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Chapter 30
“I’m still me, but when the environment changes, I feel so different.”
“Young Lady, no matter what, you are still a precious person. That will never change. At least to me, you are kinder and more precious than anyone else.”
“Thank you… for saying that.”
“Good night, Young Lady.”
When Ena left, El was alone in her room. Her eyes, for a moment, turned hollow.
Her transparent brown eyes wandered slowly—first over her own pale, delicate hands, then over her dress that was even softer than her skin.
“I tried so hard… yet it still feels like none of this truly belongs to me.”
El never thought of herself as inherently good.
Priests and nobles who came to serve often assumed that the poor must be foolishly virtuous.
But in truth, the poorer one was, the harder it became to stay kind.
Those born clutching gold bars in their cradles would never understand that, not even if they lived and died a hundred times over.
“……”
And so all of this still felt like an illusionary dream to her. A mirage that would vanish the moment she opened her eyes.
At the same time, some nameless fear always chilled her heart—fear that she, knowing her place, might be punished for daring to enjoy such things.
Yet, if this dream allowed her to go on dreaming—if it allowed her to remain in this illusion forever—she would gladly become a slave to Caron, trapped in a dream from which she would never wake.
“…Why am I like this, always?”
Every time she thought of him, El cooled her heated cheeks with the back of her hand.
Why did her face keep burning whenever he came to mind?
“Well.”
Priests reciting prayers with fiery zeal also grew flushed red.
Perhaps those who served the gods were, by nature, so fervent that their faces burned with passion all the time.
Just like El herself.
The morning dew had barely dried when Caron and El departed for an inspection of the duchy’s lands, accompanied by nearly ten carriages.
The road was well maintained, and their journey was rather comfortable.
“Did you get some rest?”
“Yes. I slept deeply.”
“Doesn’t look like the face of someone who slept deeply.”
“I really did sleep well!”
“Haha, fine. I’ll take your word for it.”
Caron tilted his head with a playful grin.
“But Caron, what should I do once we arrive?”
“Just watch. And if you can, think about what you might be able to do for them.”
Leaning back with his arms crossed, Caron spoke casually.
“Is that really enough?”
“More than enough.”
Following Caron’s advice, El observed diligently—over and over—as they visited twelve villages.
Unfortunately, most villages near the ducal estate were prosperous ones.
Wealthy and relaxed, these villages were more of a spectacle for El to marvel at than places in need of help.
“How are preparations for the festival?”
“Perfectly on schedule, Your Grace. With the generous budget this year, we’ve even added fireworks.”
“Good. Make sure nothing falls behind.”
“Yes. Ah, and the pink-blossom trees of our village are quite beautiful, aren’t they? We were thinking of developing them into a tourist attraction…”
“For that, prepare a written business proposal.”
“Yes, at once!”
El perked her ears at their exchange while letting her eyes wander across the scenery.
Indeed, the view was beautiful.
A small river, crystal clear, glittered silver under the sunlight. An arched bridge stretched across it, and with its reflection in the water, formed a perfect circle.
By the riverside, families on picnics sang and chatted joyfully.
It was peaceful, leisurely.
When the inspection ended, Caron returned to El.
“Let’s move on.”
“Are we visiting more villages today?”
“To finish within ten days, we must see as many as possible. The schedule won’t be easy. If you grow tired, try to nap in the carriage whenever you can.”
In three days, they had already covered twelve villages. Seven days still remained.
“Alright, I will.”
But El had no intention of leaving Caron’s side, even if she collapsed.
She wanted to see everything he did. To imprint every scene in her mind.
Back in the carriage, El pressed her weary eyelids with her fingers.
They had left the last village at midday, and now the sun was already sinking.
“The next village will take time. Rest your eyes a little.”
“…I’m not sleepy yet.”
“Oh really? I just saw the whites of your eyes rolling.”
Caron chuckled quietly. El widened her eyes, stubbornly fighting off sleep.
Perhaps Caron wasn’t human at all—maybe an angel, or a demon. How else could he endure such relentless travel without the slightest change in expression?
What’s more, while he inspected villages and received reports, he ensured everyone else in the entourage had enough time to rest.
And yet, three coachmen had already rotated twice, and the knights as well.
“El. If the next village is too much… you don’t need to come out at all.”
“Why? Is the next one different?”
El stifled a yawn as she asked, her mind hazy.
Caron shifted closer, gently guiding her head to rest on his shoulder before speaking.
“It’ll be similar to the place you once survived.”
“Ah… then it’s more about support than inspection this time.”
“Exactly.”
“It’s fine. I’ve already been through everything there is to go through…”
El blinked heavily, then soon drifted into slumber. Caron softly smoothed her hair with a tender hand.
“If only I could hear you say you’re not fine, just once… that would be enough for me.”
What was so fine about everything, really? He had never seen her admit weakness.
“Sweet dreams.”
Caron’s low voice vibrated gently through her as she breathed steadily in sleep.
For a long while, only El’s quiet breaths filled the carriage.
“Arrived, sir!”
How long had they been on the road?
A knight knocked on the carriage window, reporting their arrival. At last, the carriage came to a halt.
By then, El stirred awake, rubbing her half-shut eyes.
Through the open door, she saw that dawn had already broken.
“We’ll quickly distribute aid supplies here, then move on to the next village.”
“Yes, sir!”
“Set up the tents at once.”
At Caron’s orders, the knights moved swiftly. In no time, three tents were raised, and cooking tools laid out.
A glance was enough for El to understand—they were preparing to hand out stew, bread, simple clothing, and necessities.
She knew this well; she had once stood in line to receive such rations.
“It really is… like the slums in Ellum, but at least here it’s much cleaner.”
“I’ve been keeping an eye on this village, hoping it will change in the next few years.”
“With someone like you overseeing it, it will surely change.”
“I am not their master. Change depends on them. I can only adjust the environment for their sake.”
“……”
“El, you should rest. Joining inspections for several days straight is too much for your body.”
“I’m fine. Truly, I am. I already rested well earlier.”
“I can’t win against you.”
“Then… may I help with the distribution?”
“…If you wish.”
El’s face lit up. She quickly trotted toward the supply tent.
“And she was so unwilling to leave my side…”
Caron chuckled to himself, seeing how brightly she sparkled from afar.
Did she really enjoy this so much?
If it were him, he’d never want to set foot in such a place again.
That was why Caron often dreamed of abandoning Peyros Castle altogether—the mansion itself felt suffocating.
Yet, ever since El entered the mansion, it no longer felt quite as unbearable.
“……”
His thoughts paused, and his expression hardened faintly.
“Caron!”
From a distance, El came running toward him. At once, Caron’s face returned to its usual cool, lightly smiling expression.
“Caron!”
“Catch your breath first.”
“Phew… okay, I’m fine now.”
“Good. What did you want to ask?”
“How is the food distribution done here?”
“We separate meals to be eaten on site from those to take home.”
“I see… understood.”
El nodded almost too quickly and returned to the supply area.
There, with swift hands, she neatly sorted necessities, food, and clothing for easy distribution.
The knights, impressed by how quickly things became organized, clapped for her.
Blushing, El fiddled shyly with her sleeve.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have brought her along…”
Watching her chat happily with the knights, Caron muttered under his breath.
It was only conversation, nothing more. But why did it make him feel so unreasonably displeased?
“Um… Caron?”
“What is it?”
He had been so lost in thought that he didn’t notice El approach.
“Are these distributed all at once?”
She held a tray in one hand, bread and jam in the other.
“Yes.”
“But then…”
El trailed off, her expression darkening. Her brows furrowed deeply, clearly troubled by some thought.
To be continued in the next chapter…
