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Chapter 44
“Did I hurt your feelings?”
At the sudden question, Litricia was at a loss for words and only opened and closed her mouth without saying anything.
Then, just before the silence became too awkward, she barely managed to force a smile.
“What are you talking about? There’s nothing for me to be upset about. Anyway, we’re really going to be late for the meeting at this rate. Let’s get up, Kilian.”
“Then why did you flee from me in such a hurry that you didn’t even realize your shoe had come off?”
But Kilian didn’t seem inclined to let the matter slide, so Litricia deliberately brightened her tone and pulled a random book from the shelf behind her.
“I-I wasn’t avoiding you. I just found this fairy tale book here recently and it was really fun, so I came back to read it again… Um. You don’t believe me, do you? But it’s true.”
“…….”
It sounded absurd, but she figured sounding a little silly was better than being too serious, so she kept babbling.
In doing so, she didn’t notice her bare foot, hidden beneath her skirt, sticking out as she turned halfway to pull out another book.
“Have you read this one, Kilian? Ah. Of course you have. Silly me, haha.”
At that moment, Kilian’s hand touched her foot. The cold touch sent a shiver up from her toes.
“Ah! Kilian, that’s dirty! Don’t touch it!”
“It’s not dirty. Marsha polishes the floor of this library several times a day. You said this is a place you visit often.”
“That’s not the issue. It’s still someone else’s foot…”
“Someone else? We’re married.”
Was he really that unfazed? Seeing Kilian holding her foot without a shred of hesitation, Litricia covered her face in embarrassment.
Meanwhile, Kilian lifted her foot onto his own shoe and set the shoe he had picked up beside her.
But it must have been awkward to put it on her with just one hand, so after glancing around, he fetched one of the small step ladders placed around the library for her and had her sit on it.
Thanks to the new height, Kilian was finally able to meet Litricia’s gaze directly.
“Now we’re finally at eye level.”
“The shoe… Please give it to me. I’ll put it on myself.”
“If that’s what you want.”
Kilian shrugged and neatly placed the shoe on the ladder step.
Litricia hurried to slip her foot into the shoe before Kilian could grab her foot again.
She was so rushed that she fumbled, and Kilian ended up holding the shoe to help her.
“Ah, thank you.”
“Litricia.”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry.”
Litricia, focused on getting her foot into the shoe, didn’t immediately understand what she had just heard.
“What I said in the office earlier—when I told you not to get involved because it was my business and didn’t concern you…”
Kilian, uncharacteristically hesitant, furrowed his brows deeply and reached for the shoelaces.
“I didn’t mean to push you away. That wasn’t the intent, haah…”
As he tightened the loosened laces, the tips of his fingers slowly turned red.
“I said that because… I was worried about you.”
“…You were worried about me?”
“Yes.”
Kilian let out a long sigh and pressed his fingers to his brow.
“You might find it unpleasant, but… I looked into how you were treated at the Esta household. It seems your time there wasn’t exactly pleasant.”
“Hmm.”
“So I didn’t want to drag you back into that mess because of me.”
He was afraid she’d get hurt again… Kilian added, lowering his forehead to rest against her knee.
“And I also didn’t like that Pyril was wasting time making an antidote to the Tetrad. That’s not why I brought him here.”
Yes, Kilian had brought Pyril to the Grand Duchy in the hopes that he would quickly develop a cure for Litricia.
But instead of the cure, Pyril had been working on something else entirely, and that was frustrating in its own right.
“So if you were hurt by what I said, I apologize. Whatever you thought I meant, that wasn’t it.”
“…….”
“Damn it. As you’ve probably noticed, people in this castle—Marsha and Gorten included—aren’t the most sensitive. Myself included. Especially me. I’m not even good with words.”
Kilian thought of the things he’d heard from Mark about what had happened between Litricia and the servants.
“Sometimes, things done with good intentions might still end up hurting you.”
“…….”
“But… please don’t hate us too much. It wasn’t out of malice.”
“Does ‘us’ include you too, Kilian?”
“…I’d like it to.”
Ugh. Kilian bit down on his molars, unsure if he really just said that.
It wasn’t even something outrageous, yet he felt strangely embarrassed.
“I’m not trying to force you. Regardless of my intentions, if my words hurt you, then it’s my fault. You’re free to hate me.”
“That’s true. Honestly… I was a little upset.”
As expected.
Kilian wanted to smack his own mouth for speaking so carelessly in the office just a few minutes ago.
“Ah, I really deserve to be hated, don’t I?”
He fell silent for a moment.
He used to think it didn’t matter how Litricia felt about him, as long as she stayed by his side.
But now, the thought of being genuinely hated by her made his chest feel tight and uneasy.
“I’m sorry. But since I’ve already done something to apologize for, let me revise my words.”
“…?”
“You’re free to hate me, but… please don’t do it for too long.”
“…….”
As the silence stretched, the nape of Kilian’s neck turned slightly red.
“I know I sound silly, but… could you say something? I’m feeling pretty awkward myself, going back and forth like this.”
“…….”
“Litricia?”
Kilian felt her body trembling slightly beneath him and instinctively lifted his head to look at her.
A thousand thoughts raced through his mind in an instant.
Is she crying? Is she more upset because I told her not to hate me? Is she so put off by how petty I’m being that she’s lost all affection for me?
What do I do now? Those kinds of thoughts—so unlike him—ran through Kilian’s head before everything went blank.
Litricia was laughing.
Bathed in the soft glow of the overhead light, it wasn’t a forced or fabricated smile—it was a genuine, joyful laugh.
‘So she can smile like that, too.’
Kilian felt as if he’d been struck on the back of the head.
He had seen her smile faintly before, but never like this—so pure and radiant. Not in either of his lives.
Litricia looked like she was wrapped in her pale pink hair, as if spring itself had taken form. Warm and sweet like cotton candy, he couldn’t look away.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Feeling Kilian’s gaze, Litricia touched her own face.
Only then did she realize she had been smiling. She quickly tried to compose her expression.
Just hearing that he’d said those things out of concern for her had instantly melted the tight knot in her chest.
It was strange how quickly her mood could shift based on Kilian’s words.
“I-It’s nothing. I just felt… relieved.”
“Did I say something wrong?”
Unaware of how Litricia’s heart was now fluttering for entirely different reasons, Kilian rested his cheek against her knee again with a low, pleased hum.
His sky-blue eyes, tinged with longing, searched her lips as if trying to find that vanished smile.
“Why’d you stop smiling? It looked nice.”
“D-Don’t tease me.”
Litricia quickly raised her hand to cover his face.
“Still… thank you for saying all that, Kilian.”
Behind her slender white fingers, Kilian’s brow creased visibly.
It was clear he had no idea what exactly she was thanking him for, and his raised eyebrows seemed to say, “What did I do now?”
“If you hadn’t opened up to me first, I might still be sulking and wondering if I’d overstepped or acted out of turn.”
“That would’ve been a terribly pointless worry.”
Kilian grasped the hand that had been blocking his face and pulled it down, narrowing his eyes.
“Since it’s come up, let’s make something perfectly clear, Litricia.”
“Yes?”
“Let me be clear—there’s no one in this castle who would ever think anything you do is unnecessary meddling.”
“…Really?”
“Really.”
Litricia fidgeted at the ticklish feeling inside, then suddenly noticed how freely Kilian had been moving his arm all this time.
Delicate motions like tying shoelaces… he’d been doing them with ease.
“…By the way, Kilian. I just got curious about something.”
“Hm?”
“Your arm. Since when has it been completely fine?”
“…….”
Caught off guard, Kilian awkwardly wrapped his arm around himself.
“…Ouch.”
“…That doesn’t work anymore, you know.”
