ITAMHSNO 06

Chapter 6

Asiard would often look at me and smile as if he owned the whole world.

Then, like a habit, he would whisper,

“You truly are my everything.”

And I had sent that man away.

Because I couldn’t tell the difference between a dream and reality.

While I stayed locked inside my room for days, I kept thinking over everything until my head felt like it would burst.

The days I had believed were only a dream became more vivid as time passed, and I gradually began to believe that I was truly alive.

Every morning, Jenna knocked on my door and asked when I planned to get up. It all felt so painfully real.

I was even tired of asking her what today’s date was.

The date still pointed to a past that should never have existed, and I slowly realized I had to accept this reality.

And just as I began believing I might be able to change the future this time…

I started regretting that tea with Asiard.

Because I couldn’t tell a dream from reality, I had done something incredibly foolish.

I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake, even if it had only been a dream.

So I had driven away the man who loved me with all his heart.

The man who cherished me more than anyone else.

Now that I finally understood this was reality, I regretted that choice over and over again.

That was probably why I couldn’t find the motivation to do anything.

At least I hadn’t completely broken down crying.

I let my exhausted body sink back onto the bed and sighed.

“Jenna, tell Aunt I’m sorry. Say I’m not feeling well and won’t be able to come today.”

“But you’re perfectly fine! Why are you making me tell such an obvious lie?”

“If she finds out, I’m the one who’ll get scolded!”

Jenna protested boldly.

Well… she wasn’t wrong.

I just didn’t have the energy for anything.

I sighed again and waved my hand weakly.

“Then just tell her I refused to get up. I’ll take the blame.”

“Miss, what happened? Did things not work out with that handsome gentleman? Should I send him a message right now? I’ll ask him what could possibly be wrong with our beautiful young lady!”

More like my real sister than a servant, Jenna looked ready to storm off and confront Asiard herself.

Apparently, she thought he was the reason I looked so lifeless.

But she didn’t know.

The reason things hadn’t worked out wasn’t his fault.

It was mine.

Still lying down, I shook my head.

“No. It’s not because of him. I’m just… really tired.”

“Then is it because of the Count? Has he been bringing you invitation after invitation again?”

“Hm…? Oh… yes, I suppose.”

Father had?

I didn’t remember anything like that, but I wasn’t about to miss the chance to escape Jenna’s questions.

My vague answer only made her angrier.

“I swear, the Count doesn’t understand you at all! Your heart’s barely recovered from that heartbreak, yet he keeps bringing up His Highness the Crown Prince!”

“Yeah… I suppose you’re right.”

“Honestly! Did he think you wouldn’t notice they were invitations from noble families? Miss, don’t go to any of them! I’ll refuse as many as I can, so don’t worry about it!”

Jenna stomped her foot in frustration.

From what she said, while I had been lying in bed these past few days, Father had received invitations from several noble houses.

Apparently, they were all gatherings meant to give me opportunities to meet the Crown Prince.

Considering what Father used to be like, that wasn’t surprising.

But…

…Had Father brought me invitations like this before I returned to the past?

“This morning he brought something to your room too. It must’ve been another one. Really, don’t think about it. Just get some rest! The best cure for heartbreak is good food and plenty of sleep!”

“Mmm… thank you.”

As expected.

Brave Jenna.

Wonderful Jenna.

Completely convinced that her young lady was heartbroken, she rolled up her sleeves to defend me once again.

After handing my blanket back, Jenna walked over to the table piled high with invitations.

She immediately began sorting through them one by one.

“This one! I can already tell what it’s about!”

“And this one! Absolutely ridiculous!”

“And this—!”

Suddenly, she stopped.

I blinked at her from beneath my blanket.

“What is it, Jenna?”

She hadn’t just stopped talking.

She had frozen completely.

Holding one invitation in her hand, she slowly turned her head toward me.

She looked like someone who had just seen a ghost.

The confident expression vanished from her face as she slowly opened her mouth.

“M-Miss… this is…”

“Hm?”

“…It’s an invitation from Her Imperial Highness the Princess.”

A moment later…

Still wrapped tightly in my blanket…

I froze too.

* * *

This had happened once before.

In my previous life.

Was it right before my wedding?

Or just after society learned that Asiard and I were together?

At the time, I had been refusing every invitation to parties the Crown Prince was likely to attend.

Then an invitation arrived under Princess Delfina Hugh Libre’s name.

I could refuse every noble family.

But I couldn’t refuse an invitation from the Empire’s precious princess.

So I reluctantly attended.

And there…

I met the Crown Prince.

It wasn’t surprising that I never told Asiard what he had said.

The nonsense that man had spouted was simply too ridiculous to repeat.

Maybe…

That was where everything began.

That was when Asiard first started paying attention to the rumors spreading through high society.

After hearing that I had met the Crown Prince there, he casually asked me what we’d talked about.

But I never answered.

Because the Crown Prince had said things that were truly outrageous.

The real problem started after that.

Fourteen-year-old Delfina had fallen in love with my husband.

Delfina Hugh Libre was the Empire’s beloved princess, much younger than her older brother, the Crown Prince.

She had grown up loved by everyone.

She knew nothing except how to be adored.

To her, being loved was as natural as breathing.

I had no reason to dislike or hate her.

But after boldly declaring that she liked my husband, she kept sending me invitations.

Since I couldn’t refuse the Empire’s princess, I reluctantly visited the Imperial Palace.

And every single time, the Crown Prince was there as if it were only natural.

The princess would immediately run off to meet my husband, who worked at the palace.

“Duke Fontaine is just too perfect! Lady Fontaine, when I grow up, you’ll let me become his second wife, won’t you?”

Had she said that about a year after we got married?

I couldn’t tell if she was clever or simply oblivious.

Both siblings constantly turned my life upside down while smiling as though they had done nothing wrong.

As if I were the strange one for looking upset over a child’s words.

That wasn’t even the worst part.

Apparently, she had even hinted to my husband that I still had feelings for the Crown Prince.

Delfina believed everyone naturally adored her.

For the first time in her life, my husband rejected someone.

And as though trying to make up for that rejection, she became even more persistent as she grew older.

Rejecting the young princess had been one thing.

But since my husband couldn’t exactly stop her from wandering around her own home—the Imperial Palace—he endured endless stress.

Meanwhile, I grew increasingly resentful of both the Crown Prince and the Princess for constantly summoning me.

Yes.

That invitation.

It was supposed to arrive only after Asiard and I had publicly acknowledged our relationship.

So why…

Why had it come already?

I sighed and waved a hand at Jenna.

“Tell them I’ll attend. We don’t have a choice.”

“You aren’t even going to read it?”

“What’s the point? I have to go anyway.”

“I suppose that’s true…”

“Open it and just tell me the date. Let Aunt know as well.”

“Yes, Miss.”

Jenna reluctantly nodded before quietly leaving the room with the invitations.

Normally, I should have opened it myself and written a reply.

But right now…

I simply couldn’t be bothered.

If someone asked what I was so tired of…

The only answer I could give was…

Everything.

I’d decided to keep myself—the greatest danger—from Asiard so he wouldn’t suffer because of me anymore.

But…

I never imagined the side effects would be this severe.

I felt so empty that it wouldn’t have been strange if I burst into tears at any moment.

Just being apart from the man I loved made everyday life impossible.

How much harder must it have been for Asiard after I left him?

That thought brought back the image of him sitting alone in that dark, gloomy room.

Holding an unfamiliar bottle of medicine.

And smiling faintly as he whispered my name.

No…

No, that was only a dream.

My emotions darkened again.

I shook my head, forcing the thoughts away, and closed my eyes.

Maybe if I forced myself to sleep…

I’d stop thinking.

I pulled the blanket over my head.

I truly wished the world would simply end like this.

* * *

“Why have you been hiding in your room all this time?”

Nearly a month had passed.

Those were the first words Father said after seeing his daughter leave her room for the first time in almost an entire month.

The man who hadn’t once checked on me while I stayed locked inside.

The only thing he’d done was hand me invitations to events the Crown Prince might attend.

He spoke as though scolding a misbehaving child.

Without even looking at him, I let out a mocking laugh.

“So… you were curious after all.”

“Of course I was. My grown daughter has been acting like a child by locking herself in her room.”

“As you said, I’m already grown up, so you don’t need to worry about me. It’s not like you’ve ever cared before.”

“I am your father, Eloise.”

That line again.

The one I was so tired of hearing.

I gave a hollow laugh.

Your father?

So what?

I looked at him with disbelief.

“Father.

Please stop pretending to be a parent.

It doesn’t suit you.”

“How dare you speak to me like that?”