STVS 05

~Chapter 05~

After that, my mother tried to treat me even better.

It was as if she had taken on some kind of duty, or as if she couldn’t bear it otherwise. She would force herself to act as if nothing had happened while desperately trying to do more for me.

“Dana, you’re back. Are you feeling alright? You’re still not fully recovered, so I was worried.”

“Today, Mrs. Po slaughtered a chicken and shared some with me. She was waiting so you and I could eat it together. Come, sit down.”

“Do you remember these marks? I used to mark your height every now and then. You used to sing about wanting to be taller than your mother… Should we make a mark this time too?”

Being showered with my mother’s endless affection made me feel both embarrassed and burdened. I knew the love wasn’t really for me, which made it even more complicated.

But I hid it, knowing that showing my feelings would upset her. At the same time, I sometimes wondered:

‘Where is the real Seodan, I wonder?’

It wasn’t like a novel where I felt another soul inside me, nor did it feel like my body had changed.

It was just a natural feeling, moving in my own body, with occasional thoughts like that.

‘Perhaps the real Seodan already…’

“Dana? Were you very tired? You don’t look well… Is something wrong? Your head isn’t hurting again, is it?”

I quickly pulled myself together and smiled.

“No, it’s nothing. I guess I was just a little tired because I had to be busy from morning.”

“I see. Do you want to lie down if you’re tired?”

“No! But, Mother, do you know what I bought today? Ta-da! Meat! Uncle Hwang gave me some money and told me to buy something delicious to share with you…”

That night, I spent a joyful time eating meat with my mother for the first time in a while.

The next day…

“Mother, I’ll—”

“Dana, wait a moment.”

I paused just as I was about to step outside. Unlike usual, my mother approached me holding something.

“Try this on.”

I looked at what she was holding. It was a neatly folded set of clothes.

“Your clothes are so worn out. I made you new ones little by little, and I finally finished them last night…”

“Ah…”

So that’s why she had been staying up late recently. I scratched my head awkwardly.

“Well, I’ll just get dirty anyway cleaning the toilets. I don’t really need to wear new clothes…”

“My child. No matter what work you do, you should always dress neatly. That way you won’t be disliked. Is there a rule that someone cleaning toilets can’t dress properly?”

“Well….”

“Go on, put it on.”

Unable to resist my mother’s insistence, I returned to my room. Once I quickly changed, my mother smiled softly, seemingly satisfied.

“It looks so good on you. Why didn’t you want to wear it? Does it fit well? I made it a bit roomy thinking you’d grow, I hope it’s okay.”

“It’s fine. It’s comfortable!”

“Really? That’s a relief. Then…”

She took a step closer and hugged me tightly.

“Go safely today, my little one.”

I held my breath in her warm embrace, closing my eyes as I heard her heartbeat close to my ear. Somehow, it made my chest ache a little.

Looking back now, I can tell a little about my past life…

I had no family.

To be exact, I had one, and then they disappeared. My parents divorced when I was very young.

In the end, my father gained custody, but it wasn’t because he wanted me. My mother, who had an affair, had already started a new family and declared she could never take me with her.

My father eventually left me in the care of my grandmother.

At first, he visited occasionally. Young as I was, I was happy even for those rare visits. I would nag my grandmother daily, asking, “When will Dad come again?”

But one day, he stopped coming.

I barely saw him again until my grandmother passed away.

“My father is getting remarried.”

He hadn’t appeared at the funeral but showed up to handle my grandmother’s estate. Taking a small amount of the property papers, he abruptly informed me like this.

I stared at him, seeing his face for the first time in a long while. His face was even more unfamiliar than I had imagined.

“You can manage on your own, right? This place will be rented out, so I hope you leave quickly.”

“…….”

“I hope we don’t have any more business.”

I felt something welling up in my throat. But I didn’t understand why or what this feeling was. I just suppressed my emotions and smiled weakly.

“Yes.”

I never saw my family again. I had thought about visiting my mother but gave up after that day. Somehow, I had a feeling that the same thing would repeat if I tried.

Then I finally realized the nature of the emotion I felt. It wasn’t anger, disappointment, sadness, or resignation.

It was probably… loneliness.

“Dana?”

But that was all in the past.

Now I have a family of my own. Even if it’s someone else’s family.

So I wanted to treat her well, too. To become her precious person, filling the place of the daughter she loved. Even though I wasn’t her real daughter, I wanted to be a true family member.

“Mm, it’s nothing.”

I smiled brightly.

“I like the new clothes. I’ll take good care of them.”

“You don’t need to worry about taking care of them. If they get worn, I’ll make new ones. Honestly, I wanted to make you a skirt too, but couldn’t…”

“It’s fine as it is. You can make the skirt when I grow bigger, right?”

“Right, we’ll do that.”

My mother and I smiled at each other. Noticing the sky getting brighter, we prepared to leave again.

“I’m going now. Mother, don’t overdo it, and please take care of your health.”

“When did you ever stop worrying about me?”

“Just in case. Now I’ll really go.”

I finally stepped outside, turning to my mother and calling loudly,

“Mother, thank you for the clothes!”

From afar, I could see her smiling.

That image stayed in my memory for a long time.

As soon as I arrived at the cow estate, the first thing I did was look for a place to change clothes.

Mother had told me to dress cleanly no matter where I was, but that was impossible. My work made it inevitable that my clothes would get dirty.

‘I need to take care of it.’

I didn’t want to soil the clothes my mother had so lovingly made.

As I looked for a suitable place, I heard a cry.

“Waaah…!”

I turned my head toward the sound and saw a small figure. A girl crouched at the corner of a building.

‘What’s going on?’

The girl, who looked young, wore clothes like those of the estate kids. Her chubby cheeks and puffy pigtails made her look cute.

But her eyes were red and swollen from crying, which made me feel a pang of sympathy. I spoke without thinking.

“What’s wrong?”

She looked up at me, then noticed me and opened her rabbit-like eyes wide.

“Bundong?”

Bundong (糞童).

A “poop child.” That’s what they called me, the kid who cleaned the excrement here.

“That’s right. Why are you crying so much?”

I nodded and smiled kindly. But my smile only made her scowl further.

“What do you care? Don’t talk to me because you stink!”

What a rude little brat.

But such a reaction was normal, or rather, expected. It wasn’t about me personally but my job as a ‘poop carrier.’

The job carried an awful smell, and most people avoided coming near me.

‘Still, being ignored feels awful.’

I clicked my tongue and said,

“Ah, okay… Then stay there and cry. I’ll go to work now, so you can stay or not, I don’t care…”

“Wait!”

Just as I turned to leave, the girl hurriedly called me back. When I glanced over, she timidly said,

“…It’ll be fine if you sit a bit apart.”

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you well.”

“…It’ll be okay…”

“Ah, I can’t get close because of the smell… Do you want to say it louder?”

“Just go away!”

And that’s how I learned her story.

Her name was Aso (阿霄).

She was a ‘Shibi,’ doing small tasks like laundry and cleaning.

She had been returning from laundry when a group of Shibi suddenly called her over and told her to take some medicine somewhere immediately.

“Where to?”

“To Sonangwon.”

I instinctively covered my mouth.

Sonangwon (小娘院)?

That was the residence of the precious child of the estate and the only villain of Cheonjujiwang, So Yeon-ri.