ISMCFC 12

Episode 12

After making that impulsive confession, I stood there helplessly, looking up into Hares’ eyes as he remained frozen, seemingly at a complete loss.

So this is what your eyes look like.

When you’re so overwhelmed with shock and confusion that you can hardly bear it.

I feel as though I’ve caught a glimpse of a side of Hares I’d never known before.

I had no idea what I should say to him, either.

So I simply stood there, desperately trying to gather my thoughts, which had become such a muddled mess that it felt as though my entire brain had been reduced to mush.

Because I like you. I don’t want you to see me as just a friend anymore.

That was what I wanted to tell him. I wanted to make him understand even more clearly.

But Hares looked even more shocked than I’d expected.

He was so utterly stunned that I didn’t dare say another word to him.

After making such a shocking declaration, I finally came to my senses a moment too late and drew in a sharp breath.

I’m insane.

But the words had already left my mouth. There was no taking them back.

There was nothing more I could do. Whether or not he accepted my feelings was entirely up to Hares now.

“…”

Hares stood there, looking as though he had absolutely no idea what to say. He closed and opened his eyes several times.

He couldn’t even hide how bewildered he was, as though he’d been betrayed.

So, at last, I somehow managed to move my feet, which had seemed completely stuck to the ground.

“…I-I’ll go first. I’m sorry.”

Apologizing for reasons I couldn’t even explain, I hurriedly backed away, babbling whatever came to mind as I tried to hide myself from him as much as possible.

There was nothing left in my head. I couldn’t even think straight.

“Ah…”

And Hares simply stood there, unable to say anything to me as I walked away first.

I hurried off as quickly as I could, desperate to escape my own humiliation.

Then I raised my hand to flag down a passing carriage for hire.

I couldn’t even remember how I’d managed to get home.

I’d actually gone and done something like that.

All I could do was clutch my hair and writhe in agony.

He’d already figured out that when I said I liked him, I meant I liked him as a man, hadn’t he?

That had been exactly why I’d confessed in the first place, but even so, I regretted it.

Even if only belatedly.

I’d always thought that our relationship would eventually come to an end someday.

I’d turned that thought over and over in my mind, vaguely reminding myself of it while spending countless hours wondering what the wisest course of action would be.

But feelings weren’t something I could summon or control whenever I wanted.

I hadn’t intended to bring our relationship to an end so impulsively.

But I’d already laid my cards on the table. Now, all that remained was…

Hares’ decision.

Thinking back to the utterly bewildered expression on his face, I couldn’t exactly expect a positive answer to come easily.

Perhaps, just as I’d thought before, he’d feel awkward but wouldn’t want to cut ties with me completely.

I knew how kind Hares could be to the people he considered his own.

So maybe he’d suggest that we keep being friends, while maintaining some distance.

Or perhaps he didn’t see me that way at all, but didn’t want to end our relationship, so he’d force himself to accept my feelings.

Which would I prefer?

The problem is that I simply can’t bring myself to imagine a positive outcome.

I buried my head in the bed and repeatedly pounded it against the mattress in anguish.

Once some time had passed, I began to feel embarrassed. About the whole situation, and about my own pathetic self.

“Haah.”

What was I supposed to do? I’d already gone and done it.

It had taken me a long time, too, to recognize these feelings and reach the point where I could make such a decision.

Honestly, who else did I have besides Hares? Even Sister Hares and Hares’ mother were people I’d come to know through my relationship with him.

Of course, I had friends other than Hares.

But my relationship with him had always been so close that I couldn’t really bare my heart to my other friends without reservations.

We were moderately close, moderately comfortable with each other.

Nothing like the bond I shared with Hares.

My entire social life is over.

I seriously wanted to die. Maybe I’d become the first person in the world to die of embarrassment.

I was thinking that as I listlessly burrowed into my bed when a knock at the door made me straighten up.

Could that be Hares? Did he come looking for me?

“Who’s there?”

I asked while hastily trying to straighten out my disheveled appearance.

A reply soon came from outside.

“Miss, a letter has arrived! It’s from a gentleman named Kilian. He doesn’t seem to have included a surname!”

“Ah.”

Of course, it wasn’t a letter from Hares, nor was it Hares himself.

Well, why would Hares suddenly have made a decision already?

“You can come in.”

A moment later, the maid Betty entered and handed me the letter. It was from Kilian.

Completely oblivious to what was going on in my heart, he’d written something like this:

Since I helped Miss Chelsea during our last date, don’t you think I deserve something in return? Eve will be attending tomorrow’s ball, so come with me as my partner this time. That way, the Young Duke of Irisel, the man you’re in love with, might feel a little competitive. Wouldn’t that make us a mutually beneficial pair?

“I’ve already confessed to him. And even if I stay close to Kilian, I doubt it’ll make him feel competitive.”

I muttered so quietly that Betty couldn’t hear me, then wrote a reply to Kilian’s letter.

I felt as though I could die of embarrassment at any moment, but I still hadn’t given up on Hares.

I knew there was a high chance his answer would be negative.

Realistically speaking, that was probably what would happen.

Even so, I wanted to stake my feelings on that remaining one percent chance.

Honestly, if this had been another man, spending time with someone else the day after confessing would hardly have been a wise decision.

But Hares would understand.

He knew I wasn’t the sort of person who would use another man to test his feelings or play games with him.

Besides, he might not even attend the ball if I wasn’t there. He might spend the next few days shut away in his room.

“What’s this, Betty?”

“This came with the letter. The gentleman said it was a gift for you.”

“Really?”

I opened the gift she handed me. Inside were the items Kilian had recommended to me that day, along with a short note.

I promised to have a dress made for you during our last date, but the finest dresses take quite a while to produce. Wear this in the meantime. Honestly, your usual style is too outdated and doesn’t suit you at all when you’re standing beside me.

What a rude bastard.

Reading his note, which openly insulted my usual style, I took the dress out of its packaging.

Betty clapped her hands excitedly at the sight of the gift.

“Isn’t it about time you got married, my lady? Look at how wonderful this gift is…! He must be interested in you!”

As Betty had said, the items Kilian had sent were obviously expensive at a glance.

From his perspective, anything below the finest quality probably didn’t even qualify as clothing. It might as well have been rags.

Still, I don’t think I should wear this.

But who knew what might happen later if I ignored the words of a scheming, obsessive male lead?

Besides, he’d kept subtly probing me that day, asking questions that seemed to suggest he wanted to know whether I was aware of his identity!

My neck might be in even greater danger than I thought. Maybe I should humor him for the time being…

Thinking that, I sent him an affirmative reply.

And the following day, at the ball I’d attended with Kilian as my escort, I came face-to-face with Hares.

With another man’s hand in mine.

Our eyes had definitely met across the room. Our gazes seemed to become entangled, neither immediately breaking away.

But I wasn’t the first to turn my head.

“…”

It was unmistakably deliberate.

Hares had avoided me.

And for some reason, seeing that made me feel strangely hurt. Even though I knew I had no right to feel that way, it seemed that, deep down, I’d unconsciously been hoping for something.

If he was so conscious of me that he was avoiding me like that, surely it didn’t mean a good answer was waiting for me.

With a subdued expression, I deliberately refrained from approaching Hares or acknowledging him. I simply walked past him.

Just as he wanted.

We pretended not to know each other, keeping an awkward, ambiguous distance between us.

Of course, I didn’t resent Hares at all.

I understood just how unexpected my confession must have been for him.

We knew each other so well that, when someone as honest as Hares deliberately avoided me like that…

It meant he hadn’t yet come to a decision about what he felt.

I’d already expected that Hares would be confused.

And besides, hadn’t I come here with Kilian, too?

I didn’t know why Hares had attended the ball alone, but it wasn’t as though I was entirely blameless myself.

Honestly, I wanted to tell him.

That there was absolutely nothing between Kilian and me.

I knew Hares wasn’t the sort of person to misunderstand something like that. Still, he might find it insulting.

But at some point, Eve had caught Hares and was talking to him about something. Their conversation was even rather long and affectionate.

Watching him lower his head, nod, and respond to her just as gently as he did to me, I felt my face flush bright red.

Kilian noticed me turning my head away before anyone else did. He lowered his gaze to look at me.

“What’s wrong…? Ah.”

Even without my answering, he followed my line of sight and turned his head toward the place I’d been looking.

Then, as though he’d suddenly realized something, he gave a small, knowing smile.

“Looks like that coward ran away, doesn’t he?”