MHOW 19

Chapter 19

Ares seemed to notice her effort and paused for a moment, choosing his words carefully.
“Asking… it’s not just about whether a walk is okay, is it?”

Seeing that expression, Herina gathered her courage and spoke.
When she finally looked up from the gaze she had been avoiding, their eyes met instantly. Ares had been watching her all along.

“I came because I felt like you’ve been avoiding me. If I’m mistaken, that’s a relief, but if you really are avoiding me, I wanted to know whether I should pretend not to notice or still reach out. What should I do?”

Herina wanted to ask, looking into Ares’ jet-black pupils: Do you even know this feeling? Can you even name it?

“If you really are avoiding me, I can’t just pretend I don’t notice. Every time I go to the empty office, my eyes go to the sofa where you used to sit, and whenever I hear footsteps outside, I hope it might be yours. Whether it’s because I’ve grown used to it over the past few weeks or it’s just who I am, I wasn’t someone who shared things easily—but now I need you. Is that too much for you?”

Herina felt her resolve falter.
Yes, from the start, she had been nothing more than a necessity to him. What she felt briefly was just a strange agitation.

“I had similar thoughts too.”

Herina’s response visibly brightened Ares’ face.
“When you’re tired and come home, having you there, someone to share the burden with, just being in that space… it becomes familiar.”

Ares nodded.
“You’ve been a great support. For the first time in my life, I’ve experienced reliance.”

If this kid was starting to rely on her, it meant her plan to fully claim the Ducal House was working—but strangely, she didn’t feel purely happy.
No, she even felt disappointed that it was only about “reliance” and “need.”

“I’m glad. I feel proud that I performed my role as the Duchess well.”

Herina forced a smile and met his gaze. She had to keep her wits about her. This boy was just a tool to manage the Ducal House. She must be the one to stay beside the protagonist of her own world.

“Just like I said before, someday when you leave my side, I want to hold on to you as tightly as I can. Because I can’t imagine the Havinent House without you.”

Herina reassured herself, wiping away the confusion she had felt. Then she smiled at the boy who now relied on her exactly as she intended.

“I’m not avoiding you. I was just really busy.”

Ares smiled in relief. Herina, too, decided to cast aside her complex feelings and fully play her role. She was not a woman lost in the charms of a seventeen-year-old—she was the sole protagonist of this world.

From that day onward, Herina decided to define the emotions she had been confused by as nothing more than temporary drunken confusion.
Whether it was a twenty-four-year-old Ares or seventeen-year-old Ares didn’t matter.
Any Ares was just like a game quest to her—a means of survival and, at present, merely someone who would make her shine.

“Ares, I’ll be attending more social gatherings from now on.”

At her declaration, Ares, who had been reviewing documents, looked up in surprise.
“Didn’t you say you dislike that? That it’s childish and exhausting?”

“Now that I’m the Duchess, I can’t just sit here. Since you can’t attend, I’ll go and gather information myself.”

Part of that was true, part of it wasn’t.
Yes, she needed information—but not for Ares or the Ducal House; it was for herself. She intended to take note of recent businesses that interested the husbands of other Duchesses, state-led projects, and so on, all in her name.

“If you’re okay with it, I’m okay too. But don’t overdo it. Even without that information, the Havinent House is doing fine.”

Herina narrowed her eyes at his unsatisfactory answer.
“Do you expect the information I gather to be worthless?”

“No, it’s just that if you exhaust yourself obtaining it, that would be more of a loss for the Havinent House.”

Once again, he said something confusing, making her heart flutter.
Herina discreetly scratched at her chest and raised her voice.
“Don’t worry! I’ll take the easiest path. That said, I’ll need to use the Havinent House funds a bit. My reputation among noble ladies isn’t great, and while money can’t buy sincerity, it can win their favor. That’s okay, right?”

Ares smirked and nodded at her audacious tone.
“You’re asking without even telling me the amount? What if I end up selling the Ducal House?”

He answered casually while flipping through papers.
“If it’s used for your work, selling the Ducal House would still have a purpose. I don’t doubt your abilities—you’re the only person I can trust. Use as much as you need.”

It was a declaration of complete trust, and Herina froze, her emotions thrown off balance again.

“Ah, but I’m not saying literally sell the Ducal House. You’re also part of it, so it’s your property too. For reference, it’s hard to assign a real-world value to this Ducal residence…”

Once again, Ares’ cold rationality snapped her out of her emotional misunderstanding.

“Fine! Of course, I wouldn’t sell the house or have nowhere to sleep! I have a tea party today! I’ll eat lunch alone! Got it?!”

As she stomped out in frustration, Ares’ low laugh followed her out the door.
“Even a heap of scrap metal probably had a heart warmer than hers.”

Herina muttered indignantly.
“You’re not the only one who sees me as a necessity. To you, I’m just as necessary as I am to you—nothing more, nothing less!”

Watching Herina leave with a pout, Ares suddenly clutched his head as a sharp headache hit him.
“Ugh…!”

The pain was so intense he momentarily forgot to breathe.
“Herina… I…!”

Though his voice could not be heard, scenes that seventeen-year-old Ares could never have imagined flashed before him:

“Herina, do you have a dream?”
“I do… I want to be with you next year too. And you?”
“Until after that. As long as time allows, I want to stay with you.”

Herina’s smiling face, looking back at him, was so vivid it seemed tangible, making him forget even the splitting headache.

“Then promise me. No matter what happens, you won’t leave me. Promise me you won’t let go of my hand first.”
“I won’t let go. So you don’t leave me either.”

“I love you…”

Ares murmured as he slowly opened his eyes.
The gaze beneath his eyelids had deepened, more intense than before the pain.
“It wasn’t an exaggeration. Herina… now I know. The feelings I had for you can only be explained as love.”

Even though it wasn’t entirely his own feelings yet, just thinking of her made his heart ache warmly. Clenching and unclenching his fists a few times brought him back to normal.

“But you… never said you loved me.”

The future version of himself seemed to love her, but Herina had looked closer to necessity than love.
The plea, so urgent rather than affectionate, felt strange to him. Ares became curious: which version was the real one?

“I could have sworn we loved each other…”

But the brief image of her face held no love.

He couldn’t tell if it was his fleeting memory or the thoughts of twenty-four-year-old Ares.