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Prologue
I cannot see.
I am blind. I lived my entire life unable to see the world in front of me.
To someone like me, music was a dream I could experience without ever falling asleep.
There was music in the swaying reeds.
Music in the flowing stream.
I could hear music in everything around me.
When I was five years old, I watched my younger sibling drown while playing in the bathtub. The shock from that tragedy slowly took away my eyesight, and two years later I became completely blind.
But I got back on my feet. For seven years, I attended St. Augustine’s School, a segregated special school, where I learned braille and piano.
Besides piano, I also learned the clarinet, alto saxophone, trumpet, and organ. The child who had once fallen down prepared himself to stand again.
But heaven gave me another trial.
My mother died of cancer when I was fifteen, and my father passed away two years later. I was left completely alone in the world.
Still, hope means finding light even in pitch-black darkness.
For me, that light was music. And song.
Whenever I played the piano and sang, I could feel a seed deep inside my heart. That seed grew and grew until it finally bloomed into a flower.
Ranked No. 2 on Rolling Stone’s Greatest Singers list.
The Godfather of Soul Music.
A star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Recipient of the Kennedy Center Honors Lifetime Achievement Award.
Winner of the Polar Music Prize.
These were the things I achieved.
A blind Black orphan accomplished all of it with everything he had.
I never wanted to become famous. I only wanted to become great.
And in the end, I truly became great.
“Ray! You’re supposed to go on stage, so why are you drinking again?!”
Joe Adams, my manager of forty-five years, barged into the waiting room and started scolding me again.
“This is your 55th debut anniversary tour! Are you really going to show the audience a drunk version of yourself?”
I set down the bottle in my hand and spoke.
“Now that I finally escaped that damn heroin addiction, alcohol has started tormenting me instead. Yeah, you’re right.”
Joe adjusted my clothes for me since I couldn’t see.
“The audience is waiting. Carnegie Hall is completely packed. So many people came just to see you. You have everything, so why are you drunk every day?”
A twisted laugh escaped from deep inside me.
“Is that something you should say in front of a blind man?”
Joe immediately fell silent. I couldn’t see him, but he was probably making an awkward face, wondering how to fix the situation.
“No matter how much money I make, no matter how many beautiful women I’ve lived with, even after marrying twice, I can’t count the money I earned with my own eyes, and I can’t even see my wives’ faces.”
“Th-that’s…”
“Haha, I’m joking. Go get ready. I’ll head out soon.”
I heard scratching sounds. Joe was scratching his head again.
“Ray, you know you have to attend the award ceremony after this schedule, right? You’ll probably win again this time. Prepare a speech beforehand.”
“Alright.”
Joe hesitated for a moment before speaking carefully.
“And earlier… I didn’t mean it like that.”
I smiled faintly.
“I know.”
“Th-then I’ll go prepare things outside.”
“Joe.”
“Yes?”
“What does it mean to see?”
“……”
“What color clothes am I wearing right now?”
“……”
“I’m not mocking you. I’m genuinely curious.”
Joe hesitated before answering quietly.
“You’re wearing a black suit and a red shirt with silver embroidery on it. You look very handsome.”
Red and silver.
I vaguely remembered seeing colors like that when I was young. The memory was too old to remember clearly.
“I see. Alright.”
“Then I’ll be going.”
I heard him leave almost as if he were running away.
I turned toward where the mirror was and touched my clothes. It was a high-quality custom suit, and the fabric felt luxurious.
Standing in front of the mirror, I pretended to look at my reflection and gave a sad smile.
Well, I would need eyes to find any flaws.
Suddenly, the door burst open again and a staff member shouted.
“Ray! Stand by! You’re going up in 30 seconds!”
I turned toward the voice and slowly started walking. Through the long hallway, toward the place filled with people’s cheers and music.
My name is Ray Robinson.
A blind Black singer who became a legend in America.
The moment I appeared, deafening cheers exploded around me. People shouted in excitement for me. I was a successful Black man who had gained both wealth and fame.
But I could not see the people clapping and whistling for me.
No… I had never seen them even once.
Just once, I wanted to see them.
To see the sky, the ocean, and all the beauty of this world.
That was my lifelong wish.
But heaven never allowed it.
After waving toward the sound of the crowd, I was guided by the staff and seated in front of the piano.
I tilted my head upward toward the ceiling.
People who could see would probably see a ceiling above them, but to me, who could only imagine, I saw a blue sky.
The blue sky from the day my sibling died.
A bright blue sky with a few small clouds floating in it.
Just as I was about to place my hands on the piano keys and begin playing, I suddenly felt my body tilt to one side.
I desperately grabbed the piano keys to steady myself, causing loud, unpleasant sounds to ring out. Soon, I heard the panicked shouts of the staff.
“Ray! What’s wrong, Ray?!”
Ironically, those were the final sounds I ever heard in this world.
Ray Robinson, age 73.
Died from complications of liver disease during a tour concert.
Without fulfilling the one wish I desired most, I died just like that.
The light that was me, shining brighter than anyone else, was nothing more than a lump of ugly metal and fragile glass that shattered meaninglessly.
A light bulb trapped within its own light until the very end, unable to see anything around it before burning out and breaking.
That was the life of Ray Robinson.
Just as a river never fills itself before flowing into the sea,
I, too, leave this world carrying one unfulfilled emptiness.
I always wondered about the afterlife.
Even after death, will I still be unable to see?
Since it’s my first time going there, will I be able to find my way?
Will someone guide me?
At that moment, I heard music and singing from somewhere far away.
Maybe God was showing consideration for me.
The instant I turned my head toward the sound of the music, the entire world turned white.
It was the first color I had seen since the age of seven.
