TCTR 39

Chapter 39

Some time had passed since Eshduwa came to the duchy.

“Love?”

I moved the pen mechanically, my mind full of question marks.

Love? Me?

I covered my flushed face with both hands.

“I didn’t know how to… love like that.”

There haven’t been many people I’ve loved in my life.

My nanny, Kischel, Ilia.

My family — people I could call everything I had since childhood.

Other than them, I had never dared to feel that distant emotion called “love.”

“It’s different.”

But I realized that the love I felt for them and the feeling I had when I looked at Eshduwa were different.

“At that moment, I just wanted to have Eshduwa so badly…”

It wasn’t enough to say it was because of magic.

Maybe it was because I’d never been involved with the opposite sex even once in my life?

Or was it his false love that made me feel this way?

“No, you know that’s not true.”

I covered my face with my hands.

I liked his composure.

His soft voice.

The hand that gave warmth.

The slow blinking of his eyes, like he thought before speaking.

His considerate words and flawless attitude.

Just… everything about him was beautiful.

I wished it was just because I was dazzled by the appearance everyone admired.

The new feelings I experienced were more shocking than I thought, and I couldn’t escape the overwhelming aftermath.

Of course, until the work piled up right in front of me.

[It’s better for you to learn as much as you can while I can still teach you, Ina.]

“….”

Eshduwa, who had just become a duke like me, who was new at it, skillfully taught me many things, as if to show how different our lives as lifelong crown prince and newly-made duchess were.

When I asked him to take it easy, he said he couldn’t stay here forever and treated me harshly.

“But when I see you smile by my side… maybe it’s not so bad.”

Honestly, I thought there was nothing to learn.

The duties of a duke were something I had done to exhaustion since childhood.

“What should I do with this feeling I can’t be responsible for?”

Even worse, I had these feelings for a man under a spell of false love because of my magic.

If I could, I wanted to ask Eshduwa not how to do his work well, but how to handle this uncontrollable lump of emotions.

“But for now, I should just focus on work.”

I flipped through the documents Eshduwa had touched.

“His handwriting is pretty.”

I wondered who had taught Eshduwa to write.

I learned from my nanny.

I was curious for no particular reason.

“If I ask… would he tell me?”

I knew he wouldn’t refuse. Still, out of hesitation, I couldn’t bring myself to ask.

“It’s hard.”

I sat in my chair, knees pulled up and hugged.

The paper fluttered in my hands.

“It’s really hard.”

It was even harder because it wasn’t something I could end just by liking someone.

How long had I been staring at the beautifully penned letters?

“Ina.”

I couldn’t not recognize the owner of that footstep.

I looked up and called to him as he approached.

“Esh?”

“Are you very busy now?”

“Hmm… a little?”

“Still, I can’t avoid it today.”

I blinked, not understanding what he was saying.

“There’s a place I want you to come with me.”

“Where?”

He slowly scanned me once and reached out his hand gently.

“Won’t you yield to my stubbornness this time?”

Somehow, his demand was heavier and slower than usual.

But his touch tempted me so much, I barely noticed it and was drawn to him.

✦ ✦ ✦

Feeling my feet sink deep into the snow, I looked around.

Honestly, whether it was instinct or some “constraint,” I didn’t know why I immediately took his outstretched hand.

Anyway, it was true that I held Eshduwa’s hand.

Because of that, we were walking alone like this…

“Look at this, Inerea.”

He called me, so I turned my head.

Squinting against the cold breeze and brushing my hair back, I had to open my mouth in awe at the spectacular sight before me.

“Wow!”

“I found it during a walk alone.”

Eshduwa had brought me to a place where cyclamens bloom only in winter.

“Thanks to these trees surviving, the flowers aren’t buried in the snow.”

“A spectacle made by nature.”

Covering my mouth with my cold hand, I took in the vivid purple flowers nestled under the long row of trees.

I couldn’t take my eyes off that place for a long time.

“It’s beautiful.”

“Such scenery is rare.”

The whole world, pure white, began to darken as night fell.

Glancing sideways at Eshduwa, I fidgeted with the hand hidden beneath his shawl and spoke first.

“Esh.”

“Yes?”

“By the way, you said you went to war once, right?”

“Hmm, briefly when I was young.”

“How did you end up going? I heard you achieved great feats.”

A faint smile passed over his face.

He touched his lips and replied quietly.

“There were some circumstances. And the ‘great feats’… all exaggerated and lies. What noble would stand at the forefront of war wielding a sword?”

I studied him carefully.

“It was just giving some safe orders from behind. That’s all.”

“Circumstances? What circumstances?”

I smiled and asked, but he said nothing for a moment.

I waited, pretending not to notice until he spoke.

“The Emperor wanted me to go to war.”

His answer was more shocking than I thought.

“A concise wish and an order I couldn’t refuse.”

…Huh?

Are the Emperor and Crown Prince not on good terms?

That was good news for me, since I wanted to overthrow the Emperor. It would be great if Eshduwa could support me.

‘I should find out more.’

Even so, sending the only heir to war? I knew there was a lot of talk about that at the time.

When I opened my eyes slightly, he added more words.

“I’m glad you were raised with lots of love.”

But what followed left me speechless.

“I can tell by looking at you. The duke often talks about it.”

The happy feeling floating on a cloud dropped heavily in an instant.

“He said he was scared to let you outside because you were so precious. When I first heard that, I was quite surprised. Your father was known as a very cold man.”

I loved? I was precious?

“I’m really glad.”

“…”

“You were raised with your parents’ love without ever touching anything dirty. You even became a duke and got everything you could have.”

My fingertips twitched.

It felt like my heart was falling down far below.

“I’m glad the one I love grew up without knowing pain.”

Snow began to fall slowly on my body.

I felt like my face was cracking like thin paper tearing.

His outstretched hand enveloped me.

“I’ll make you happier.”

I rested my head against the broad chest surrounding me.

At that moment, I had no choice but to lean on the comfort his embrace gave me.

“I love everything about you.”

That sweet voice made me unable to imagine any hidden ulterior motives.

Grasping my painfully beating heart, I nodded.

I hoped no one could hear the pounding in my chest while I was in his arms.

Taking a deep breath to regain composure, I slowly pulled away from him.

“…Thank you.”

I didn’t know what expression I wore as I smiled.

What was this chill that pierced my heart?

I always heard such stories at the institution.

“Actually, I wondered what reaction you’d show if I came to the duchy hoping to peek into your childhood.”

“….”

“I was always curious how a duke, known for being cold to others, raised his daughter.”

I wished he would stop.

With those pretty lips, he pretended to be on my side but brought up the most painful story.

“I was a bit curious about how that cold face would relax at home. How would the duke change in front of those he loved?”

Though it was a fabricated emotion, you are cursed to love me forever.

I don’t want you to do this to me…

“Oh dear. You look upset. Yeah, he must have been a precious father to you. I was careless.”

It must be because of my selfishness.

‘I don’t want to hear such words from the one who loves me, from the one I love.’

I realized a moment too late that the grip of his hand had tightened.