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chapter 40
“Why… why?”
— Because I want you to be happy.
She could feel the sincerity behind those words. That truth made her feel miserable, and because of that, resentful. She didn’t even want to understand how this could be the path to her own happiness.
“What do you mean by that? If you want me to be happy, shouldn’t the child stay by my side? You’re trying to separate me from the child, and now you say this? What do you mean!”
Dain raised her voice in frustration at his cowardly-sounding answer. Yet, despite her trembling, Inhyuk remained immovable, as solid as a fortress.
— That child will always be your burden.
A burden.
The cold, decisive answer made the tears she’d barely been holding back slip down her cheeks. Along with them, something inside Dain’s heart crumbled.
“I didn’t expect you to act like this, Inhyuk. I believed you would understand me… I believed you would, but…”
— That child is making you unhappy, and you expect me to ignore that?
“I’ve never been unhappy!”
— Last month, when I spent time at your house… I saw your diary that day.
Dain froze, swallowing hard. A diary? That sudden revelation hit her like a hard slap to the head.
— The diary you left on the desk while cleaning. I saw the pages and read what was written.
“Why… the diary…”
— You wrote that it was hard.
Her breath caught. She was embarrassed that he had discovered a truth she hadn’t told anyone. The feeling of being seen in her most vulnerable state by someone she liked, standing exposed before him…
— You wrote that it was so hard that when you dreamt of your family, you wanted to resent them.
“….”
— You even wrote that you wanted to ask your sister why she left you behind. Why she left not just you but also a child to care for. Isn’t that a burden?
Inhyuk’s cold voice tore through Dain’s honest feelings. The truth of his words made her flush with shame. She had, at one point, truly felt that way.
“That’s my decision to make. Even if I considered the child for a moment… it’s not anyone else’s business. Who are you to decide?”
— I was worried about you.
There was no lie in his voice.
— I was anxious you might give up on me too, because you were exhausted.
Because he spoke the truth, it hurt and frustrated her. Why did he have to choose this method?
— Be honest. It’s hard, isn’t it?
“What… what are you talking about…”
— You’re crying even now. Aren’t you?
Dain slid down the wall, the tears streaming freely, so fast she didn’t even notice the dust on the floor dirtying her stockings.
“I… I’ll hang up first.”
— Dain!
As soon as she hung up, the tears she had been holding back fell onto her skirt. She had promised herself she would never cry at work, but this time, there was nothing she could do. Her sore eyes stung from the relentless tears.
…
The long, continuous ring eventually cut off with the automated voice.
Dain didn’t answer again. Under the cherry blossoms fluttering in the breeze, Inhyuk lowered his phone and furrowed his brow.
He watched the children emerge one by one from the kindergarten in front of the cherry tree. Since it had been a sports day, each child was leaving with a parent holding their hand.
Those whose guardians couldn’t attend gathered in a corner, playing in the sand. Summer was one of them. Squatting on the ground, watching the ants, beads of sweat rolled down her face.
‘If you don’t realize it yourself in the end, there’s nothing I can do… I’ll have to use this method…’
Inhyuk shook the bag in his right hand and slowly approached. Since the teacher had gone inside to get a towel, he could get close to Summer without raising suspicion.
“Summer.”
The innocent-faced child looked up at the voice calling her name. She had fair skin and light brown eyes, looking just like her aunt.
Yet, from the very beginning, she had been a child Inhyuk could never grow attached to. To him, Summer was like a parasite in Dain’s life, the reason Dain couldn’t follow him to Shanghai…
“Hello.”
Because she had become the cause of their inevitable separation.
“Uncle?”
Recognizing Inhyuk, Summer jumped up, spilling sand from her knees. Inhyuk knelt down and brushed the sand off, whispering,
“Long time no see. Your aunt is busy… so today, your uncle came to pick you up instead.”
“My uncle?”
“Do you want some ice cream on the way? I brought some.”
The children watching nearby gasped with envy. Since Dain wasn’t there, Summer didn’t doubt him and smiled brightly.
“Really?”
Inhyuk handed her one of the ice creams, red watermelon-flavored.
“I wasn’t sure what you’d like, so I just bought one… hope it’s okay.”
“Wow! I love watermelon ice cream! Thank you!”
Summer bit into the ice cream and grabbed Inhyuk’s sleeve with her other hand. Probably unconsciously, but it seemed she didn’t yet consider him close enough for physical contact.
“Alright, let’s go.”
Even Inhyuk, who had felt uncomfortable with the child, felt relieved. On the way to his car, Summer quietly focused on eating her ice cream.
‘Until we leave for Shanghai, one week…’
He had to get an answer from Dain before then. Her uncle might be money-minded, but he didn’t seem like the type to harm a child for money.
His family was harmonious, and his workplace ordinary. There was no reason to give up or push away Summer halfway, which was reassuring.
When they arrived at the apartment entrance, Inhyuk continued rationalizing as he brought Summer inside.
“Do you know the code, Summer?”
“Oh! I have a card in my bag.”
Holding her finished ice cream stick in her mouth, Summer fumbled to open her bag and handed him the card with her small hands. No suspicion showed in her eyes.
Inhyuk quickly opened the door and led her inside. The living room was slightly warm, probably due to spring. Summer fanned herself, put down her bag, and ran to wash her hands.
Meanwhile, Inhyuk went into Dain’s room and took something out.
“Uncle, when will auntie come?”
“She’ll come if we wait. Want to sit here for a bit?”
“Why?”
Feeling uncomfortable, Summer asked again. She knew she shouldn’t distrust someone her aunt liked, but being left alone made her a little uneasy.
“Do you know what this is?”
As Summer sat down, Inhyuk suddenly placed a small, thick notebook in front of her.
“Is it a diary?”
“Don’t you want to know what your aunt thinks about you?”
Summer’s eyes widened with curiosity. She swallowed and shook her head.
“No matter how curious I am, I can’t touch someone else’s things. My teacher said that’s stealing!”
“But your aunt isn’t someone else.”
“Uh…”
“The teacher didn’t explain that part. Family items are fine. And this isn’t stealing anyway.”
Summer looked at the diary cover, confused. She had been curious all along. She wondered if her aunt really loved her.
“If it’s hard to read, I can read it for you.”
Inhyuk opened the diary, and the pages fluttered until he stopped at a certain one, pressing it down with his finger.
For the first time, Summer faced Dain’s diary. The pages were full, leaving no blank space. The pen marks, pressing hard and uneven, reflected the hesitations while writing.
“Summer.”
“Yes?”
“As much as you like your aunt, she’s struggling.”
Inhyuk pushed the diary toward her, the sentences written clearly in front of Summer. He even read them aloud, just in case she couldn’t recognize the handwriting:
[Mom, auntie. Why did you leave me behind?]
No difficult words, yet the diary’s depth left Summer overwhelmed.
[Taking care of Summer is too hard. Honestly, it’s really hard.]
[I thought I was still young… but I need a mom, a dad. I need a family.]
[Why do I have to handle all of this alone?]
Though young, it was clear her aunt had struggled deeply. She had always smiled brightly, but she was sadder than anyone. The truth struck Summer like a thorn in her tender heart.
“I want your aunt to be happy.”
“……”
“You too, right?”
Summer, speechless, stared up at Inhyuk. Her eyes were red from tears, but his expression remained unchanged.
“Then why do you keep making her suffer?”
He asked, looking at the tears clinging to her face with cold clarity.
