were painfully pale.
…All he could do was watch.
“Puppy.”
Ignoring the stabbing gaze at her back, Cecilia spoke as calmly as she could. There was no need to call her Alisha now—Alexis already knew.
“Puppy!”
This time she raised her voice, and the ungrateful dog that had vanished while its owner suffered came bounding over, barking cheerfully.
It trotted up, ears perked, asking to be scratched.
Though slightly annoyed, she complied.
Happy barks rang out.
“Let’s go back to the room.”
“Woof!”
Alisha barked and trotted ahead.
Just as Cecilia was about to follow, she turned back.
A hand reached from behind and gently spun her around.
“What now—!”
Her irritation faltered instantly.
Alexis was kneeling. One knee bent respectfully, he set her slippers at her feet.
His hands guided her feet in—gentle and warm, large enough to cradle her soles entirely.
She wiggled her toes unconsciously.
Even after finishing, he remained kneeling, head bowed, eyes fixed near her knees.
“I’m sorry for being rough today, sister.”
The apology was calm.
He was a man who never needed to apologize.
A man who should never apologize.
And yet—
“…Fine.”
“Then please go rest comfortably.”
She lifted his chin with her hand.
Her emotions hadn’t resolved—anger still throbbed painfully.
But seeing someone so noble bowing like this felt wrong.
She bit down hard.
Would it have been better if you were just a terrible person who didn’t even understand apology?
An undefinable feeling surged.
Like being torn apart.
Like sinking helplessly, drowning beyond recovery.
She stared down at his face.
Cool eyes, a straight nose, beautiful lips—perfect, like a painting.
She didn’t want to interpret the emotions that coexisted with her urge to slap him again.
“Don’t apologize to me.”
She said it firmly, then turned away.
Back in her room, Cecilia summoned superhuman strength to wash.
She collapsed onto the bed and didn’t wake until dawn.
Blue morning light seeped through her half-open eyes.
She blinked dully and tilted her head.
Alisha slept softly at the foot of the bed, her slippers neatly placed beside him.
And—
On the bedside table, a letter gleamed faintly.
More precisely, the Lucen seal stamped on the envelope scattered a subtle red glow.
She squeezed her eyes shut, knowing exactly who it was from.
The letter contained only two lines.
My beloved daughter.
Tomorrow at 9 a.m., let us share breakfast in the Blue Porcelain Room.
At the end was a graceful signature.
Marisa Lucen.
“The Blue Porcelain Room…”
Cecilia muttered darkly.
It was a warning of a difficult day.
Damn it.
