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~Chapter 40~
What Are You Afraid Of?
Inside the guild, the atmosphere was as rowdy as ever.
Although it was a time when everyone should have been asleep, the drinking party had only just reached its peak.
Standing behind the bar as usual, Mikhail skillfully prepared a cocktail and set it in front of the customer before him.
“Ah, drinks from a man taste bad.
Don’t you have a woman?
A pretty lady.”
Just as Mikhail was dealing with the completely drunk customer, another bartender entered behind the bar.
“Mikhail.
It’s time for the shift change.”
Though he spoke casually, the look in his eyes toward Mikhail was respectful.
After all, within this guild there was no one who dared to stand above Mikhail.
Mikhail left the bar and went up to the second floor.
The easygoing smile he had been wearing in front of the guests disappeared, and the gaze behind his glasses turned cold.
As if waiting for him, one of his subordinates approached and handed him some documents.
“These are the personal records of the person you asked us to investigate.
Since he’s a knight of Delmark, it took time to travel all the way to Delmark territory.”
“Good work.”
The subordinate bowed and left.
Mikhail flipped through the documents he had received.
They contained information about Caligo Elparind—the person Blair had requested an investigation into fifteen days ago.
[Shortly after birth, he was discovered abandoned in front of a temple by a priest and taken in, growing up in the orphanage within the temple.
He lived at the temple until around the age of thirteen, when, by order of Pope Gerard Lumiel, he joined the Delmark Knight Order.
Afterward, he participated in the war alongside the Duke of Delmark…]
As Mikhail read the documents with an expressionless face, his brow slowly furrowed.
‘Why did it have to be this person?’
Caligo Elparind was connected to someone Mikhail personally found rather unpleasant.
Could this really be a coincidence?
After finishing the report, he found himself curious.
Why Blair was investigating this man.
* * *
“A banquet?”
While strolling through the garden in the increasingly warm weather, Blair widened her eyes when Mason made an unexpected suggestion.
“Yes.
Since the previous Duchess passed away, there hasn’t been a single banquet held for the past ten years.”
“Ah…”
“Now that you seem to have adjusted to life in the ducal house, I wondered if you might consider hosting a banquet to welcome spring.”
A banquet was not simply a day for enjoyment.
It was a day when everything about the family was displayed to outsiders.
Not only their wealth, but also the atmosphere of the household, the relationship between the lord and lady of the house, and even the family’s influence within the empire based on the people attending.
It was truly a place where everything about the family was revealed.
In particular, the first banquet held after the lady of the house had changed carried even greater meaning.
It was also an occasion for the family’s retainers—not just outsiders—to observe and judge the new mistress they would be serving.
For Blair, that made it even more burdensome.
‘Come to think of it, in my previous life we also held a banquet around this time.’
When she had been a princess, she had never needed to prepare a banquet herself.
Blair’s personality was not the type to enjoy noisy parties in the first place, and major events like birthdays or coming-of-age ceremonies were prepared by the imperial family.
The princess never had to do anything.
After all, who would dare judge the imperial family’s wealth or criticize a princess based on the party she hosted?
Having grown up in that kind of world, Blair’s first experience preparing a banquet had inevitably been difficult and awkward.
‘And at that time… my health wasn’t good either.’
She had worried and struggled greatly to prepare that banquet.
But at that very banquet, Blair had accidentally overheard the household retainers speaking badly about her.
Their reasons varied.
Because the princess had foolishly spent too much money on the banquet.
Because she served white wine instead of red wine.
Because she hadn’t prepared a separate event for children.
Those words had mercilessly scratched at Blair’s heart.
More than being criticized for her efforts, the thought that she had embarrassed Heredin and harmed the reputation of Delmark had suffocated her.
But now she knew.
Even if the banquet were perfect, they would still find some excuse to criticize her.
What they disliked was not the banquet.
It was her—Katrina’s daughter of the imperial family.
So now she knew there was no need to be hurt by every word.
“For the past month, the household has run according to the budget you prepared.
So I believe you will also be able to prepare the banquet without difficulty.”
When Blair hesitated to answer, Mason assumed she was shrinking back out of timidity and praised her abilities.
Blair understood the meaning behind his blunt but sincere encouragement and replied calmly.
“Yes, it’s about time we held a banquet.”
Personally, she had regrets about the banquet in her previous life, so she wanted to do it properly this time.
“Please prepare the records from the past for reference.”
“I will make sure they are ready for you to review tomorrow.”
Just as Blair finished her conversation with Mason, the sound of quick footsteps approached.
It was Melly.
“My lady, Her Majesty the Grand Empress Dowager has summoned you.”
It was unexpected news.
* * *
“Still no news?”
The first thing Katrina asked when meeting her daughter privately for the first time since her marriage was whether she was pregnant.
It was nothing new to Blair.
Her mother had always been like that.
Blair answered calmly.
“No, not yet.”
“And you are sharing a bed regularly?”
“Yes.”
Katrina lifted her teacup, which had cooled slightly, and spoke.
“Men are foolish creatures who only see what’s right in front of them.
Only when there’s a child hanging around their neck do they learn fear and start behaving carefully.”
The subject of those words was Heredin.
Having lived twenty years as Katrina’s daughter, Blair knew her mother never said such things without reason.
Only then did curiosity arise.
What had the two of them talked about when they were left alone at Katrina’s birthday banquet?
“Did something happen?”
“I hear you’ve been meeting Countess Lorelline regularly lately.”
Blair, who had been lifting her teacup, paused.
She had never intended to hide the matter from the beginning.
She wasn’t doing anything wrong.
She was only trying to correct something that should have been addressed long ago.
But she hadn’t mentioned it because she knew it was an uncomfortable subject for Katrina.
“And you’re planning to try hypnosis as well?”
The fact that Katrina knew hypnosis hadn’t yet been attempted meant she even knew the progress of the counseling.
And to know that, she must have planted someone inside the ducal house.
“…You placed someone there?”
“Because I’m worried about you.
How do I know whether the Duke might mistreat you?”
Katrina made no effort to hide the fact that she had been spying on the ducal house.
Instead, she sounded proud.
Just as she always did, under the name of a mother’s love.
Because the sincerity in her eyes was genuine and unwavering, it hurt even more.
‘If you were truly so worried about your daughter, why did you leave her alone in the ducal house in my previous life, even after seeing how isolated she was?’
The old resentment protruded unexpectedly, like a chestnut burr hidden under blankets.
Blair suppressed her emotions as if swallowing that prickly burr.
After moistening her throat with tea, Katrina said,
“Go tell them you’ll stop.
Tell them you find it unpleasant that you’re being suspected like this.”
“I’m not suspecting you, Mother.
I’m simply reviewing the parts that felt questionable at the time.”
“You’re doubting the testimony I gave, aren’t you?”
Katrina’s voice gradually rose.
She closed her eyes tightly for a moment as if fed up.
“I’m tired of this.
It’s dreadful.
How long must I be haunted by the ghost of that crazy woman who died ten years ago?”
“Mother.”
“What will change if you dig into it now?
Will that dead woman come back to life?”
“….”
“She’s dead!
Driven mad by jealousy toward me, even to the point of taking nerve medication, and she died while taking out her anger on you.”
Blair quietly looked at Katrina, who shuddered even at the thought of Esmeralda.
She herself had spent her entire previous life being suspected by Heredin and the retainers of Delmark because of Esmeralda’s death.
Knowing that, she did not want to accuse Katrina carelessly.
Above all, she was afraid.
Afraid of suspecting her own mother.
Ten years ago, on that day, Katrina had personally gone to Gerard and asked for help.
A woman who never went to meet someone on her own had gone herself at such a late hour.
Only to save Blair.
From that incident, Blair had realized something.
Even though Ivan always came first, Katrina was still her mother.
If forced to choose between Ivan and Blair, she would abandon Blair without hesitation.
But the heart she showed that day when she tried to save her daughter had surely been genuine.
That was why, after that incident, Blair had clung even more to Katrina’s love.
Even so, Mother loves me.
She had relied on that hope and affection.
She had truly believed it.
No matter how much her mother treated her like a trophy, no matter if she used her daughter as a stepping stone for her son, surely she wouldn’t go so far as to use her daughter’s life.
But seeing how Katrina feared Blair recovering her memories, the suspicion she had ignored for so long finally sprouted.
“Mother.
If that is truly the truth… what are you so afraid of?”
In Katrina’s eyes, which met hers, several emotions were mixed together.
Anger, betrayal, surprise—and fear.
Reading those emotions, Blair added,
“Please stop trying to suppress me any longer, Mother.”
“….”
“If you truly considered me your daughter.”
Blair’s eyes, looking at Katrina, were filled with determination.
Along with a trace of sadness.
She was still afraid of what might lie beyond the veil of truth.
But this time, she had no intention of running away.
