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Chapter 3
“I’m going to withdraw.”
“Withdraw?”
Belgrave’s eyes narrowed. Under his persistent gaze, I suddenly grew curious about his odd behaviors.
Why did you deliberately lose to me back then?
Why did you say that kind of thing last time?
If I was going to regress anyway, I should have asked at least once. Though I’d only end up getting a look that said I was crazy from him, who knew nothing.
Instead, I asked something else.
“Do you like me?”
“……You confess in a peculiar way, Maze.”
“I dislike you. I’m asking if you like me.”
“I dislike you too.”
“Don’t be childish, I’m asking seriously.”
Belgrave had already let go of my hand, but I stood without taking a single step, staring at him intently.
It was about time I asked. What was there to hesitate about when I was about to leave the school anyway?
If anything, burying it like this would keep nagging at me and bothering me.
As if sensing my relentless momentum, his eyes sank slightly.
It was somehow different from his usual dry gaze. Darker, colder, and more complicated……
“Why wouldn’t I believe it, I really…….”
“…….”
“I hate you.”
A fragment of emotion that bordered on revulsion dropped from his lips.
It was a tone and expression I’d never encountered before, but I couldn’t not recognize it. That was genuine.
“……Is that so? Good for you.”
For some reason, irritation flared up sharply. There was no need to dislike me quite that much, was there?
We’d never once been on good terms, but there was no particular reason for him to hate me either.
“If I withdraw, you won’t have to see my disliked face anymore.”
“True. I hope you never come back.”
His attitude was so unburdened that I wondered if all his talking to me up until now hadn’t been simple harassment.
Belgrave glanced briefly at where I’d come down from, then quietly descended the stairs.
I stared at his retreating figure for a moment, then headed straight to the administrative office.
Thinking that if I couldn’t leave this wretched place this time, I might do something drastic.
* * *
“……So you’re saying that to withdraw, I need my parents’ consent?”
“Yes, either they come in person or you fill out the paperwork…….”
“Then please issue me a leave pass. I’ll go get that consent.”
As expected. Withdrawal wouldn’t be that easy.
“Understood.”
The staff member issued me a leave pass without much deliberation, and I grabbed only what I needed and headed to the train station.
“Are you a Sainte Elle student?”
I came to my senses when the ticket clerk spoke to me.
“You look really pale—are you sick?”
“Oh.”
The clerk’s face was full of worry as they looked at me.
“I’m fi…… ne.”
“Oh my, that’s a relief then. You must be going home for the break—shall I book you a round trip?”
“One way, please.”
I gave the ticket clerk a refreshing smile.
“Because I’m never coming back here.”
My hometown is a truly backwater countryside. A village so small you can circle it in less than an hour—even smaller than the academy.
As a child, I’d grown sick of a village like that.
Why did my parents, who supposedly married in the capital, come all the way down here? The kids here are immature, and there’s nothing to do.
But after actually living in the capital myself, my thinking changed.
‘That place is too harsh to be fit for human habitation.’
Our village, where we get by warmly even with less, is far better.
After transferring to a carriage and riding for a long while, I arrived home, and the moment I faced my parents, I burst into tears.
Their daughter, returning after two years at the academy, doing nothing but crying—my parents were quite flustered.
“Maze, was it very hard? Are you okay?”
“Which bastard made you cry?”
Unlike my worried dad, my mom looked ready to go beat someone up on the spot.
When I just cried without saying anything, they tactfully didn’t ask further.
Anyway, after that, every day was enjoyable.
Even doing nothing and lying around all day, just the single fact that I wasn’t at the academy was enough to make me happy.
‘Should I try living a bit more properly starting tomorrow…….’
My parents didn’t interfere with whatever I did, but their gazes were gradually taking on a worried tint.
I supposed I’d played around enough. Starting tomorrow, I should help Dad with his work and run some errands around the village.
‘But…… what should I do from now on?’
I sat staring blankly out the window, lost in thought.
From now on, huh. Did a life after graduation really exist for me?
If this repetition wasn’t related to the academy or the graduation ceremony, if I was simply bound to return to that time no matter what?
If I could never graduate past age 18 even outside the academy, what was I supposed to do?
What if I ended up helplessly waking up back at the academy again with that sensation of the world flipping on graduation day?
‘I need to tell them I’m going to withdraw, too…….’
If I didn’t submit the consent form, people from the academy would come looking. Before that, I needed to explain something to my parents.
My head ached in many ways.
“Maze, is something going on?”
“It’s just…….”
A large hand gently wrapped around mine. When I looked up, worried eyes filled my vision.
“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. We can wait as long as-.”
“We’ve waited this much, what’s more waiting? At this rate we’ll be hearing about it next year.”
“Honey.”
My mother’s tender voice made the tears that were about to come retreat.
They’d apparently asked out of worry, but as always, the two of them just couldn’t coordinate to save their lives—it made me laugh.
When was it, when I was leaving for the academy?
Back then too, when I’d sulked after running into Mom’s strong opposition, Dad had come to comfort me and they’d bickered just like this.
“Honestly, you have to give your dad credit for being overprotective.”
Even as she said that, I knew better than anyone that both of them worried about me equally.
Mom ruffled my hair roughly.
“Maze, I’ve sensed since you were a snot-nosed kid that you’re unusually independent.”
I had no idea what she was suddenly talking about, but I nodded anyway.
“But in this world, there are things you can do alone and things you can’t. That thing you’re brooding over without being able to say a word—is that something you can solve alone?”
“Does Mom have things she can’t do alone?”
“I don’t.”
“……Could I be like that too?”
“If you want to be.”
Her offhanded tone actually made it more trustworthy.
Talking with Mom always gave me this feeling. No matter how difficult something was, it felt like everything would work out smoothly.
“……Then I’ll try one more time.”
Truthfully, I’d vaguely known. That withdrawal wouldn’t end this.
That even if I left the academy, as long as I couldn’t resolve the cause, I’d return to that dormitory room again.
That’s why I was anxious and on edge, but……
“Go ahead.”
I felt like it would be okay to try just one more time.
Because I had people who would cheer me on without wavering no matter what happened to me.
“Honey, weren’t you going to persuade her?”
“The little one says she wants to try it herself—so should I tell her not to?”
I could hear the two of them whispering, but I didn’t care—I just pulled my parents into a hug and burst out laughing.
“Did you live laughing like a fool at school too?”
“There wasn’t anything to laugh about there.”
I’d forced smiles before, but I’d never once laughed from genuine joy.
Mom furrowed her brow at my words, as if thinking about something.
“Then did you cry?”
I couldn’t answer right away. I just pondered for a while and then asked only this.
“Mom, if…… if I cried because of the academy, would you scold the academy too?”
“Of course. I’d reduce it to ashes.”
“Haha.”
After that, I spent the day talking about this and that with my parents.
And the next day, I returned to the dormitory once again.
