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chapter 57
Now, the dizzying thoughts had completely vanished.
Not because there was a correct answer or a conclusion, but for the simplest reason: there was something they wanted to do right now.
The warmth from Yoonjae’s arms around her neck directed her scattered emotions toward one place.
Without either of them thinking first, their eyes closed completely when their lips met.
As if trying not to miss a single detail about each other, more vivid than sight itself, they embraced each other fully with their entire bodies.
The sweet lips they had tasted before now felt slightly rough.
There was a faint scent of alcohol, but strangely it wasn’t unpleasant; rather, it made the atmosphere feel even more intimate.
Breath mingled between parted lips, deep from within, intoxicated by the flow and the air.
Even as soft, tender tongues sought each other and explored each mouth, it didn’t feel unpleasant.
Rather, the subtle ticklishness and slick sensation sent shivers from their spines straight up to their heads.
“Mm…”
When she gently opened her eyes, Yoonjae’s eyelids had also lifted slightly, as if by a silent agreement.
Something unspoken passed between them, making her smile. Her lips curved faintly, and sensing it, he pulled them closer with one hand on the back of their heads.
“Uh… yeah.”
A sound escaped involuntarily as his grip tightened, and Yoonjae’s tongue moved gently inside their mouths, soothing and playful.
The sticky, moist contact constantly stimulated her mouth.
The ticklish sensation spread throughout her body, causing her to instinctively pull back, but his grip only strengthened. Tilting his chin slightly, he deepened the kiss.
“Uh.”
Her breath became slightly short.
The intensity of Yoonjae’s kiss made her toes curl and shoulders lift.
Occasionally, as his tongue brushed her palate, an involuntary sound escaped, but he didn’t let go.
“Ugh…”
Even though it didn’t hurt, she couldn’t stop making sounds.
It wasn’t coming from her lips so much as a strange noise lingering in her throat. She pressed into Yoonjae’s arms and swallowed the moans in her mouth.
Of course, some of the exchanged saliva wasn’t just hers, but knowing that didn’t bring any discomfort.
It was just that, even though it wasn’t the first kiss, it felt strangely intimate, and the ticklish sensation that had already spread through her body began to burn like a fever.
“Ah, ha… yes.”
She couldn’t stop the moans that kept slipping out. His hands stroked her side gently, like comforting a child, and it only made her more flushed.
She felt silly and overwhelmed by how unfamiliar her own reactions were, wanting more yet unable to retreat.
But the uncontrollable instinct craved more stimulation, and she traced his breath with her lips, which had begun to swell slightly.
“Ha…”
The warmth increased, and her breathing deepened.
Now, the desire they couldn’t satisfy alone seeped into both of them.
Their lips parted, and thin strands of saliva briefly connected before breaking. Then Yoonjae left their lips, exhaling shallowly, and kissed her cheeks and the corners of her eyes with gentle precision.
Smooch, smooch.
Making cute little sounds as he explored their pale skin, he approached the small hidden ear in her hair and nibbled lightly.
“Mm…!”
The stimulation, more intimate than a kiss, made her flinch. The wet sounds penetrated her ears, heightening her already rapid breathing.
Responding to the occasional sounds they made, Yoonjae naturally slipped his hand into her shirt.
Soft skin, delicate bones pressing against his fingertips.
“Hng.”
Intermittent, vulnerable moans, involuntary shivers with every touch—nothing about this moment was lacking, nothing was wasted.
Could it be so sweet and so lovely? After enduring for so long, the experience was so rich and satisfying that it seemed almost painful how much she savored it.
“Wait, uh… ah!”
When he let go of her lips, her chattering voice was delightful. Even her flustered movements, unsure of what to do with this unfamiliar feeling, were endearing.
Gradually, he pressed himself closer to her. Wherever she stepped back, the sofa—always a cozy refuge—caught them.
“…!”
Her body tilted as if about to fall backward, then lifted into the air.
As if she had wings, her body rose instantly and placed Yoonjae below her. Blinking her large eyes, she looked down at him, and he said:
“You don’t need anything else.”
“….”
“This is enough.”
A tender whisper, soothing every last tremor, comforted her after the long time she had suffered alone.
Tears threatened to spill, the embarrassing moisture held back so far seeming ready to run freely.
They were completely in Yoonjae’s embrace.
“So warm.”
So comforting was another’s embrace. There really was someone who could hold her completely like this.
He sat on the sofa with her against his broad chest, stroking her back.
And with the hand inside her shirt, he patted her bare skin.
As she became aware of his heated touch, she moved slightly away from her clingy position and blinked.
Meeting her innocent gaze, Yoonjae pressed her abdomen against his own and whispered:
“Shall we continue?”
“…Uh.”
“Shall we go further?”
His voice was alluring, tempting, like a villain offering a last chance.
‘I want to. I want it. Just a little more.’
The urge rose from deep within her, and she kissed him in a brief moment of temptation.
She wanted more, deeper. Her heart raced, her veins seemed to swell.
Clearly, her desire reached him as well, yet Yoonjae didn’t rush.
This moment, finally shared, was too precious to waste on fleeting desire. He lowered her shaking head to his shoulder, smoothing it gently.
“Let’s continue.”
So gentle, his voice made her heart feel like sugar.
“I’ll give you everything.”
At that moment, she realized clearly.
“…Yes.”
This man was the only person to whom she could finally reveal her heart, always hidden until now.
In the dark living room, where they hadn’t turned on the lights, they lay intertwined like one.
Like a child, they whispered quietly, pressed against Yoonjae’s broad chest.
“I’ve always lived like this. Adapting, finding the best way for each situation.”
She had run away.
Pretended to be proud and confident, but ultimately only tried to hide herself and escape situations she faced.
“Leaving Korea was the same. I wanted to escape because there was no way to heal the wounds I got here. I didn’t want anyone to see. I was tired of pretending nothing bothered me, of hearing what people said about me. Here…”
There was no one to comfort her.
That was what she had learned from birth to now: that in this world, you were alone.
She had reached the limit of maintaining dignity amid people who spoke of her without her consent.
She hugged Yoonjae’s waist.
“I liked beautiful things. Things everyone admired, cherished, and loved just for existing. I wanted that too.”
“….”
“So maybe that’s why. I wanted to love something too. To care, to feel joy just from seeing it, to treasure it.”
Her attempts to follow emotions she hadn’t learned coincided with her talent in ways she hadn’t expected.
“No one loves me.”
It wasn’t self-pity, but a long-standing realization.
They laughed softly, looking up at him.
“Even my fiancé abandoned me.”
She said it lightly, but the hurt lingered.
Though her engagement was more of an accident than a consideration of feelings, Yoonjae had ended the relationship on his own terms.
Even if it was meaningless, she had been caught in the sharp edge of circumstance.
He hadn’t known this, but slowly, he met her gaze.
“Sorry.”
And he apologized.
“It was my fault.”
Late, but sincere.
She lifted slightly, looking at him, and then cupped his cheek, asking:
“What can I call myself?”
“….”
“Gowoori, Joo Aejeong. I don’t even know what I am.”
The question wasn’t seeking an answer but more of a lament, starting from the core.
Who was she?
It wasn’t simply about a name, but about her existence, belonging nowhere.
Sensing her fear deeply, Yoonjae held her hand against his cheek and said:
“You.”
Their eyes widened.
“Just… you.”
Without hesitation, he answered firmly, continuing to prevent her from withdrawing:
“It’s not because you’re Gowoori or not Joo Aejeong that I love you.”
Yoonjae kissed her soft palm.
“It’s because it’s you.”
He wasn’t drawn by who she was or what she had.
Nothing else mattered.
Even the inexplicable facts didn’t matter. The answer was one.
Amidst the unreal confusion, the only reason he could trust her heart was simple:
“That’s all the reason I need to love you.”
The brilliant, beautiful eyes he loved had never changed, from beginning to now.
