INS 19

Chapter 19

I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. Who would have thought I’d ever hear something like that in my life?

I’d always been the one doing the protecting, never the one being protected.

That’s why his words were both bewildering and, in a way, heartwarming.

It felt… comforting, somehow, to have someone I could rely on, even if only emotionally.

Just knowing there was someone who would protect me—even if it was only words—made me feel reassured.

The donation starts tomorrow… so I should go to the bank then.

I’d always been uneasy about leaving the children alone, but since I couldn’t just hire someone right away, I had no choice but to leave them and trust everything would be fine.

On the way back, I should also buy some clothes and food.

I wondered how much the donation would be. I didn’t know the exact amount—only that we’d agreed on a minimum of 50 gold.

For me, having a guaranteed minimum meant there was no loss, and since the duke hadn’t objected, I assumed it would be around 50 gold. If we were lucky, maybe 60.

With that amount, educating Jack wouldn’t be difficult.

I was lost in thought when I suddenly sensed someone nearby. I quickly turned my head.

I was startled to see a small figure standing there.

“Jack? Why aren’t you sleeping…?”

When I called his name, Jack looked at me. But there was something unusual about his demeanor.

“Jack…?”

His face was hidden in shadow, making it hard to see. He slightly parted his lips.

“Director…”

“Jack, why are you out here instead of sleeping? The wind is chilly.”

I hurried over to him.

Jack was wearing nothing but his pajamas. It was already mid-autumn—while the days were cool and pleasant, the nights were undeniably cold.

I was wearing a shawl, but Jack had nothing over his thin sleepwear.

Before I could even ask why he was out at this hour, I draped my shawl over his shoulders. It was a bit large for him, but it would keep him warm enough.

Jack silently watched me as I did this.

“Were you out for a walk? You still should dress warmly.”

“…No.”

“Hm? Then?”

“I saw you out here… and I came because I have something to tell you.”

I blinked in surprise at Jack’s unexpected words. Something to tell me?

A little taken aback, I straightened up and said, “Alright. Shall we go inside, then?”

“No, inside feels too stuffy. I want to say it here.”

I nodded at his request to talk here.

“Alright, then.”

At my reply, Jack’s expression changed subtly. I sat back down on the bench and patted the spot beside me.

“Come here.”

Jack hesitated for a moment, then slowly sat down next to me. The end of the long shawl brushed close to the ground.

A brief silence fell between us. Neither of us spoke first.

I decided to wait for Jack to begin.

After a moment, he finally opened his mouth—but his words were unexpected.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“…Huh? Oh.”

The question caught me off guard. I hadn’t expected him to ask that.

His gaze shifted to my clothing. I looked down at myself. Because of the shawl, I hadn’t noticed before, but I was wearing thin, comfortable indoor clothes.

Come to think of it—wasn’t this the same outfit I’d been wearing when I greeted the duke earlier?

I hadn’t realized it at the time, but now that I thought about it, it was hardly appropriate for receiving such an important guest.

Well, he showed up without warning, so I’m sure he understands.

Not that Duke Crayman seemed to care in the slightest.

“I’m fine. I just had some coffee, so I’m warm inside,” I replied in a confident tone—though the truth was, I was a little cold. The warmth from the coffee was only holding out for now; soon, the chill would seep in.

But since Jack said he had something to tell me, I couldn’t very well excuse myself to fetch a coat.

For some reason, though, Jack was looking at me with an unreadable expression. He seemed… different from usual.

Jack had always been a hard child to read.

Ren and Edie had begun opening up to me, Clowan wore his emotions on his sleeve, and little Lodi was still young and easy to understand.

But Jack—Jack was different. I never knew what he was thinking.

His lips were always tightly sealed, his eyes cool and distant, as if he expected nothing from me.

But right now, he seemed shaken.

And I knew whatever had unsettled him was tied to what he wanted to say.

I fiddled with my fingers while I waited for him to continue.

Ugh… it’s definitely cold.

I’d always been sensitive to the cold, and in this body, it was even worse. Just a bit of chilly air was enough to make my fingertips numb.

I wondered how Siela had managed to wear such revealing clothes in this body.

Still, I tried not to let it show and kept quietly waiting.

That’s when Jack reached toward me. He leaned in, and I froze in mild surprise.

“…I’m sorry. I knew you were cold, but you were pretending you weren’t.”

I looked at the shawl draped over my shoulders. It now stretched from me to him, covering us both. Luckily, it was big enough for two.

“I just wanted to see what you’d do,” he added.

“What do you mean…?”

“I have something I’m struggling with.”

He spoke abruptly, leaving no time for me to question his earlier words. I closed my mouth and looked at him.

“You asked me this morning if I wanted to take lessons.”

I nodded. “I did.”

“I want to. But… can I?”

I didn’t know why, but even though his tone was calm and his face impassive, I felt like Jack was crumbling before me.

“…If you want to go, then go. You can.”

“Lessons cost a lot of money. And if I’m away, there’ll be no one to watch the younger kids. And also…”

He trailed off, but I could guess what he wasn’t saying.

I knew the secret Jack was hiding. I also knew the orphanage’s ruin was tied to him.

That was why Jack was holding himself back—sacrificing his own wants for the children’s sake.

But Jack was still just a child.

No matter how mature he seemed, he was still young, and even adults waver in the face of their deepest desires. How could a child not?

This wasn’t so much a request for advice as it was him pouring out his private agony.

Now I understood.

He’d ignored my shivering not out of indifference, but because he wanted to see if I’d truly changed—and whether he could safely reveal his burden to me.

But the fact that he was even considering telling me meant he’d already opened his heart, whether he realized it or not.

“I’m the oldest. The big brother. I’m supposed to protect and take care of the kids. But because of my own selfishness, I almost neglected them… I’m ashamed. And yet…”

Jack buried his face in his hands in anguish.

I saw myself in him—giving up my own dreams and education just to work, simply because I was the eldest at the orphanage.

Was I like that too?

It was far too harsh.

Jack was too young, too small and fragile, to bear such a heavy load just because he was the oldest.

I didn’t know what words would help him—whether I should comfort him or tell him, You’re doing well.

But the answer came quickly.

I simply told him what I most wanted him to know.

“Jack, you’re just ‘Jack.’”

He looked up at me. His once-empty eyes were now brimming with tears.

“You don’t need to carry so much. Sure, I wasn’t doing my job before, which is why you felt you had to take on that weight. But that’s over now. If there’s something you want to do, do it. If you want to learn something, learn it. As long as it’s not something bad, you don’t need to force yourself to give it up. You’ve done your best for the kids—now I’ll do my part too.”

“I’m afraid my selfishness will ruin everything…”

His lips trembled, as though holding back a flood of emotion.

I smiled at him. He probably thought I couldn’t understand what he meant.

But I’d read this story, and I knew both his past and his future.

I knew exactly what his words meant. And all I could offer him was this:

“I’ll protect you.”

“….”

“I’ll protect you, the kids, and this orphanage. So you can just be Jack. You can be a fourteen-year-old kid.”

For some reason, Duke Crayman’s face came to mind.