TCHB 44

Chapter 44

I had never received a letter from Kiel. So this must be a letter he wrote but never gave me—his true feelings inside it.

I knew I shouldn’t read it without his permission, but curiosity got the better of me.

If I had received a letter before, I could have guessed its contents. But this letter had never been sent to me, and it was just there. I kept reaching for it.

Everything in this box had my name on it. Not just one thing—everything.

I was curious. Really curious. But I knew it was rude.

―Shu-ri! I’m curious too! Me too, me too!

“I haven’t even looked.”

I wanted to see it, but I didn’t.

I wasn’t too young to understand right from wrong, nor ignorant of manners. But somehow, I felt that if I looked, I could never turn back. I didn’t know why it felt irreversible.

I put the letter back in its place and went back to reading my own letters. Accidentally, I brushed against the nearby box. The letters inside fell out.

Now it looked like I wanted to see them on purpose! I had only touched them by mistake while putting them back. It felt meaningless.

“……This time, Shu-ri was found in the Habbrion Empire. Following traces on a small island, Alliend, was the right choice. But… meeting her in person is still a bit scary. Shu-ri might hate me, I guess……”

I was about to pick up a paper that wasn’t in an envelope when I noticed the writing. I had no idea what it meant. Then Lel’s voice echoed in my mind.

―Whoa, is this true love? He already knew everything but didn’t tell anyone because he was afraid of being hated! That’s amazing!

“……It’s not like that.”

If I didn’t like Kiel, I would have been very uncomfortable reading this secret investigation. Of course, he must have been worried and carefully searched for me, so I couldn’t say anything.

“I said I don’t like Kiel―.”

I liked him. I wanted to see him. I hoped he would come back soon. Why am I writing this here? Foolish me. I couldn’t say it aloud, and I couldn’t send all these letters, but I still had so much I wanted to say… I want to see him.

My cheeks burned hot. Very hot. Hot enough it felt like they could explode.

I held the letter, stunned. The words pressed firmly on the paper carried no lies.

It hit me suddenly. This isn’t fair! Shu-ri, you idiot! Why did you read it!

It felt like opening Pandora’s box.

I hadn’t picked it up to read like I was hypnotized…

After endless regrets, I heard a sound in the hallway. I quickly picked up the letters and put them back.

……It’s rude, but just this once, Kiel.

I used magic to copy the letters and moved the duplicates to my drawer.

The drawer already had books about black magic and herbalism. I had warned the servants not to touch them, so no one would see.

If anyone should worry, it’s Kiel—the young mage who’s learning magic.

“Shu-ri, sorry. Did you wait long? Lotte held me back, so I’m a bit late.”

“It’s fine, Prince.”

“This is your favorite tea, right?”

It felt like lilies were blooming around me. His gaze overflowed with affection and kindness.

Why hadn’t I noticed something so simple?

No, I hadn’t allowed myself to notice. I had already assumed Kiel wouldn’t like me.

The fact that he searched for me worriedly, wrote letters endlessly—it was proof that he did like me.

‘That’ Kiel Richard wouldn’t do that for anyone else.

“Shu-ri?”

“Yes? Ah, yes.”

“Are you feeling unwell? Your face is red, but you don’t have a fever, right?”

Look at him. Acting like a gentle, loyal puppy right in front of me.

“I feel a little off today. Can we leave now? We didn’t make an appointment anyway.”

Since Rachel was now confirmed as Kiel’s teacher, I had done what I needed. Now it was time to go home and read the copied letters.

I wanted to see everything I hadn’t read yet.

“Wait, shouldn’t you see the doctor first?”

“That’s not necessary……”

“Really? Shu-ri, I’m worried. Is it really okay?”

Don’t give me that pitiful look! Don’t tilt your head either! I’m just faking being sick. What will the doctor do?

I wanted to refuse firmly, but I couldn’t with Kiel.

I didn’t want to admit it, but in my head, I already accepted that I liked him. Still, I wouldn’t confess.

I’d pretend not to feel anything and try to erase these feelings.

It’s silly to copy letters because of that, but whatever.

“We have a doctor in my family, so don’t worry. Let’s go.”

I refused politely. Kiel looked disappointed, wishing I would see a doctor, but I ignored him.

I was faking being sick.

“Mm. But if you feel unwell, get checked. Okay?”

I nodded quickly at his worried gaze. My face and ears were the only parts burning red.

“Ah! Lotte!”

I had forgotten her after being absorbed in the letters and Kiel! She cried as soon as she saw me earlier, and I felt my chest tighten.

I had been so busy with black magic and other things after returning to the Count’s house that I’d forgotten her. I hadn’t even planned to return to the Count’s house at first.

This meeting had been sudden, and leaving home would be sudden too. I worried.

―Shu-ri! Shu-ri! Haven’t you read the letters yet? I’m curious!

I shook off my wandering thoughts and entered my room. I opened the drawer. There were many copied letters.

Even reading just one earlier, I could feel the feelings inside them.

Kiel… Kiel Richard definitely liked me.

Just thinking that made my heart pound. The heat on my face felt like it could burst.

I picked the closest letter. Took a deep breath. Steeled my heart.

I reminded myself I had to suppress my feelings for Kiel. Some might say I shouldn’t even read them.

True.

But I wanted to see his hidden feelings, even if I would regret it.

Dear Shu-ri,

I’m writing even though it will never reach you. Ha. I already know where you are, but I wonder if leaving only a note was my fault and I couldn’t find you. So I’m writing here what I can’t send.

Was that a misunderstanding? Not really. I had been tricked by Ventus, and the main players were Kiel and Lotte.

I still feel angry. If Ventus ever comes back, I’ll hit him with my fist—for being annoying and making Lotte cry!

The rest of the letter asks about my well-being and complains that he misses me. He pressed his heart into it so much that one envelope had four pages.

My chest tingled. He had so much to say, and I could feel his care and heart.

One letter is enough. Two or three is already a lot.

The last page felt like a confession. He liked me and wanted me to come to him. It made me embarrassed but happy. I laughed quietly. I pictured him writing it.

―Ugh, Lel, I can’t read this cheesy stuff!

“Lel, be quiet.”

I put the letter back and opened the next one. The contents were similar—mostly that he missed me.

I hadn’t felt such raw, honest emotion in a long time.

By the time I finished the last letter, lunch had passed. My stomach was empty, but I was still blushing while reading.

What is this, a love letter? I’m not even in a relationship…

I knew Kiel liked me. Not just a crush. But that was all. It couldn’t go further.

I didn’t need to care about rivals or other original characters. But having to hide my feelings made me feel a little sorry for myself.

But what could I do? If I hadn’t twisted things, neither the Duke nor I would have survived.

Solving these sudden events is my job as the one who remembers everything.

“Phew.”

I burned the copied letters and my feelings along with them. …But why did I like Kiel in the first place? He always avoided me and rejected me.

I thought carefully about why I liked him.

It must be his face. His face drew me in. He was even kind to me sometimes… I think. Maybe.

I felt like my first love memory was being manipulated. Alone, I felt dizzy in my mind.

I shook my head hard and put those thoughts away. I burned the letters I had only read a few hours ago.

The letters burned beautifully, flames bright and strong.

I cleaned up the ashes and stretched. My gaze fell on my desk, and I felt like cold water had been poured on me.

The dreamlike time had vanished like a mirage. I accepted the distant reality.