TCTR 48

Chapter 48

Ashid’s gaze flicked to me, then slid down to my hands and feet, now freed from their restraints.

“Even in a situation like this, that’s what you want to ask me?”

I pulled out a fever-reducing medicine and, without hesitation, forced it past his parted lips.
He obediently swallowed it.

Though some of the liquid trickled down the corner of his mouth, I pretended not to notice and turned my head away.

“What I meant was—why didn’t you leave?”

His voice was hoarse, each word deliberate.

“And on top of that, you even treated me after I was injured. I can’t fathom what you’re thinking.”

I said nothing, only looked down at him, then pulled the bandage tighter around his wound.

“Urgh.”

“Because.”

The snow that had piled on my body had melted, soaking me through.
I was drenched to the bone.

“Because if I left you like that, you would’ve died.”

“……”

His fever-bright blue eyes searched me, brimming with unspoken questions.

“That’s all there was to it. You looked like you’d die otherwise.”

At that, Ashid closed his eyes again.

‘……’

The sight of someone in pain—it always tore at my insides.
Seeing him wounded made my chest ache.

Cradling his head against me was an instinct more than anything.

“Why do you always have to get yourself hurt…”

My gaze lowered to his chest as I held him close. Broad, well-trained collarbones and chest muscles came into view.

Every time that sculpted body revealed itself, so perfectly matched to his beautiful face, I found it impossible to look away.
From the flawless curve of his clavicle to the muscles carved across him—he was like a work of the gods themselves.

No painter could capture such beauty, no matter how many nights they spent at the canvas.

He had never once been anything less than beautiful to me. That truth felt almost ridiculous now.

Noticing the bleeding had slowed, I placed my hand over the wound. Everywhere I touched, he was burning hot.

From afar, Ashid had always seemed like the sun itself, radiating warmth. But today, the fever made him hotter than ever.

“……”

The handsome crown prince—graceful, courteous, unfailingly kind to everyone, always drawing eyes wherever he went.

“A prince straight out of a fairy tale.”

There wasn’t a single flaw to be found.

“My childhood ideal, right here.”

I muttered the words to myself as I wiped the blood and grime from his body.

Back then, when no one had stayed by my side—when even in dreams I was always alone—what had love meant to that little girl?

Wasn’t it natural for her to yearn for something beautiful, the opposite of her harsh and brutal life?

Someone to stay beside her. Someone to smile at her. Someone who would do anything for her.

Hadn’t I once wished for such a person?

And though it was only through the tricks of magic, for a fleeting moment I thought I had found one.

From him, I felt a love I had never known before.

But I didn’t want to define this feeling for Ashid as love alone.
It was love, yes—but also admiration.

Longing for the man who possessed everything I never had.

Envy.

The truth slipped from me before I realized, startling even myself.

But if I had to choose someone worth envying—

“Ashid.”

It would be you.
Nothing more, nothing less.

Haa…

I thought I was fine, but after standing in the blizzard with an unhealed body, chills began racking me too.

‘What a foolish thing to do.’

In trying to save him, I’d only made myself sicker.

My legs trembled, and I slumped to the floor, pressing my face against the side of the bed.
Ashid still lay unconscious right in front of me.

‘Come to think of it… before I regressed, how was Ashid living?’

I sifted through fragments of stories I had heard before my regression.
Back then, I had been too busy running for my life, yet I’d still picked up all sorts of rumors.

‘Could it be… it’s this time right now?’

One particular memory flashed into my mind.

It had been around half a year into my life as a fugitive. A rumor that had shaken the empire to its core.

‘That the emperor had a hidden illegitimate child!’

I bit the words back before they slipped out.

Back then, tales had poured into my ears like torrential rain, and I had sent just as many spilling out into the world.

But none had stirred the empire as much as that one.

“Phew… I wonder if, when you wake, you’ll ask me again why I saved you.”

Yes—that rumor had been about this very man, that Ashid supposedly had a half-brother.

I recalled it vividly now.
And it had been anything but favorable.

Illegitimate children were never welcomed anywhere—let alone one born of the emperor.

In the end, the rumor was disproven, dismissed as nothing more than a malicious fabrication.

Still, it had been enough to set tongues wagging endlessly.

Moonlight streamed in, making his golden hair glimmer.
Unthinkingly, I reached out.

“…So soft.”

Strands of honey-blond slipped through my fingers like they were trying to escape.

I had never touched anyone like this before—anyone but Kishel.

These were hands rough with scars and calluses, bones crooked from too many breaks.

Hands I had always hated, because they were proof of my past.

“Though… I don’t hate them so much now.”

I wasn’t a child anymore.
Now, these hands were a symbol of strength—the power to protect myself.

That was when Ashid opened his eyes.

Startled, I snatched my hand away. Our gazes met head-on, just like when the magic had broken before.

Uh… the words slipped out before I could stop them.

“Are you all right?”

He didn’t answer.
Instead, his hand shot out, seizing my waist.

My weakened body was easily pulled where he wanted, collapsing onto the corner of the bed.

Thump.

The weight of his body pressing onto my back nearly smothered me.

“Haa…”

I turned my head slightly and met his flushed, fever-bright face.

“Who dares enter my chamber again…”

But in the next moment, the cloudiness left his blue eyes, sharpening back to their usual brilliance.

As if jolted by that clarity, Ashid squeezed his eyes shut and drew back from me.

“Hah… what in the world…”

Through the gaps in the hand raking down his face, his gaze found mine. His voice was low, unsteady.

“Why are you here?”

He remembered nothing of our earlier exchange.

“I went outside and found you collapsed—”

“So you’re saying you saved me?”

He tried to push himself up, but his arms gave out, and he fell back onto the bed.

Above me, a voice as cold as a blade fell.

“After all the people you’ve slaughtered, am I supposed to believe you saved me out of pure intentions?”

His words cut into me again, merciless.

What did I think, hearing that?

Ah. Ashid knew about my past.

I wondered briefly where he had learned it.

That was all.
Because by now, there was nothing left that could wound me further.

Click.

Ashid, having regained his senses, began changing clothes. I lay on the bed, watching.

“Cough, cough.”

The fit wracked me.
Ah—I should have just run.

He sat on the edge of the bed, brushing his fevered hand across my flushed face.

“I rather like people like you. It’s amusing—watching you struggle and flail.”

He exhaled deeply, then added,

“But it’s a shame you’re so difficult to handle.”

I tried to sit up at that, but he lightly pressed me back down.

“What exactly are you trying to say?”

At my question, his lips curved in a smile—so unhurried it was hard to believe this was a man with death etched into his body.

“If someone’s too difficult to handle, then you simply have to make them manageable.”

His hand trailed across my neck.
Not soft, not delicate—an unyielding touch.

‘He doesn’t even remember I saved him…’

The sight made my chest ache.

“Take it as advice. If you can’t handle someone you need, then you make it so you can. By whatever means necessary.”

There was only one vial of fever medicine left, so I gave it to Ashid. That meant none was left for me.

‘If this fever is only from the blizzard and not a seizure… then maybe that medicine would’ve worked for me too.’