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Chapter 13
In the book, there wasn’t even a single line describing when I started liking Kirill, or how much I liked him.
But in reality, I had liked him for a full ten years. Ten years of accumulated feelings couldn’t just vanish in an instant.
At times like this, I would recall how Kirill reacted after my death in the book. How he wanted to stay by Giselle’s side, even if it meant using my death.
“Don’t ask about anything related to Giselle.”
I don’t know if it worked, but my voice sounded indifferent.
“That’s not it.”
It had become difficult to keep my back turned to Kirill. I turned my head and met his eyes.
His golden eyes had a slightly dull tinge. I could sense that subtle difference.
I forced myself to chew the inside of my cheek. Otherwise, I felt like I would immediately spill my worries over him.
“Just so you know, everything you saw the other day… it was all true.”
I deliberately brought up the encounter at the coffee house.
Kirill had deliberately remained silent about that day, as if ignoring it. But when I had told him to stay away, he had hardened, as if armored.
“I still don’t believe you.”
“……”
His firm voice pierced right through me. He didn’t believe?
But this wasn’t something he could believe or disbelieve. I, the one involved, was telling him it was true.
Apparently, he still thought it was all just something I did to provoke him.
‘If I had known, I wouldn’t have confessed to letting go of my feelings.’
My voice calmed.
“Yes, he’s my boyfriend. The confession I made to you was just to make you feel guilty. You don’t actually believe it, do you?”
Every single syllable seemed to churn my insides.
‘You shouldn’t be believing that clumsy confession of mine.’
I told him it was nothing. I believed that, too. Yet the darker his expression became, the more it seemed he was hurt by my words.
“Please.”
“……”
“Before you leave, I want you to tell me something.”
He was cruel to the very end.
He didn’t know at all why I was leaving. If he had, he wouldn’t have made such a request.
I was leaving because my love would fail, and if I stayed, I would die.
In his eyes, I probably seemed like someone running away because things weren’t going according to his desires.
Had Giselle told him I was leaving? It was obvious what she must have said.
That I was leaving after causing everything and shirking responsibility. Either way, I could tell he hadn’t come to me on his own.
“What did Giselle say this time?”
“……”
Kirill pressed his lips tightly together, as if my question struck a nerve.
“If you had told me first, I would have come to you before Giselle said anything.”
He seemed completely unaware of why I hadn’t said a single word to him.
“I don’t see why I should tell you.”
Now, I was genuinely curious. I didn’t understand. I wanted to know what he was thinking. Why had his attitude changed so suddenly, and why was he suddenly so concerned about me?
“I know you’re disappointed in me.”
Disappointed? Disappointment was the furthest thing from the emotions I felt for him.
“Why would I be disappointed in you?”
“Because I, as your friend, ignored you.”
“From the start, you and I…”
“I know what you mean. But I never stopped thinking of you as a friend.”
Right now, that statement was synonymous with saying he had never seen me as a woman. He didn’t seem to realize how cruel that was.
“I was the one who leaked the scandal article about Redick Vanegger.”
“……”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know the marquis was that kind of person.”
Finally, everything became clear. I realized where this unexpected fortune had come from.
When I confessed to him, Kirill had despised me, showing that my confession meant nothing to him.
Then, when the article about me cheating while having a fiancé came out, he was furious at being deceived.
He had been angry at Redick Vanegger’s rampage. Even though he must have known it was my fault. All my fortune had come from Kirill’s guilt.
Guilt clung to him like a leech, tormenting him more the harder he tried to forget.
So now, under the pretext of being my friend, he kept worrying about me. Probably until I forgave him.
“Kirill.”
When I said his name, his pupils flickered. It had been a very long time since I had called his name.
‘Just think about getting out of here.’
I steadied my heart with that thought.
I had already knelt before Redick Vanegger; this was nothing.
“I don’t think you introduced Redick Vanegger to me on purpose.”
“……”
“No need to feel guilty. …Besides, the reason you’re acting like this now is because your health isn’t good.”
Whenever Kirill’s health worsened under the curse’s influence, his mind sank into despair. My confession had overlapped with this, doubling his guilt.
“What?”
He immediately retorted to my words.
Having liked Kirill for so long, there were a few facts I alone knew.
That didn’t mean I knew much about the Devonic curse. Originally, I only knew that the curse spanned generations and caused Kirill suffering.
Even after realizing this world was nothing but a book, I didn’t learn much more about the curse.
The Devonic curse was briefly described as a punishment because the first head of the family had attacked the emperor. The focus was on how it affected Giselle and Kirill, rather than the curse itself.
In the book, the curse was the biggest reason Giselle couldn’t drive Kirill away. Kirill used his curse to elicit Giselle’s sympathy.
Later, it was said that the Duke of Devonic had Kirill interact with Erdona because of the curse.
Kirill had access to Erdona because Norman Erdona had prophesied that the Devonic curse would only be lifted if Giselle and Kirill were together.
But even if that had actually happened, the book wouldn’t have ended with only Giselle’s happy ending.
The curse on Kirill never truly lifted despite Giselle’s efforts.
Giselle only reduced the suffering it caused him.
When the curse’s effects on Kirill increased, he displayed certain traits.
Mostly, he seemed normal, but if you looked closely, his golden eyes were duller than usual. He didn’t seem aware of it himself.
Whenever he went on “territory inspections,” his eyes dulled and his nerves became sensitive. He appeared anxious and restless.
As a child, that anxiety and restlessness would directly lower his self-esteem. He would berate himself, saying he understood why Giselle couldn’t meet him, and it had been my job to soothe him.
“When you return from the territory inspection, let’s talk again. If you want to talk to me then, I won’t avoid you.”
Unlike the past few weeks, when I had treated him sharply, my voice had softened to its old gentleness, and Kirill closed his mouth.
Somehow, it felt exactly like seeing young Kirill again, and it made me feel strange.
“…Alright.”
Finally, Kirill let me go up to my room.
I had told him we would talk again later, but that was a lie. By the time he returned from this territory inspection, I would no longer be here.
Kirill silently watched Saya’s retreating figure. Lately, he had seen her from behind quite often. He realized he had never really seen her back before; it was always he who showed his back first.
“…Go on your territory inspection.”
Kirill muttered quietly. As he raised his hand to check himself, it trembled involuntarily.
He tried not to tremble for a few seconds, then clenched his fist and stopped.
He hadn’t even thought he had to go on a “territory inspection.” Yet Saya spoke as if she knew exactly when he needed to go.
He felt guilty toward her because of his illness.
But that wasn’t true. My pain had nothing to do with that guilt.
“When you return from the territory inspection, let’s talk again. If you want to talk to me then, I won’t avoid you.”
Even as I said that, Saya no longer looked like someone who would stop caring about him. She was merely trying to look that way, even though she didn’t want to.
Kirill decided not to believe anything Saya said—except that she liked him. Believing her confession was easier than accepting that she would leave him.
Only then could he erase the inexplicable discomfort gnawing at him.
