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Chapter 87
In the darkness where light slept, a faint sliver of moonlight touched Pession.
The passing wind and the sounds of insects melted into the darkness. Amid the tranquil, holding-its-breath scenery, only a pair of unwavering eyes following mine stood out clearly.
“Y-you?”
Everything moved slowly.
“Why are you here?”
It was a moment as if time itself had stopped.
The only thing moving vividly in my sight was one person.
“I came to see you.”
“Even though you refused my audience request.”
“That’s…”
Long eyelashes lowered slightly. The shadow cast by them veiled the eyes, where clumsy, budding emotions lingered.
“…I was busy.”
His cheeks, kissed by the moonlight, were pale. If Pession seemed to be trembling somehow, was I imagining it?
“Liar.”
“I’m telling the truth.”
“I’m not buying it.”
“I’m still the Crown Prince, after all.”
Raising his gaze again, Pession spoke in a soft voice.
“It’s true. Because of the founding festival, I’ve been busy dealing with Your Majesty and the delegation.”
Still, my expression didn’t change. His long eyes drooped slightly.
“I didn’t even have time to go to Halbern.”
“….”
“You enjoyed not exercising while I wasn’t around, right?”
The faintly smiling voice sounded playful.
Pession subtly held my hand while observing me. From the warmth transmitted through our touching hands, dormant sensations awakened.
I almost let my expression break.
Even if I wanted to look away, I couldn’t ignore this glaring truth, and I quietly moaned inwardly.
“I’ll believe you. Just this once.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
His eyes gently closed. A sweet smile, as if it could melt, appeared on Pession’s lips.
Pession… had he always been this beautiful…?
I could feel my heart pounding violently and vividly.
Everything I saw, heard, and felt through touch was so unfamiliar, it felt as if I had returned to the very beginning—
The first time I met Pession.
“Arel.”
His doll-like delicate features remained striking even in the dark. His moist eyes reflected transparently, carrying a faint melancholy.
When our gazes met, Pession’s white cheeks blushed peachy pink as he shyly smiled.
Ah.
Beautiful.
Had my vocabulary ever felt so lacking, so frustrating?
Even though my feet felt as if submerged in water and my body seemed to sink, the beating of my heart was distinct.
“Beautiful.”
Did I really say it aloud?
“You’re truly so, so beautiful, Arel.”
Like someone enchanted, Pession admired me with a flushed, lovely face.
Who’s the really beautiful one here?
My heart trembled watching Pession shyly avert his gaze and grin mischievously.
He cautiously moved his hand, weaving his fingers between mine. Our entwined fingers were soft yet firm.
Suddenly, I realized.
It was different.
A feeling that neither the twins, nor Harun, nor Mehen, nor my father, nor the caretakers could give me.
Dizzy from this vast sensation slowly engulfing me like a swamp, I inadvertently frowned.
…I feel like crying.
I didn’t know why tears welled up. I just felt like crying.
“Arel, what’s wrong?”
Why are you so gentle?
Making me want to cry even more.
“Does it hurt anywhere?”
“Yeah. I think something hurts.”
Otherwise, this emotion made no sense.
The gaze that held me, the hand that touched me, the voice that spoke to me—everything was so wonderful I felt like dying.
I loved how Pession worried about me, my heart trembling with happiness.
This feeling of pleasure grew, gradually spreading its boundaries.
The emotion originating from Pession extended to the ground he stepped on, the sky that framed us, this garden, even the world itself.
Just because Pession existed, the world looked beautiful.
“Arelin, you’re acting strange today.”
I must be crazy.
“You’re really not sick, are you?”
This wouldn’t happen unless I were insane.
With a soft laugh, his forehead pressed against mine.
“I don’t have a fever.”
Pession pressed his own forehead to mine, grinning.
Conflicting impulses to run away and to throw myself into him with all my strength coexisted.
How did it come to this?
Why… why…?
The sudden realization felt closer to despair. I wanted to deny it, yet couldn’t.
A crushing sense of inferiority wrapped around me.
‘I wish I hadn’t known anything at all.’
If I hadn’t seen Chloe…
Vague regret flowed in, though I didn’t know at whom or at what it was directed.
That child was lovely.
You would come to like her too.
The despair I buried resurfaced as frustration.
You’ll leave me.
All of this—this relationship—is fleeting.
A sweet, fleeting, dreamlike moment.
Yet…
“Why.”
Compared to the vague fear that gripped me, the vivid sensation was a distant, brilliant ecstasy, like stars falling from the sky.
“Why do you have that expression?”
“Because you’re beautiful.”
“….”
“So dazzlingly beautiful, that…”
I couldn’t open my eyes.
Ah. I wanted something I couldn’t have again.
The only reason I hadn’t broken down crying was pride, ingrained as habit.
Even when I sensed the end, the defeat, I couldn’t let go, because I was weak.
“Pession.”
“Hm?”
“That day.”
Pession paused.
“Why did you run away?”
“….”
Reflexively, his expression stiffened; he moved his lips slightly, then pressed them firmly shut. His eyelashes trembled in unease.
“Did you see me hugging Harun?”
“Do you… like Harun?”
His gaze darkened.
“If Arelin… likes Harun…”
“If I like him, what?”
“….”
Pession pressed his lips shut tightly.
A strange joy spread through a corner of my heart as if the world had ended. I was completely done for.
Truly, completely done for.
“Relax your expression.”
I smoothed Pession’s furrowed brow with a smile.
“I just hugged him to check something.”
Life returned to Pession’s eyes.
“What did you check?”
“Something important.”
“What is it?”
“I won’t tell.”
“Then do it with me too.”
Pession, who suddenly changed his expression, pouted childishly.
“Hug me too. Hold me.”
“…Alright.”
“Are you really going to hug me?”
“Or should I hug you pretendly?”
Pession’s face instantly turned bright red—so cute. Honest, transparent emotions were lovable. I willingly hugged him.
Maybe because he was taller? Though I hugged him, it felt like I was the one being held.
“Did you kiss Harun?”
His voice was close. I bit my lip nervously.
“No.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Then anyone else?”
“No one.”
I heard him urgently inhale.
“Then will you do it with me?”
His trembling voice posed the question, and I frowned, moving away from Pession.
“No.”
Even holding him made my heart race; if a fish-brain like me had a heart attack, what would happen?
Pession slumped, lowering his head. The illusion of nonexistent ears and a tail drooping made me unconsciously smile.
“Later.”
“Huh? Huh?”
With a broken expression, Pession opened his eyes wide.
“Really? Really? Truly?!”
Seeing him cling with joy, I realized belatedly what I’d said and felt embarrassed.
Pession happily clung to me, and I felt happy too. Seriously smitten.
‘I shouldn’t like him this much.’
I tried to force a sense of urgency, but the floating feeling was like walking on clouds.
All of these emotions originating from one person felt so strange…
It was blissful.
“Arelin, shall we dance?”
So quietly, it was almost inaudible, yet faint music could be heard in the distance.
“Can you dance?”
“Of course.”
Seeing Pession boast that he could do anything with his body, I laughed.
“I’m not good at it.”
“It’s fine. I’m good, so…”
Since it was just the two of us, Pession led me, saying it didn’t matter if we made mistakes.
Placing my hand in his, following his guidance, I couldn’t help laughing.
Seeing me laugh, Pession laughed too. Each laugh felt like soap bubbles popping. The ticklish sensation swelled warmly.
A private ball under the moonlight.
Only the tiniest lights, like starlight, illuminated us. Amid the sparkling scenery, I sensed:
I would never forget this moment.
Until the moment I die. No, even after death.
