🔊 TTS Settings
Chapter : 40
You Get Trampled Like That.
“You’re too hard on yourself. Whenever I see you sinking deeper and deeper into helplessness.”
Benjamin spoke as if whispering.
“I get trampled like that, because of you, Charlotte.”
What Benjamin said was ambiguous.
Why is he saying something like this…
Charlophe rubbed the back of her neck. Cold sweat ran down.
Benjamin left his seat.
After that, the imperial physician came by.
She drank two bowls of decocted medicinal herbs. It was more bitter than grinding and drinking raw leaves.
“I’ve brewed good-quality ingredients. Please continue taking it as it is.”
Charlophe frowned at the bitterness.
“I always think this, but I really wonder what this is made of…”
“It’s medicine that restores your vitality.”
“I know it’s something I usually take when I catch a cold, but this one is especially harsh.”
“Things that are good for the body are bitter by nature.”
Aaron took the medicine bowl and handed Charlophe a sugar candy.
“Is there something weighing on your mind?”
Charlophe sat quietly with the candy in her mouth when Aaron asked.
“Someone told me I’m harsh, but I don’t know what I did to make them uneasy.”
“Your Majesty truly doesn’t realize it. I think I might, though.”
Aaron clicked his tongue lightly as he gathered the bowls.
“Please look back at those who watch over you. Then, Your Majesty, you’ll understand.”
The bedroom was silent. A warm fire burned in the hearth.
She brushed down her long hair and exhaled deeply. Warmth seeped deep into her chest.
It feels like I had a long dream.
Charlophe pressed her temples firmly.
“There’s nothing I can remember.”
She stretched her arms wide, loosening her stiff neck muscles.
As she leaned against the sofa, rubbing the back of her neck, someone knocked on the door.
“Your Majesty, your maternal grandfather has come from the Windsor estate.”
Charlophe pulled a shawl over her shoulders and told them to let him in.
“Have you eaten?”
“Yes. What time is it—are you all right?”
“Yes. There was nothing to worry about.”
Leandro swallowed quietly as he took in the herbal scent lingering in the bedroom.
“There isn’t anywhere you’re hurt—”
“As His Majesty already explained, I’m not injured. I think I just collapsed after getting caught in the rain. I only ended up making you worry.”
“Oh, don’t say it was nothing—what are you saying…?”
Leandro wrapped Charlophe in trembling arms.
“I don’t know how shocked I was when I heard this morning. Collapsing again because of the rain—why does this keep happening? You collapsed at the hunting grounds too. How could you worry me like this again?”
“Grandfather.”
“No. It’s fine. You’re not hurt, so it’s fine.”
They exchanged various pleasantries after that.
Leandro listened to bits and pieces of the story and gently stroked the back of Charlophe’s hand.
“If you were like your mother, you’d hate insects—were you all right?”
“Katarina handled it well, so I was fine.”
“It’s a relief we sent her to you. Knowing someone is by your side puts our minds at ease.”
“What about Uncle Aster?”
“He’s been especially busy with the New Year Festival.”
Afterward, Charlophe saw Leandro off.
She spent most of her time in the bedroom after that.
Staring at the chessboard, Charlophe tapped the table lightly. She moved the queen and tilted her head back.
What was it that I forgot?
Something slowly scattered away.
* * *
“Shall we bathe together?”
She suggested it because Benjamin looked as though he hadn’t slept for several nights.
“The imperial physician said soaking in warm water relaxes muscles and eases tension.”
“…You refused before, saying it went against palace etiquette.”
“You said old rules were outdated.”
The bitter scent unique to cigars clung to Benjamin.
He smokes when he gets sensitive.
Cigars were poisonous in their own way.
It was something she’d come to know naturally as they spent more time together.
He undid the buttons.
No words.
His eyes met hers. He closed them again and massaged the back of his neck.
A subtle, dangerous gleam seeped into his dark eyes.
“Then I’ll dismiss all the attendants.”
The head maid led the maids out.
“Come here.”
Benjamin looked down at Charlophe.
“You drive people mad.”
Mist rose from the bath.
Charlophe, dressed in a white negligee, stepped into the water.
The bathwater overflowed slightly. She glanced down and straightened her waist.
Soap bubbles floated softly. As she leaned back, arms wrapped around her waist.
“Was your waist always this slim?”
“Mm. It’s the same.”
“You’ve lost more weight.”
“It might just feel different in the water.”
Charlophe leaned into him and exhaled.
“Your arms too—so thin.”
“Were they?”
His arm brushed against her.
She swept her dark red hair to the side; it floated on the water’s surface.
“Why did you smoke?”
“Can you still smell it?”
“No. Now it’s just the perfume…”
“I thought it’d be gone.”
“It’s very faint—it’s gone.”
Benjamin cradled her head. Her long hair tangled around his hand like curling thistles.
“When I get sensitive, the people around me get tired.”
She already knew he kept his distance from her when he smoked.
“When you smell of cigars, don’t come close to me, Charlotte.”
She rested her head on his shoulder.
What did they talk about after that?
The soft conversation continued.
Her grandfather had come early, and she felt sorry for worrying him.
Aaron had prepared bitter medicine, but perhaps because she remembered taking it as a child, it hadn’t been unbearable.
Trivial things stretched on and on.
“….”
Feeling the hand stroking her hair, Charlophe fell asleep.
* * *
“Your mother—yes, ah… she knelt and begged. Begged to be allowed to raise you. Seeing that upright woman rub her hands together in desperation—I felt fulfilled for the first time.”
“Why… why…”
“I kept you around just to see that sight again, but now it’s not even entertaining.”
These were fragments of the past, buried beyond memories of a previous life.
They were words spoken by her father as he trampled her mother’s grave.
Drunk and soaked in alcohol, he was half-mad.
“From now on, Chloe is your mother. Forget the dead woman. Live quietly like before. Don’t let your breathing be heard.”
“Why would that woman—!”
Mom. Why did you leave only me in a place like this? Why only me?
“How dare you speak back! From now on, you will serve that woman as your mother. Take even the portrait from that child! You caused all this because you couldn’t escape the shadow of your dead birth mother! Why did that bitch leave behind such a useless burden—”
“Stop it. Please… stop.”
“Move that woman’s grave as well. Get it out of this child’s sight!”
Her body felt like it was sinking, as if something were dragging her down underground.
The family dug up and moved her mother’s grave. Charlophe was powerless then, stripped of everything.
She could have escaped back then. After her mother died, she was nothing but a burden.
But she had nowhere to go after leaving the family.
Not even when she was sold off as a marriage commodity.
There was nowhere to go.
She believed that if she were abandoned even here, everything would end.
* * *
Benjamin stretched out his arm.
Her fragile frame fit against it. He stroked her long hair.
She buried her face at his neck.
Her natural scent wafted up—warm, like freshly baked bread. As if one bite would fill the body with richness.
Benjamin soothed her waist as she lay curled on her side.
Her body slowly relaxed. Muscles clenched with tension grew languid.
“Mmm.”
Her long hair slipped aside, exposing her nape.
Benjamin kissed it. His loosened breath brushed against her skin and scattered.
Her nightgown slipped loosely. He pulled it back up and tucked her in.
“Charlotte.”
He whispered softly.
“Time to wake up.”
“It’s hot…”
“Maybe the fire’s too high.”
Burying his face against her, he felt her steady heartbeat.
He kissed her shoulder. Short hair brushed softly.
His breath tickled her skin. He lightly bit down.
“Mmm.”
Charlophe let out a soft sound.
Even though morning dulled her senses, he slipped between them.
“The New Year Festival will proceed as planned. If it’s too much, you can just show your face briefly and leave.”
“I feel refreshed.”
“You seem better now.”
Benjamin cupped her cheek with the back of his hand.
“I’ll tell the head maid. Stop sleeping now—if you sleep any longer, you’ll toss and turn tonight.”
The white blanket slipped down as Charlophe tilted her head back.
Her pale cheeks were clear and unblemished.
Her long hair spilled in gentle waves.
The low fever from her cold had faded.
“When the head maid comes, just dress lightly and come outside. The sunlight’s nice. It feels like a good day for a short walk.”
As he left the bedroom, attendants handed him his coat.
Benjamin slipped his arms into it and signaled the head maid.
She quickly assessed the situation and went inside.
“Your Majesty, did you cough?”
“Was anything unusual last night?”
“The strategist is waiting in your office.”
The attendants bowed their heads. Benjamin passed through them.
Lights flickered in the corridor.
The candleholders were spotless, without a trace of soot.
Careful hands were evident everywhere.
“Please come in. All aides are present.”
The door to the imperial office opened.
The advisors who had arrived at dawn rose from their seats. Benjamin waved them down and walked past.
The chill of early morning lingered.
He removed his jacket and entered. Roskella followed.
“How is Her Majesty the Empress?”
“She’s almost fully recovered.”
“This was her first time seeing a monster. Even for knights like us it’s fine, but for Her Majesty, extra care is needed.”
Benjamin tapped the table with his fingers.
“It bothers me.”
“What does?”
He slipped a quill between his fingers. The rhythmic movement stopped.
“Isn’t she too detached?”
“You mean Her Majesty? She’s always been rather detached.”
“It was her first encounter with a monster, yet she shows no concern for her own safety. It’s as if she’s shaved away all emotion—so calm it’s unsettling…”
She lingered in his thoughts. Benjamin pressed his brow.
You were always like that.
At the edge of his gaze, you stared into the distance, carving away each emotion. Even now.
“Where does that detachment come from?”
The question remained unanswered.
