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Chapter : 21
Even If It Weren’t You
“Are you trying to seduce me?”
When he asked, Alperil shook her head in a panic. Even she didn’t know what had possessed her to say such a thing.
“Then is it torture?”
With a dry, rustling laugh, Terenzio muttered and turned away. Feeling something she couldn’t name, Alperil lowered her eyes again.
Just when she thought the young master would ignore her completely, he unexpectedly returned. He had gone to fetch a blanket from the bed. Only then did Alperil realize she was dressed in nothing but a light nightgown.
Bending down, Terenzio draped the blanket over her shoulders. They were so close, she could feel his breath on her skin.
Even after securing the blanket, Terenzio didn’t step away. He took Alperil’s hand. She flinched and tried to pull back, but he guided her toward the bed in the studio.
“Stay here tonight. It’s late.”
There was no hint of displeasure in his voice—not for barging into his room unannounced nor for the rudeness of it. Led by his hand, Alperil climbed onto the bed and nervously pulled the blanket up to her throat.
Terenzio watched her for a moment, then turned back to the desk where he’d been working. Only when his eyes were no longer on her was she able to breathe normally again.
“Are the only men who ever showed you a scrap of kindness the kind who demanded something from you in return?”
The cold question struck just as Alperil was finally beginning to calm down. Realizing how her actions must have seemed, she suddenly wanted nothing more than to disappear into a mouse hole.
“I…”
Terenzio didn’t press for a reply. He continued speaking with his back to her, his tone carrying far more emotion now than earlier when she could not read him at all.
“I’m not blaming you. My father was that sort of man—what right do I have to lecture you about anything…?”
Her heart plummeted. She had assumed Terenzio didn’t know the full story—he’d withdrawn from society years ago, after all—and she had hoped he never would. Maybe it had been foolish to think she could hide it.
“But no such… thing ever happened, my lord. Not once.”
Alperil managed to stammer. Whatever people thought, she wanted one truth to be clear: though she had been treated as the duke’s mistress, he had never laid a hand on her.
“I know.”
His voice was lower than anything she had ever heard from him. A stinging urge to cry surged up her throat. Feeling as if she had ruined everything, she tilted her eyes upward to force the tears back.
“Alpe, did something I did today make you uneasy?”
Still not looking her way, Terenzio asked. His voice carried a bitterness she couldn’t ignore. Alperil hurried to steady herself, desperate not to disappoint him any further—even if she had already failed.
“That’s not it at all. I’m always grateful for your kindness.”
“If that’s true, then you shouldn’t speak like that…”
He snapped his head around, ready to growl at the distant words she’d used—only to freeze when he saw her reddened eyes. His expression twisted at once. “Damn it,” he muttered, pushing to his feet.
“P-please, just answer one thing.”
Shrinking slightly from the intensity in the room, Alperil spoke as he approached. Her thin voice trembled pitiably. She needed to steady her spiraling thoughts.
“If someone else had shown up at the manor that day instead of me… would you have treated them the same way?”
If he answered yes—if the gentle man she knew said it made no difference—perhaps she could accept that.
But if he said no, even by the smallest chance… she felt she might never recover. The certainty that it would haunt her for years pressed painfully against her ribs.
Just as Alperil was finally lifting her head to look at him, something blocked her view—and then her world went dark.
“…”
Only when she heard the furious pounding of his heart did she realize she was in his arms.
Terenzio hugged the struggling Alperil tighter and didn’t let go. After a few weak attempts to break free, she too went still. Both of them knew there was no easier way forward.
Held in his arms, Alperil tilted her trapped head upward. Backlit, his face was hazy and indistinct. His lips moved.
“You’re right. So don’t read into it.”
It was the answer she’d been waiting for, yet she felt no joy. And facing a man who looked even more wretched than she felt, she couldn’t bring herself to show her disappointment. Her hands fell limply.
Unable to bear the desolate emptiness in Terenzio’s eyes, she looked away. A strange pressure squeezed her heart. His ash-gray gaze stayed fixed entirely on her.
“You know what I am—a filthy bastard son. I don’t know how to keep up appearances. I’m hopeless at manners. I’ve always spent time with whomever I pleased, and people say all sorts of things because of it.”
His voice weighed heavily on her ears. The steady thump of a heartbeat—whose, she couldn’t tell—dulled his words until they were barely a murmur. Alperil swallowed and hurried to speak as soon as he fell silent.
“Is that why I’m sitting on your bed right now?”
His arms loosened slightly. Terenzio gave her a weary little smile and nodded.
“Seems so.”
“And the dress you gave me—anyone could have taken it, not just me.”
“That’s right.”
The sharp-tongued man from moments ago had vanished. In his place was someone so fragile he might crumble at a touch. Alperil couldn’t bear to look at him anymore.
“Then let me ask again. You and His Grace the Archduke Leopold—you aren’t on good terms, are you?”
“No.”
“And you don’t have any particular friendships with other high-ranking nobles either.”
“That’s right. Why?”
His answers came readily—so readily she could have stopped copying music and still gotten them all. Alperil offered a quiet joke.
“I just wondered if someone might call you to account on my behalf someday. I’d rather not lose my head over this later.”
One corner of Terenzio’s mouth finally softened.
“Lucky you, having such an easygoing master.”
Now sleep. He brushed her hair and stood. If he gave her the bed, where was he planning to sleep? Something about it felt wrong, and Alperil peeked over the blanket.
“Should I… go then?”
“I told you to stay here tonight.”
“Then where will you sleep?”
Terenzio returned to his desk and dimmed the lamp, leaving just enough light not to disturb her rest.
“I’ll finish my work and sleep wherever. Don’t worry about me.”
At that moment, realization struck Alperil like lightning. How could she have been so blind? Seeing the shadows under his eyes day after day and never thinking twice—she wanted to slap herself.
“You haven’t been sleeping well, have you?”
His hand stilled over the lamp. Dead center. She remembered hearing that chronic pain often worsened at night.
“Is it because of the pain?”
“What? No. Of course not. I just have work to finish tonight.”
He denied it quickly, too quickly. Alperil looked like she might leap out of bed in worry. Terenzio turned toward her and repeated firmly:
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“No, this won’t do. Come here—just for tonight.”
“What?”
“Lie down. I’ll help you sleep.”
The surprise on his face slowly changed into something stranger, like he couldn’t decide how to respond to her earnest confidence.
To her, it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion. He had shown her endless kindness today—and instead of repaying it, she’d inconvenienced him late into the night. She wanted to help him however she could.
“How?”
“You’ll see once you lie down.”
A helpless smile tugged at his lips. Seeing his guard finally soften, Alperil pressed on.
“Come on. Rest is important if you want good work.”
“Alpe… why do you think I can’t sleep lately?”
“If not pain, then maybe nerves about your upcoming compositions? I’m sure they’ll be well received, so don’t wor—”
A short bark of laughter cut her off, as if he’d just heard something absurd. Covering his mouth, Terenzio traced a fingertip along the corner of his lips before asking quietly:
“You want me to fall asleep beside you.”
When Alperil nodded, he laughed again. “Right. Well then.”
Snuffing the lamp completely, he climbed into bed beside her without another second of hesitation.
The wide mattress dipped, and Alperil’s breath hitched—his presence felt so much heavier and closer than she’d imagined.
Terenzio’s steady breathing pressed against her ears from uncomfortably close by. She had planned to hum softly until he drifted off, but the charged air made it impossible to open her mouth.
She waited, thinking he might say something first, but silence filled the room. Blinking up at the ceiling, wondering what she could do, she suddenly noticed he wasn’t moving at all—unnaturally still.
“Are you asleep?”
She whispered. When there was no reply, she carefully turned toward him—only to find his face mere inches away. Startled at first, she soon softened.
How exhausted must he be, to fall asleep the moment tension let go? The faint rasp of his breathing was oddly soothing. Unable to resist, Alperil hesitantly reached out and brushed her fingertips along the bridge of his straight nose.
“Good night.”
As though speaking to someone awake, she murmured the warm words—and closed her own eyes.
